Showing posts with label Psychiatric. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Psychiatric. Show all posts

May 3, 2016

40 Years ago: “I am a homosexual and a psychiatrist.”

John Fryer
Temple University psychiatry professor John Fryer delivers his speech, in which he admits to being gay, among his peers at an APA conference in 1972. Because he wore a disguise during the speech, he became known in history as 'Dr. Henry Anonymous.'


I am a homosexual, I am a psychiatrist.”

These are the words that would forever cement John Fryer as "Dr. Henry Anonymous," the mysterious masked man who, whether or not he realized it at the time, would create a gay-rights snowball that continues to roll in 2016. 
In May 1972, Fryer, then a medical psychiatry professor at Temple University, was called upon by the openly gay Dr. Frank Karmeny — fired from his job as a government astronomer about a decade prior — and Philadelphia-native activist Barbara Gittings to speak to an audience of his peers at the American Psychiatric Association's convention in Dallas. 

The convention, entitled "Psychiatry: Friend or Foe to the Homosexual," was a response to recent calls to remove homosexuality from the association's DSM, a manual of disorders used by medical professionals across the country. 

When asked by Gittings to deliver a speech to the convention that acknowledged his sexual orientation and his profession as a psychiatrist, Fryer agreed — but with terms. Because he was untenured and risked being fired, he would be open about it but only anonymously, shielded by a rubber mask purchased from a joke shop, a frizzy black wig, a tuxedo and a distorted microphone.

After he delivered a brief speech countering the idea that one "cannot be healthy and homosexual," the room was left quiet and in awe. Following additional protests, the association soon moved toward eliminating homosexuality from the list of disorders. The decision was ratified by April 1974 and, significantly, made it difficult for states to continue to criminalize homosexuality on the basis of deviance. 

Still, it wasn't until nearly 20 years later that Fryer publicly opened up about his identity, at an APA meeting held in Philadelphia. (He did eventually get tenure at Temple.) As a result of that initial anonymity, he's been something of a footnote in history. 

Which is where New York playwright Ain Gordon found his intrigue.

While most history buffs dig into the meat of a textbook, Gordon is the guy whose eyes go right to the margins. Gordon, who has a record of reimagining historical stories, received funding from Pew Center for Arts & Heritage to partner with the Historical Society of Pennsylvania for productions that explore "individual liberty versus national acceptance." 

He discovered 217 archived boxes at the historical society that had belonged to Fryer (coincidentally, just as he'd discovered Fryer's story through an article about Gittings). Zealously, Gordon combed through boxes. In some, he found only old utility bills. But in another, he hit paydirt: a manuscript of Fryer's 1972 speech.

Gordon: There was no reason to know he once risked everything to form the life he continued to lead, but he did ... The history of the man behind the mask was more famous than the man in it.
He knew he had a story to tell.

"I began to think about people, groups, communities who need to move under deep cover for a long period of time before they gain the power to step into the light," Gordon told PhillyVoice. "How do we historify a time in which they necessarily left no trace?”

Fryer, he felt, represented that idea — both in what he did and how he continued to live his life. He would go on to have an accomplished career researching addiction and grief, but lived a curiously ordinary and under-the-radar life after his big moment in 1972. He was an organist and choirmaster at a local Episcopalian church, Gordon said, never held a long-term relationship, made little fuss about his 1972 speech and resided in a Germantown house until he died in 2003. Which all, ultimately, led him to this question — and challenge — for Gordon's play: Who was the man behind the mask?

"There was no reason to know he once risked everything to form the life he continued to lead, but he did," Gordon remarked.

"The history of the man behind the mask was more famous than the man in it."

In his play, "217 Boxes," which premieres May 5 at the Painted Bride theater, Gordon focuses on three characters who consistently spring up in the boxes' documents. Together, surrounded by the archival boxes dispersed over the stage, they piece together the puzzle of who Fryer was. The play culminates in a reenactment of his landmark speech. 

“I’m hoping people will come and learn about him and where the LGBT movement was at that point," Gordon said. "Who was doing it, what was it called, what was actually possible and what they were up against.

"And I think [this play] is, in some ways, a tribute to him and his bravery. It’s a theatrical performance — I am having my own theatrical fun. But I hope in the end I am offering a tribute.”

