Coming Out Gay Made Me a Better Athlete "Michael Gunning"
I started swimming at a very early age and if I’m totally honest, I hated it at first. Neither of my parents is strong swimmers, so they put me into lessons. But it wasn’t long until I began to love the water and was always playing and messing around in it when I should have been paying attention to the instructor.
During my school years though, people always used to say to me ‘black people don’t swim’. Yet here I was, a black man who loved swimming. I quite liked the fact that I was different and was doing something that many people didn’t understand or really even think possible. Competitive swimming and sport have been a huge part of my life for the past 15 years, but through that time I’ve struggled and worried about how my sexuality would be perceived when I started representing my country (Team GB until 2016 and since then, Jamaica) on the world stage. Because of this, I suppressed my feelings for a long time and wasn’t open about who I was.
It wasn’t until I decided to take time away from the sport last summer to really find myself and go through my own journey in addressing, accepting and being open about my sexuality. I ended up taking part in the E! Reality series The Bi Life and it was a transformative experience.
Although it was daunting to come out on television, I have no regrets. Being in that villa of like-minded people who understood what it’s like to feel different was exactly what I needed. I didn’t really grow up with many LGBTQ role models – especially in sport – so there wasn’t much out there to help me learn about who I was and feel OK in my own skin. Particularly as a black gay sportsman, I didn’t see anyone who looked like me being open about who they are and who they love.
Seeing yourself reflected in someone else and their experience can be such a powerful, personal affirmation, but for so long I was lacking that. Still, I also never imagined that my ‘coming out’ story on the show would have sparked so many discussions within the LGBTQ sporting community. Many of these discussions are still ongoing because the sport is still a place where many LGBTQ people don’t feel welcome, or they actually feel excluded.
Stonewall research found that four in 10 LGBTQ people (43 percent) think public sporting events aren’t welcoming for them. Some may find this shocking, some may think it’s not surprising at all, but I think it shows why it’s so important we keep conversations going about sexuality, gender identity, and sport. When I came out, everyone reacted better than I could have ever imagined. This past year, I’ve traveled to Australia, Switzerland, South Korea, and Puerto Rico for international swimming competitions and I’ve had nothing but love and support for my coming out story.
While that doesn’t mean that’s going to be the case for everyone, I’ve learned that it’s OK to come out when you’re ready. MORE: LIFESTYLE Debt Diaries: I racked up £13k of credit card debt from shopping The best eco-friendly decorations for a sustainable Christmas Stylist shares simple trick to create perfect winged eyeliner in seconds It’s always a personal decision and no one else knows what you’re going through, so someone should never feel pressured to come out.
Challenging anti-LGBTQ attitudes in sport can’t just rest on the shoulders of LGBTQ athletes – that’s a burden we all need to bear and play a part in tackling. What I will say is that all my friends and family have seen a massive change in my personality because I’m finally owning who I am. I swim at my best when I’m happy, and coming from a Caribbean heritage I’ve been given a bigger voice and platform to be a role model.
I’m now a Stonewall Sports Champion for athletes still competing in their sport. I became a better athlete after I came out because I was no longer worrying about hiding a part of myself from everyone around me. My hope, dream, and ambition now are to carry on fighting to make sport a more inclusive place for athletes, so everyone can be their authentic selves. Sport and so many LGBTQ people will be all the better for it.
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