Showing posts with label Parents Gay son or daughter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parents Gay son or daughter. Show all posts

January 23, 2020

A Korean Mother Talks About Her Gay Son




Hong Jung-seun poses for a photo on Jan. 16 in front of a Catholic church in southwestern Seoul while holding a book, titled “Coming Out Story,” which she co-authored with other parents of LGBT people. (Park Hyun-koo/The Korea Herald)
Hong Jung-seun poses for a photo on Jan. 16 in front of a Catholic church in southwestern Seoul while holding a book, titled “Coming Out Story,” which she co-authored with other parents of LGBT people. (Park Hyun-koo/The Korea Herald)

By Ock Hyun-ju

Korean Herald


 When her son Jiho, 38, came out as gay 12 years ago, Hong Jung-seun felt as if her world had stopped.

The ardent Roman Catholic asked God many times why she and her family were facing this personal crisis and what she had done wrong in her life. She begged God to change her son’s sexuality so that he could lead a normal life.

In the end, it was she who changed.


Hong Jung-seun poses for a photo on Jan. 16 in front of a Catholic church in southwestern Seoul while holding a book, titled “Coming Out Story,” which she co-authored with other parents of LGBT people. (Park Hyun-koo/The Korea Herald)
Hong Jung-seun poses for a photo on Jan. 16 in front of a Catholic church in southwestern Seoul while holding a book, titled “Coming Out Story,” which she co-authored with other parents of LGBT people. (Park Hyun-koo/The Korea Herald)

“I had been so devoted to serving God, but why my son? I thought it was a punishment for something I did wrong. I hated God,” Hong said during an interview with The Korea Herald.

For a while, she could not eat. She spent many sleepless nights in shock, denial and guilt. Her mood changed every second.

Her thoughts were fixed on what her son’s sexuality would mean for his life -- and for her life -- in a society where sexual minorities are often denied, discriminated against and hated.

After spending much time alone praying, she came to the realization that God was teaching her the virtues of love and acceptance, not punishing her.

“My life goal was to send my son to a good university, get him to have a good job and form a good family. But I learned to see and accept him as he is, not as I want him to be,” she said. “God taught me I cannot change a living thing but I can embrace it as it is.

“Without him coming out, I would have lived and died without breaking my prejudices, unable to wholeheartedly sympathize with the socially marginalized,” she said. “My views have been broadened and my world has been enriched. I learned the meaning of gratitude.”

Now, Hong leads a group of parents of sexual minorities who meet for three hours once a month. It’s her way of supporting other parents going through the same agony.

In South Korea, homosexuality is not illegal, but discrimination against sexual minorities remains widespread. Many Korean sexual minorities keep their identities hidden for fear of judgment.

According to the latest Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development report published in 2019, Korea was fourth from the bottom in terms of LGBTQ inclusiveness among member countries surveyed. It scored 2.8 points out of 10, with the OECD average being 5.1.

Teenage sexual minorities appear to be more vulnerable.

A 2014 poll by the National Human Rights Commission of Korea found that 54 percent of LGBTQ teens experienced bullying and discrimination at school, and 19.4 percent had attempted suicide.

Most parents who attend Hong’s group meetings have teenage children who have just come out. Those children, Hong said, are walking on the fence between life and death -- and asking for help.

“There was a time when my son was very sensitive and I thought it was just due to stress from studying ahead of the college entrance exam,” she said. “I am sorry that he had to put up with fear and loneliness on his own.”

For her son, Hong hopes for a world where sexual minorities can thrive and find happiness as they are.

“Most urgently, we need an anti-discrimination law. Parents of sexual minorities are worried about their children’s safety every day,” she said. “I just want my gay son to be able to live here safely just like others. I am not asking for any privileges.”

Religion should be a bridge, not a barrier, she added, referring to Protestant groups that have been outspoken in their opposition to gay rights and expression.

Yet, Hong sees signs of positive change, albeit slow.

The group Hong leads won the Lee Don-myung Award -- established in memory of the pro-democracy human rights lawyer -- from Korea’s Catholic Human Rights Committee earlier this month.

The country’s pride parade is also getting bigger every year, with the 2019 parade in central Seoul attracting a record 80,000 LGBTQ people and their supporters.

Her son is not a source of worry anymore, she said. He is a source of happiness and reason for gratitude, as well as a bridge to a world that is richer and more colorful. For that, she thanks him every day for having appeared in her life and being who he is.

“Thank you, my son, for opening up a bigger world for me,” she said.