March 22, 2016

WPA- World Largest body of Psychiatrists 'No Cure for being Gay’

The largest international organization for psychiatrists is to publish a statement condemning conversion therapy as unscientific, unethical, ineffective, and harmful, BuzzFeed News can reveal.
In a wide-ranging call to reduce the stigmatisation, discrimination, and resulting worsened mental health of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people, the World Psychiatric Association (WPA) will formally announce on Tuesday its opposition to any attempts to turn LGBT people heterosexual – known as “conversion therapy” or “reparative therapy”.
“There is no sound scientific evidence that innate sexual orientation can be changed,” says the WPA’s position statement, which has been supplied to BuzzFeed News.
“Furthermore, so-called treatments of homosexuality can create a setting in which prejudice and discrimination flourish, and they can be potentially harmful. The provision of any intervention purporting to ‘treat’ something that is not a disorder is wholly unethical.”

Although many psychiatric organisations in Western countries, such as the UK and the US, already publicly oppose conversion therapy, the WPA represents over 200,000 psychiatrists in over 118 countries, many of which criminalise homosexuality and, in some cases, condone attempts to “cure” it.
The WPA’s statement, which will likely be seen as controversial by many of its members, says: “A same-sex sexual orientation per se does not imply objective psychological dysfunction or impairment in judgement, stability, or vocational capabilities.” It continues: “[The WPA] acknowledges the lack of scientific efficacy of treatments that attempt to change sexual orientation and highlights the harm and adverse effects of such ‘therapies’.”
The WPA also calls on governments around the world to scrap laws against homosexuality:
“WPA supports the need to de-criminalise same-sex sexual orientation and behaviour and transgender gender identity, and to recognise LGBT rights to include human, civil, and political rights.”
But to reduce the suffering and mental ill-health experienced by a disproportionate number of LGBT people, governments and psychiatrists alike need to go much further than decriminalising homosexuality and banishing conversion therapy, the statement says:
“[The WPA also] supports anti-bullying legislation; anti-discrimination student, employment, and housing laws; immigration equality; equal age of consent laws; and hate crime laws providing enhanced criminal penalties for prejudice-motivated violence against LGBT people.”
It also cites research demonstrating that countries that liberalise laws around homosexuality – and provide equal legal treatment – see a resulting improvement in the mental health of their LGBT citizens.
And in a radical move that goes much further than its British or American counterparts, the WPA says psychiatrists have a duty to fight discrimination against LGBT people.
“Psychiatrists have a social responsibility to advocate for a reduction in social inequalities for all individuals, including inequalities related to gender identity and sexual orientation,” it says.
The WPA will publish the statement in full on Tuesday and email it to the heads of all member organizations shortly after. In an interview with BuzzFeed News in 2015, Professor Dinesh Bhugra, president of the WPA, said: “LGBT individuals are still seen as outsiders, not like ‘us’. If you’ve legally ended discrimination, great, but stigma hasn’t gone away.”
He spoke of the need for “radical solutions” to combat the “double jeopardy” facing LGBT people suffering mental illness, adding that governments “have to take responsibility for the mental health of the whole population. To say ‘I’m going to support the 90%’ – or whatever – ‘who are heterosexual’ is against basic human respect and human rights.”
Patrick Strudwick is the UK LGBT editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in London. 
Contact Patrick Strudwick at

May 30, 2014

Psychotic 20 yr Old Buys Gun to Probably kill, Mom Calls Police he’s Serving 15 yrs

(  Blaec Lammers is serving 15 years )

