Mario Dedivanovic (Allure) Comes Out Gay At The American Influencer Awards

                                  

When Mario Dedivanovic first started in the beauty industry as a Sephora employee nearly 20 years ago, he pictured being honored in the future for his work — standing on a stage, surrounded by a bright light, and feeling "pure joy and happiness." Dedivanovic shared that story on November 18 from the center of such a stage at the 2019 American Influencer Awards while accepting the Artistic Achievement Award. But, he said, in the time leading up to the ceremony, he didn't feel that happiness or bright light — until the very moment he actually stood on the stage and publicly came out as gay.

 

"Right now, I stand here for the first time in my life a proud, 37-year-old gay man," Dedivanovic said in a powerful speech, which he posted on Instagram with the caption, "Finally free." In the speech, he shared that a couple of days prior to the awards, he "broke down crying" during a conversation with his mom.

"I told her, finally, that I had spent my entire life and childhood suppressing my thoughts, suppressing my dreams, my feelings, my creativity, and trying to be invisible so that no one would know how I'm feeling inside," he said. "I was traumatized to be me. I've been living in fear my entire life. I've been ashamed — ashamed of the way that I was born, a human with a good, pure heart."

While the beauty industry is largely accepting of the LGBTQIA+ community, that certainly doesn't mean it's easy for someone like Dedivanovic to come out. The fear he carried with him for nearly two decades, even as a prominent member of the industry, is evidence of that.

And he's not alone in his struggles. A 2018 Human Rights Campaign report found that LGBTQIA+ youth face high rates of depression, and while there are various contributing factors, family rejection — which Dedivanovic touched on in his speech — is one.

"We are all equally deserving of the right to feel happy and to feel loved."

"I'm asking you all to open your eyes, to open your hearts and your souls because so many of our little boys and girls around the world are growing up in pain and fear like I did, thinking of killing themselves every single day like I did, because they are different, and they are scared to be themselves, because their culture or their family judge them and shame them," he said. "Little kids are scared that their parents and their uncles, aunts, and cousins, their family will not accept them because they were born different. We are not different. We all bleed the same, and we are all equally deserving of the right to feel happy and to feel loved."

In a video tribute shown before he received the award, his mother and sister both shared that they tried to deter him from pursuing a career in makeup early on. But during Dedivanovic's most recent conversation with his mother, she made it clear she supports him fully.

"She looked at me with her beautiful green eyes, and I could feel her heartbreaking," he said on stage. "She said, 'Mario, from this day forward, you are never again to live in shame or fear and to be afraid of who you are and what you think and who you love, because you are perfect. You are beautiful, you are powerful, and no one can ever say or do anything to take that away from you.'"

When he woke up the next morning, Dedivanovic said he started to feel the slight glow of that light he manifested 20 years ago. And when he came out as gay on stage, he felt its full brightness. "It's pouring from my soul, around my body, and it's mine," he said. "I can now live the life that I deserve and right now I feel true happiness because, for once, I can finally breathe, and I can accept this beautiful honor, and I am proud of myself. I'm finally happy to be me."