(laeticia.ock@heraldcorp.com)

December 21, 2019

NBA Dwayne Wade, Powerful Speech on Parenting Gay Son(He Suspected As Early as 3)


 




April 17, 2019

Gay Pastor’s Son Gives Tribute to Elton John at American Idol



American Idol contestant Jeremiah Lloyd Harmon, the gay pastor’s son who has become a fan favorite thanks to his talent and emotional backstory, wowed the judges this week with a song by another talented queer performer — one who is maybe slightly more legendary. Harmon showed off his impressive pipes in a version of Elton John’s classic, “We All Fall in Love Sometimes.” 

“There are notes that Elton can’t do,” said Lionel Richie, before comparing Harmon to yet another queer icon. “Then there are notes that — I can’t believe it — Freddie Mercury can’t do, and you went to a Z flat somewhere up there past Pluto and Mars. It was amazing. And your voice is amazing, and your career is going to be amazing.”
Katy Perry, a fellow PK (pastor’s kid), was similarly shook. “I’m a mess,” she said, clearly emotional. “I’m just so proud. You’re such a gift. Your talent supersedes all.”
“The whole time I’m watching that I’m like I’m not worthy to be sitting here watching,” added Luke Bryan — points were made. “I just see Jeremiah Lloyd Harmon on this big billboard.”
Last month, Out spoke with Harmon about his chances of being the first gay American Idol winner. “I find myself getting a little competitive on the inside more than I want to, and the closer that I get, it's kind of like, maybe I could do this. I didn't plan to get this far, but what would it be like to win...I'm kind of getting closer to the finale and I'm like, maybe I could. Maybe I could take this, you know?” With his spot in the Top 10 all but guaranteed, the chances are looking pretty good.


June 8, 2018

Gay Men and How Close They are to Their Mom's (Dead or Alive)






June 6, 2018 (Joseph Sciambra) – Scientist Simon LeVay, who has spent most of his career trying to locate a "gay" genetic determinate for homosexuality, in his book Gay, Straight, and the Reason Why: The Science of Sexual Orientation, wrote: "[G]ay men do indeed describe their relationships with their mothers as closer, and their relationships with their fathers as more distant and hostile, as compared with how straight men describe these relationships." Borrowing from the theories of American psychiatrist and gay activist Richard Isay, LeVay thinks it's possible that some pre-homosexual boys exhibit certain traits fathers dislike but mothers like. As a consequence, some mothers "become unusually protective of a son whom they see being exposed to teasing or hostility from the father or from other children."*
In my own life as a "gay" man, the scenario I repeatedly witnessed was the son of feuding or divorced parents, whereby the boy becomes confidant and "girlfriend" to the bitter and suffering mother. When most of my friends in San Francisco, who seemed to come from everywhere else except California, expected a visiting guest from back home, it was always a mother, sister, aunt, or female cousin; never a father. Tragically, when I did see a dad or the two parents together, it was at their son's funeral. Occasionally, I would tag along as they toured the famous sites of the city and then ended the week with an incredibly tedious day-long shopping excursion to nearly every boutique in Union Square.
During the final hours of one such visit, a friend invited me to dinner with him and his mother. I sat completely silent and shocked as he described to his mom a list of peculiar sexual difficulties he was having with a current boyfriend.
What some "gay" men have said about their mothers:
Brandon Baker (journalist) –
"... it's true that we all have wildly different relationships with our parents and plenty of gay men spend just as much time worrying about his reaction. But there's something inherently more weighty about a mother's approval...She also, obviously, likes boys. So, if anyone's going to love you unconditionally, it's her."
Jamie Brickhouse (author) –
"I think that the story of my relationship with my mother Mama Jean is universal no matter what age you are, whether you're 50 or 15, that the parent/child relationship is universal, that the mother/son relationship is universal, and that the mother/gay son relationship is universal. Though my mother was what some consider to be a stereotypical "gay" mother, dominant, overbearing, but certainly that type of mother will always exist, and the common dynamic between mothers of gay sons...I believe that gay men and straight women have a natural affinity for each other, and I think that dynamic starts with the mother. I think that for many gay men, their mothers are their first fag hags. Because I think gay men are in touch with the feminine sides of ourselves, and we're in tune with that with our mothers in a way that a straight son is not and in a different way that a straight daughter would not be." [Parents divorced when he was young.]
Charlie Craig (a respondent in Masterpiece Cakeshop v. Colorado Civil Rights Commission) –
His mother: "When we returned to our car, I noticed Charlie's shoulders were shaking. I soon realized he was crying. All I could do was embrace him and tell him I loved him and that we would get through this. As a parent, no matter how grown your children are, you want to shield them from harm. I felt I had failed him."
Lee Daniels (director) –
"My mom had five kids. And she came home after working three jobs, and I'd rub her feet. We'd all rub her feet. We were lucky to get any time with her.
"My mom knew early on that I was gay, and she knew that I had to get out of the ghetto.
"When I came out it was because I loathed my dad so much – I couldn't understand how you could, with an extension cord, beat a 45-pound kid just because he's aware of his femininity."
Sam Greisman (activist) –
"When I came out she didn't even bat an eye. In fact, she was overjoyed. Being gay was just one more thing she loved about me. She couldn't be more supportive of me." [His mother, actress Sally Field, and his father divorced when Greisman was six years old.]
Henry Holland (fashion designer) –
"My mum says that she knew I was gay before I did. But then she's a very, very camp mum. My upbringing was basically a gay training camp." [His parents divorced when he was three.]
Anthony Perkins (actor) –
"She wasn't ill-tempered or mean, just strong-willed, dominant... She controlled everything about my life, including my thoughts and feelings." [His father died when he was five years old.]
James Duke Mason (activist and son of singer Belinda Carlisle) –
Carlisle said: "... because from the beginning, my friends have been 90 percent gay and lesbian. That's just the way it's been for me. So I'd rather have a gay son than a straight son, let me just say that." She added, concerning her past drug addiction: "My biggest regret is...my lack of presence as a mother to James when I was drinking and using drugs. I regret a lot of the pain I caused during those years."
Robbie Rogers (athlete) –
"I have to give my mom some credit because when I asked for My Little Pony dolls for Christmas and birthday gifts (and we each got to pick out a new toy when another sibling was born), she let me choose whatever I wanted. And what I always wanted was a My Little Pony doll and another less-than-masculine toy, this stuffed dog that had a flap on its belly with little puppies inside.
"Other than the occasional teasing, my sisters were happy to play dolls with me. And my mother was content to let us enjoy ourselves. My father was another story, and on a few occasions when I was very young he made it clear that he didn't like his namesake playing with 'girlie things.' I remember one time overhearing him say to my mother in a really angry voice, 'I don't ever want to see him playing with dolls again! I don't want a fairy for a son!'"
Sam Smith (singer) –
"I came out when I was like four years-old! My mum said she knew when I was like three."
Gary Williams (jazz singer) –
"I helped her and Dad through their divorce, but being gay definitely has a bearing on it. We don't do stereotypical gay-son-and-mum things such as shopping, but I'm a sensitive person, and Mum feels comfortable telling me anything...I told Mum...and she gave me a big hug. At first she was worried about me being bullied because of my sexuality." [His parents divorced when he was young. In an interview, Williams's mother said: "Gary's more sensitive and understanding than straight men often are. However, he isn't camp, which is why I never suspected he was gay in his teens – despite his dad wondering."]
*LeVay S, (2011). Gay, Straight, and the Reason Why: The Science of Sexual Orientation. New York: Oxford University Press.
lifesitenews.com