The parents of Blaec Lammers knew their 20-year-old son struggled with mental-health problems. He was on antipsychotic medications, when he wasn’t refusing to take them. Several times his parents had rushed him to the hospital for an involuntary, 96-hour psychiatric detention. It felt like a cycle without answer or end.
“Every conversation was, ‘What do we do about Blaec?’ ” his father, Bill Lammers, said from the family’s home in Bolivar, Mo.
Then, in November 2012, Blaec Lammers’s mother found a receipt for an AR-15 rifle in his blue jeans. Alarmed, she called police. Officers took him in for questioning. Blaec Lammers admitted to having homicidal thoughts and to buying two rifles with plans to shoot up a local movie theater and Wal-Mart, according to a probable-cause statement.
His parents were hailed as heroes. But today, as their son serves a 15-year prison sentence for his plot instead of getting the help they believe he needs, they are filled with doubt about their decision.
Now, Blaec Lammers’s parents look at therampage Friday in Isla Vista, Calif. — in which 22-year-old Elliot Rodger killed six people despite a series of mental-health red flags in recent months — and wonder whether their son had been heading down that same tragic path. Last month, deputies in California visited Rodger for a wellness check after his mother found disturbing videos that he had posted on YouTube, but authorities found no cause to intervene.
“The million-dollar question: Had we not done anything, would Blaec have done that?” Bill Lammers said.
The elder Lammers sees this latest mass murder — perpetrated by another young killer with hints of mental illness — as a further sign of a broken mental-health-care system and the often private struggle of families dealing with mentally ill children. An estimated 20 percent of U.S. teenagers have some mental-health irregularity, including 10 percent who have some behavior or conduct disorder, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
“You don’t want to think your son, your own blood, is going to be a shooter, a mass murderer,” Bill Lammers said. “But you’ve got to face the reality that he might’ve been.”
His son’s arrest came at a fraught time. Four months earlier, in July 2012, James Holmes, 24, walked into a movie theater in Aurora, Colo., and fatally shot 12 people and wounded 70 others. One month after Blaec Lammers’s arrest, in December 2012, Adam Lanza, 20, fatally shot 20 children and six staff members at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, Conn. The mental states of both shooters have been debated, along with whether their families or doctors could have done more to prevent their achieving their destructive ends. Holmes’s attorneys have argued that their client is too mentally ill to face the death penalty.
Bill Lammers, who works as a health-care software consultant, was in New York City on a business trip when his wife, Tricia Lammers, called him on Nov. 15, 2012. It was a Thursday afternoon. She had just found the receipt from Wal-Mart. Their first thought was that their son was going to kill himself. Then, they worried that he might hurt others. They agreed she should call law enforcement authorities in their rural, southwestern part of Missouri.
The Lammers family knew the sheriff well. Deputies had been enlisted before to help with their son. A couple years earlier, Blaec had stormed out of the house after an argument with his parents. They tried coaxing him back, but he ran off across a field.
They warned the sheriff that Blaec was off his medication. A couple hours later, the sheriff pulled up to the Lammers home and dropped off their son. The sheriff and Bill Lammers stood in the yard talking. Bill Lammers was shocked that the sheriff wasn’t going to detain his son, at least until he calmed down. But the sheriff explained that he couldn’t arrest someone until he had done something to justify that action. “Then it’s too late,” Bill Lammers told the sheriff. “We’re trying to prevent something.”
Bill Lammers recalled that conversation as he watched recent news coverage of the Isla Vista killings. A sheriff in California was explaining that Rodger, appearing timid and polite, did not meet the criteria for an involuntary hold. Rodger had not done anything, either.
“The mental-health system is totally broken,” Bill Lammers said. “Calling the police is the only option.”
Bill Lammers, 53, owns guns. He keeps them locked in a safe. He never let his son near them. He knew that Blaec should not be around firearms. So he was shocked when he learned that Blaec had bought two rifles from the local Wal-Mart.
He bought them legally. There was nothing in the standard background check to stop him. But, as Bill Lammers pointed out, this was the same Wal-Mart where his son filled prescriptions for his antipsychotic and antidepressant pills. It was also the same store where, in 2009, Blaec Lammers was found wandering the aisles carrying a butcher knife and wearing a Halloween clown mask. Deputies escorted him out of the store that time.
Bill Lammers said he does not support laws limiting the size of ammunition clips or restricting ownership of certain firearms. But he would like to see stricter laws to prevent someone with a history of serious mental illness — someone like his son — from buying firearms.
Even after police arrested Blaec Lammers, which was followed by a burst of national attention over a foiled mass-murder plot, his father never expected him to face serious prison time. Blaec Lammers, his father said, “was for the most part a peaceful, easy-going person.” In March 2014, after a bench trial, a judge sentenced Blaec Lammers to 15 years for first-degree assault and armed criminal action.
Bill Lammers said his wife has struggled with their decision to notify authorities in 2012. She expected her son to get a wellness check. He ended up giving a confession. She feels that she ruined her son’s life, Bill Lammers said. He struggles with their decision, too. “But isn’t that better than him killing 20 or 30 people?”
“We still have trouble accepting it,” he added. “It’s just like the parents out there in California.”

By Todd C. Frankel

January 16, 2014

Contamination of Thoughts

Yes, contamination of thoughts. Is it possible for an otherwise normal person to have a crazy thought which he then reveals to a friend who gets similar thoughts and have the two have an nerving desire to accomplish what the thought was all about. Like a chemical reaction or an skin eating infestation.

Eating your wife, boyfriend? Planting an explosive, robbing someone. It would have nothing to do with physical need but a need purely in their mind. Like the guy that wont stop until het gets the most hung guy he could ever find, if not that then a toy, a battle?

What are the bounds of thoughts for certain people for which there are no boundaries.

I brought the discussion to this blog because of certain stories I have posted and investigated my self  about certain weird issues that have occurred in the public eye.. Some I wont even post.