March 13, 2015

Irish Senator E.Coghlan Talks about coming to Terms with a Gay Son


                                                                               

Fine Gael Senator Eamonn Coghlan has spoken about the difficulties faced by his son as a gay teenager, and of his own challenge in coming to terms with his son being gay. 
“When I discovered my son Michael was gay I was devastated. I cried for weeks. The hopes and dreams I had for my son were shattered. I felt guilty, almost as if I was to blame for him being gay,” he said. 
The former world champion athlete was speaking at a public information meeting about the forthcoming Marriage Equality Referendum organised by the Fine Gael LGBT group where he called for a yes vote on May 22nd.
“I tried to cover up my disappointment. While I hugged him, told him I loved him, I had to come to terms that, it was not about me but, about him and his life ahead.”
Coghlan said his son experienced bullying at school but didn’t know why it was happening at the time 
Michael Coghlan
“At the time we didn’t know why this was happening but after he came out it became apparent that it was because he was gay. He had also suffered from terrible stomach problems as a teen which we could never get diagnosed. 
“It transpired that this was all anxiety related because of the struggle he had with knowing he was gay and the bullying he was being subjected to.”
Coghlan told the meeting how he came to terms with Michael being gay: “The big breakthrough for me was when some of Michael’s gay friends joined us on a family holiday in Spain. I got to know them and see how happy he was with his mates.”
He said the homophobic abuse Michael experienced didn’t stop after he came out as a gay man and he was subjected to two violent attacks in Dublin. 
“It is clear to me as a parent of a gay child that the marriage equality Referendum is about voting for real people and their lives. 
“It is not about politics or about voting for a particular party. It is about equality, removing rejection, removing exclusion, removing the guilt, shame and fear that gay people experience. 
“We have to think of the person, their dignity, their validation, their human freedom to love and to live life to the full.”
“I was lucky enough to marry the woman of my dreams. Who are we as a nation to deny our sons and daughters the basic right of marrying the person they love?” he said.
Aine McMahon

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