If you click here: When you eat my brains make sure you include my eyes first it will take you to the story, A Mind is an Awful Thing to Have ask the Cop Who Wanted his Wife for Main Coarse

If you haven’t read it yet, I invite you to do. You could leave a message here. What do you think? It is seldom that we can express our thoughts to a few thousand people in a 24-36 hour period without suffering any negatives consequences.. This is your chance you can say who you are or come in anonymous. Do Post here at the main site so the most people will read  it.
Thank You for reading us.

Adam Gonzalez,

October 17, 2013

Prisoners of the State: Forced psychiatry in today’s Russia and Russia A Psychotic Nation

© RIA Novosti. Ruslan Krivobok

A court last week ordered activist Mikhail Kosenko to undergo compulsory psychiatric treatment for attacking a riot police officer during the May 6, 2012 protest rally on the eve of Vladimir Putin's inauguration. The ruling sparked concerns among rights activists that Soviet-era punitive psychiatry, when dissidents were found to be insane and confined to institutions, was returning. It also raised questions about what exactly happens to a person sentenced to compulsory psychiatric treatment.
At the mercy of doctors
If a court rules that a suspect was "insane" while he committed the crime, as it did in Kosenko's case, there are four different types of compulsory treatment that he can be ordered to undergo, according to Yury Savenko, president of the Independent Psychiatric Association, an organization that protects the rights of psychiatric patients.
The lightest form of treatment is ambulatory, when the person is treated as an outpatient. Persons ordered to undergo compulsory confinement can be placed in three different types of psychiatric hospitals: those with normal supervision, increased or specialized supervision and strict supervision (high-security psychiatric hospitals).
Laws passed after the breakup of the Soviet Union aimed at preventing punitive psychiatry being used as a political measure sought to bring these psychiatric facilities under the control of the Health Ministry rather than the Interior Ministry.
Today, according to lawyer Pavel Chikov of the Agora human rights organization, psychiatric hospitals with specialized or strict supervision answer both to the Federal Prison Service and the Health Ministry. That means that while federal authorities will guard the ward from the outside, on the inside, only doctors are responsible for patients' security, and for determining how long they will spend at any given facility.
"Today, paradoxically, special hospitals [for compulsory treatment] are perhaps even better than average ones because they are financed via the state budget and get better funding," Savenko said. "They have rehabilitation programs with foreign specialists."
The downside, Savenko said, is that the 1993 law guaranteeing psychiatric patients their rights isn't actually enforced.  
"There is neither government control, nor public control in these facilities," he said. "They are left at the mercy of the personnel who get tiny salaries."
According to the Health Ministry, compulsory treatment is not a prison sentence.
"Patients are not released, they are discharged," Tatyana Klimenko, an aide at the Health Ministry, told The Moscow News. "Compulsory treatment is not punishment. It is treatment which is carried out if the patient requires it."
According to Klimenko, however, an evaluation which determines which type of facility a person is placed in must be ordered by the court or the investigators in order to be valid.
According to Savenko, Mikhail Kosenko, who has been treated for mental disability as an outpatient for more than a decade, should have been allowed to remain an outpatient.
Based on the official evaluation, Kosenko was ordered to undergo confinement at a psychiatric hospital with normal supervision, which will likely place him in Moscow Psychiatric Hospital No. 5, according to Savenko.
However, Kosenko's lawyer, Dmitry Aivazyan, said it was too early to determine which facility his client would be sent to. That decision will be made once the court ruling goes into effect following appeals, and could be months away.
If Kosenko is sent to Hospital No. 5, "the conditions aren't that bad," Aivazyan told The Mosocw News. "I've been there. At least, they allow lawyers to be present and we can watch [to make sure] his rights are protected."
High security
At psychiatric hospitals with specialized or strict supervision, lawyers are not allowed inside. Inmates can be held indefinitely at these facilities, and the length of their stay is at the discretion of the psychiatrists. Once they are released, they must spend at least six months in a psychiatric hospital with normal supervision before they are fully discharged.
Yelena Stepanova (her name has been changed to protect her son's identity) spent three years trying to get her son out of a high-security psychiatric hospital in Kazan.
Her son, who suffered from a moderate schizophrenia-like disorder, was placed there after trying to escape from a normal hospital, where he was confined after a court found him guilty of passing on a dose of heroin to an acquaintance.
Stepanova's son was released last year after she complained to the European Court of Human Rights and Russia's Justice Ministry got involved in the case.
"It's hell," Stepanova said about the conditions at her son's second psychiatric hospital in an email to The Moscow News. "Small cells where people with light and severe forms of mental disorders are kept together, spending at least 18.5 hours a day there."
Instead of a toilet, each cell was equipped with two buckets, Stepanova added.
But at normal security facilities, like Moscow Psychiatric Hospital No. 5, patients still describe conditions like those of a prison - with the difference being that patients do not know when they could go home.
"[My brother's been there for] five and a half years," Yelena Sviridova, whose name has been changed to protect her brother's identity, told The Moscow News.  "They don't want to let him out. Every time I ask when they will let him out, they say it's up to the psychiatrists. Every time they schedule a court hearing, they don't call us."
Psychiatric repression?
Currently, there are a total of 24,003 people undergoing compulsory psychiatric treatment, according to figures provided by the Health Ministry. Of these, 7,624 people are outpatients, 6,310 are patients at facilities with normal supervision, and 5,870 and 4,199 are patients, respectively, at specialized facilities and those with strict supervision.
According to Agora's Chikov, Kosenko's ruling marks the first time since the Soviet era when a political activist has been sentenced to compulsory psychiatric treatment.
While political activists facing criminal charges are sometimes forced to undergo psychiatric evaluation, actual psychiatric confinement of activists is rare. "In practice, a psychiatric ward is used as a threat," Chikov told The Moscow News.
Compulsory psychiatric treatment for people accused of dissent, once a mass phenomenon in the Soviet Union, is sporadic today, Savenko said.
More frequent, however, is when compulsory psychiatric confinement is used as a means of pressure in business dealings, according to Lev Ponomaryov, head of the For Human Rights movement. Frequent cases involve "someone wanting to take over real estate," Ponomaryov said. "In some cases, in raids on a business."
In his practice, Ponomaryov said he has come across children from orphanages forced into psychiatric hospitals as punishment. "I've had to get perfectly healthy kids out of psychiatric wards," he said. "[They're placed there] without a court order."
Such cases of abuse of the punitive psychiatry system have grown more widespread since the fall of the Soviet Union, according to Ponomaryov.
"[Abuses] have always gone on [since the 1990s]," Ponomaryov added. "It's just that Kosenko's case is interesting and drawing attention to the issue.”
by Anna Arutunyan

Russia a Psychotic Nation:            

  • The May 9th Victory Day celebration, a Russian Orthodox priest says, shows that Russia over the course of the last century and thanks to the imposition of Soviet values which continue to define the thinking and behavior of people there a sociopathic country, a state which “cannot live with others” because it is “indifferent to their rights.”
  • In a disturbing essay posted on the portal, Father Yakov Krotov says that “Russia was not always a sociopath.” While it was far from the most attractive of European countries in the 19th century, “it was a normal underdeveloped country, “capable of “concluding alliances” and “remaining true to them.
  • While tsarist Russia was known as “the gendarme of Europe,” it was never called “the militiaman” of the continent because “unlike the militiaman, a gendarme all the same is a social phenomenon,” an individual responsible for enforcing laws that protect society rather than acting without regard for those laws and only for his own benefit. Militiamen are hardly unique in this, Krotov continues, and he points to the attitudes and behavior of the oligaqrchs. “An oligarch who says that things are better in Russia than in England because in Russia he does not have to obey laws is a sociopath. He does not understand that while he can hid from the courts, he can’t protect his own child” from various social ills.
  • Krotov cites a psychoanalytic handbook to the effect that “anti=social psychopaths are not constrained by the norms of morality. They lie completely shamelessly … In most cases, they are moved by consideration of their own benefit but only in the short term: the longer-term consequences of their actions do not affect them much.”
  • “Is the acquisition of Abkhazia and South Ossetia profitable for Russia?” Krotov asks. “Is it profitable to establish such a protectorate over Georgia through which Central Asia will not be able to sell its gas to Europe so that we can remain monopolists? It is profitable – but “only in the short term.”
  • “Is it profitable to take money from a neighbor for a car and then not give it to him? It is profitable – one has the car. But that this will mean that one will not have good relations with the neighbor is not important to a sociopath. Relations are the essence of ‘social,’ and the sociopath fears that as much as fire.”
  • The Russia that developed after 1917 is defined by the medical description of sociopathy, the Orthodox priest continues. “’About their own failings, sociopaths never regret and are not inclined to learn from.’” Instead, they blame others or put our superficially attractive explanations, “’which leads to conflict with society.’” When a country becomes sociopathetic, he says, it “accuses the countries around it and enters into conflict with the international community,” seeking only a short-term gain and ignoring the way in which its actions will undermine the possibility for cooperation and development of ties.
  • But there are other aspects of the sociopathetic personality which become especially dangerous when they are raised to the level of an entire country: Typically, Krotov continues, again citing the psychological text, sociopaths “act impulsively and are not inclined to planning. They are not afraid of threats and future punishments and dangers.’” Indeed, and as paradoxical and counter-intuitive as it may seem, “their own security and that of others does not worry them very much.” Krotov continues by observing that a sociopath, either an individual or a state, “does not understand what social security is because he [it] does not understand what a society is.”
  • “Sociopathology is a victory over society. In the West people complain that society is individualistic, atomized, broken apart? Let them come to Russia: here there is no atomization or individualism!” That is because “here there is no society: 100 million sociopaths do not form a society just as … 100 zeks [or 100 of their jailors0 do not form a parliament.”
  • “When did sociopathy triumph in Russia?” Krotov asks, and he suggests that the answer is provided by the chief holidays the country celebrates: the anniversary of the October 1917 revolution, army day, and Victory Day on May 9th,” the last being perhaps the most indicative of the country’s descent into sociopathy relative to the rest of the world.
  • “In the final analysis,” he concludes, “the revolution and the reddening of the army are deeply internal phenomena, but May 9th is a commemoration of the separation of Russia from [its] allies in the anti-Hitler coalition,” a world in which most countries, including former enemies, mark “not victory or defeat but forgiveness and rapprochement.

October 7, 2013

The War in My Head Same as River Phoenix

The War in my Head                                                              


I received this letter from one of my readers today. Im doing a posting about River Phoenix and his depression which let him to commit suicide. Our Community is plagued by this mental disease and not enough is being done about it. Many of us are suffering from battle fatigue. Some have lost all to AIDS but somehow survived and now are sorry that they were living for today as they were told they were    going to die but didn’t. No credit in many cases. Their priority was to feed 
thems elves and pay rent and utilities.  If you are dying in one year you are single why worry about bill collectors many thought. “I need to remain as healthy as I can until the end to be able to fight this”

Other Just felt overwhelmed keeping the secret that they have being gay and feel worthless and others feel worthless because of abused intended or not by hater and ignorant people and families. Here below is J. Never met him but he felt trusting enough to write me the letter then thinking it could tell others emailed me that it was ok to post it. So Im also posting my reply to him. These events happened today as I was working on adamfoxie blog. Depression and mental problems need to be address and make it easier for people to seek for help before something tragic happens. 

Just over the weekend someone burt himself in front of the White House gates. He is just died today. But as people were trying to put him out the only thing he was saying was ’thank you’ Thank you for helping me” To me that says volumes of what kind of person he was! 
I invite you to read J’s letter. Has nor been edited in any way. Just the size to fit the page on the blog.
I hope and J hopes that it helps somebody. He is learned that there a of other people like him.

       Over the last several days, I was going through an episode of depression that was eating inside of me.  There have been many factors involved in this disturbing period of time.  Family drama, leaving my job and awkward feelings about many people on Google+ and Twitter has made it difficult and at times uncomfortable to be socially active with everyone.  A friend of mine told me that he was going through the same thing, and that he tries to wing it as much as he can.  Despite this, I feel that I am unstable and can be like a ticking time bomb.  This actually can hurt me more than it can hurt everyone else.
       This whole depression started when I was in college.  Before college, I was a homebody; I use to keep to myself.  I only manage to socialize, but when I was in school.  However, when I was in college, I was in a new environment.  It was difficult for me to adjust to the social circles that were created.  It made me feel like an introvert, because I feel like I do not belong to any circle.  I was the man nobody wanted.  This makes it hard to become as popular as some of the others I have met online.  You make think this is awkward, but this is what I have to go through each and every day.  
       I am taking some vitamin D3-5000 pills to help with my depression, but very limited because, I confess, I tend to be lazy and unmotivated.  I just don’t know how to shake this feeling off, but I try my damnedest to continue onward.  I even try to listen to music, but even that brings up painful memories.  This depression has made me powerless and on the verge of suicide.  I felt I was living my darkest hour.  
       All of this has generate a war inside my head that has brought not only division amongst myself, but to all my friends, be in person or online.  It hurts me to say this but even when I am surrounded by many people; be at my workplace or out on the town, I still feel lonely.  It is the instinct inside of me, and I can’t shake it off.  I always feel that there are two Jasons fighting each other over me.  One is acting like the redeemer; while the other is the destroyer.  They are continuously at odds with one another, hurting relationships and turning people against me.
       As much as I try to recover, I feel pressured by the outside world to be a better man.  However, it can take one bad comment from another to send me back into the depression I so desperately try to avoid.  I often wonder if they were meant to be friends, or just someone looking for me to just be quiet and just be their “yes’ man.  I hate the fact that everyone is advising me to be independent while being dependent on them.  I feel like their slave of sorts, and it hurts me.  Call it crazy, awkward or whatever, this is my opinion.  
       Also, I have had some successful points in my life.  I have made some good friends online who understand my scenario.  Some people understand me even more than I know myself.  I even have a few who really want to meet me, and I want to meet them.  But still, there will be a moment that I feel attacked by everyone, and it would make me turn against everyone.  Despite this, I still like meeting people.  Some have a crush for me, which is cool.  Some have feelings for me, also cool because I have feeling for them.  But there are those who are obsessed with me, and that will make me feel uncomfortable and may make want to avoid them.  I don’t want to hurt any feelings but this is me, and I can’t change that.
       Even online, there are some post, comments and chats that I feel uncomfortable with.  I try to go with the flow, but it gets to the point where I may lose control and release a demonic force that will do more harm than good.  This is not to be an attention whore as many people may think; it is just that is uncomfortable for me at the moment.  I will allow them to block me, but given fair warning, they are missing out on full potential that I can give to the table.
        It has been a hard road for me to go on.  But I am thankful for friends who stick with me as I go through this cursed journey.  However, I will have a moment where I will fall on my face and return to that nightmarish hell that has brought me into this meaningless existence.  But with awesome friends, my independent thoughts and opinions, and my faith in God and my friends, I feel I can overcome my demons and be able to win the war that is inside of me.  I can’t do it without the people that have faith in me.

by J

 Hi J.
Thank you for your confidence and trust. I my self have gone through dark periods of depression. I some how pull my self out. Usually get that way when I get hits at the same time from different sources. I understand that depression is no different than ulcers or even cancer. There is a root of the problem which sometimes is hard to find. But it is a chemical imbalance in the brain which is causing  it. Sometimes is good to speak to a professional and some times for many people is good to take a med to try and correct the problem. Talking about in trust is a good thing. Some people as you day make matters worse. Is not recommended to tell everyone. Remember that everyone goes through periods of depression. The trick is to come out of it even if it's just for the air.
My friend I hope this finds you better..I have gone through it like most people. I'm coming out now from a dark period that lasted a year or so. I'm coming out by concentrating on the positive. Looking at what a good person  I am and liking my self again. When you start not liking your self that is the signal you are on the elevator and just pressed B. Just don't get out. You know the elevtor will come up again. Get out on a nice floor where there is people you like.
Take my friend and hang in there.

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New Book Out Says River Phoenix Did Not Haver to Die

The sad truth of suicides committed under pressure of depression of life status and fear of failing or thinking that they have reached a plateau and nothing will e as good. These are clear signs that the person need psychiatric help. Rich or poor it hits everyone. If you are gay you have more pleasure than the normal individual and you have more gay kids committing suicide than anyone else.

River Phoenix could be alive today if his brother and celebrity friends had got him help more quickly the night he died, a new book claims.
The Stand By Me star should have been put in an ambulance straight away by his brother Joaquin and girlfriend Samantha Mathis when he started vomiting that Halloween in 1993.
Instead Joaquin took him outside and insisted everything was OK - only calling for help when he went into a seizure.
Last night at the Viper Room: A new book on River Phoenix details the young actor's final hours as he overdosed outside the Viper Room in Los Angeles on Halloween, 1993
Last night at the Viper Room: A new book on River Phoenix details the young actor's final hours as he overdosed outside the Viper Room in Los Angeles on Halloween, 1993
Last night at the Viper Room: A new book on River Phoenix details the 23-year-old actor's final hours as he overdosed outside the Viper Room in Los Angeles on Halloween, 1993
River died aged just 23 as a result of the speedball he had drunk whilst at the notorious Viper Room club in Los Angeles.
Who's to blame? A new book about Phoenix written by Rolling Stone contributing editor Gavin Edwards alleges that he would still be alive today if his friends called for help sooner
Who's to blame? A new book about Phoenix written by Rolling Stone contributing editor Gavin Edwards alleges that he would still be alive today if his friends called for help sooner
The lethal cocktail was a mixture of cocaine and heroin. 
Writing in his biography of River, Gavin Edwards, a contributing editor at Rolling Stone magazine, describes his brother and friends as ‘young, scared, and they didn’t know what to do.’
He also reveals that River was thinking of quitting the movie business, even though he had a bright future ahead of him.
The book’s claims are likely to reopen old wounds about who was to blame for River’s untimely demise ahead of the 20th anniversary of his death on October 31 this year. 
He is still being mourned to this day after being described as the new James Dean for starring in the coming of age drama Stand By Me and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade in which he played a young Indiana Jones.
He was also a known drug addict and had a serious heroin problem.
The night he died River went to the Viper Room, which was owned by Johnny Depp, where he met his younger sister Rain, Joaquin and girlfriend Samantha Mathis.
River was there to see his friend Flea of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers with the intention of joining his band on stage, but when told there was no room to play he went back to his table.
According to an extract of Edwards’ book published in the New York Daily News, River gulped down a drink that was the deadly mixture of heroin and cocaine, prompting him to vomit and slump in his chair.
If the ambulance had been called at that moment then he might have been saved, the book says.
Remembered: After his death, fans of Phoenix's mourned his loss by setting flowers and lighting flowers outside of the club where he spent his final hours
Remembered: After his death, fans of Phoenix's mourned his loss by setting flowers and lighting flowers outside of the club where he spent his final hours
Remembered: After his death, River's fans mourned his loss by setting flowers and lighting flowers outside of the club where he spent his final hours
Instead, guided by Joaquin, he left the club and temporarily roused himself before falling onto the ground and going into a seizure which Rain tried to stop by sitting on his chest.
Over the next vital few minutes Christina Applegate, who was at the Viper Room too, came out of the club in tears and Mathis broke down in despair.
Joaquin, who was 19 at the time, kept saying that the situation was under control but finally called 911 and begged: ‘Please come, he’s dying, please’. 
Getting help: River's brother Joaquin was at the Viper that night with his brother, and was the one to finally call the police when his brother started having seizures on the sidewalk outside
Getting help: River's brother Joaquin was at the Viper that night with his brother, and was the one to finally call the police when his brother started having seizures on the sidewalk outside
Last time together: Phoenix's girlfriend Samantha Mathis, both pictured above in the movie The Thing Called Love, broke down in tears when she saw her boyfriend overdosing outside the club
Last time together: Phoenix's girlfriend Samantha Mathis, both pictured above in the movie The Thing Called Love, broke down in tears when she saw her boyfriend overdosing outside the club

River was declared dead at Cedars-Sinai at 1:51am that night.
His death was seen as so tragic because he showed so much promise in his acting career.


River was nominated for an Academy Award for his performance in 1988’s Running on Empty in which he played the son of a fugitive family living underground.
He also won critical praise for the independent drama My Own Private Idaho in which he and Keanu Reeves played a pair of young hustlers.
Child star: River's breakout role was in the 1986 film Stand By Me (second left)
Child star: River's breakout role was in the 1986 film Stand By Me (second left)
Up and coming: River's career shifted when he starred as a gay street hustler in Gus Van Sant's My Own Private Idaho, left, and many believe he passed before his acting prime. In the book, it's revealed that he considering quitting
Up and coming: River's career shifted when he starred as a gay street hustler in Gus Van Sant's My Own Private Idaho, left, and many believe he passed before his acting prime. In the book, it's revealed that he considering quitting

But he had a troubled upbringing and his mother Heart and father John were part of the Children of God, a Christian sex cult, and moved around a lot, spending time in Venezuela.
River supposedly lost his virginity at the age of four, which would have left him deeply damaged later in life.
Edwards writes that by the time he died River’s relationship with his father was strained and his dad had moved to Costa Rica from where he told his son to quit Hollywood because he thought it was corrupt.
His mother meanwhile was managing his career.
Upbringing: River had an unusual childhood. His parents were members of a Christian sex cult, and he says he lost his virginity at age four which left him deeply damaged later in life
Upbringing: River had an unusual childhood. His parents were members of a Christian sex cult, and he says he lost his virginity at age four which left him deeply damaged later in life
Upbringing: River had an unusual childhood. His parents were members of a Christian sex cult, and he says he lost his virginity at age four which left him deeply damaged later in life

River supposedly turned down films like the drama Reality Bites, which eventually made a star out of Ethan Hawke.
Edwards writes that River agreed to do Interview with the Vampire and another film called Dark Blood but told his dad that after that he was done with acting.
The book is not the only one released to coincide with the 20th anniversary of River’s death.
River’s former friend, musician Bob Forrest, recently wrote his own memoir in which he recalled the horrifying moment he collapsed outside the Viper Room.
Forrest writes that River told him: 'I don't feel so good. I think I'm OD'ing' moments before he passed out.
He also detailed their drug routine which was to smoke crack or inject cocaine then inject some heroin to ‘get a grip and come down’.

Two decades later: October 31 marks the 20-year anniversary of River's death. Above, pictured with ex-girlfriend Martha Plimpton
Two decades later: October 31 marks the 20-year anniversary of River's death. Above, pictured with ex-girlfriend Martha Plimpton

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