Showing posts with label Gay Straight Issues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gay Straight Issues. Show all posts

December 13, 2019

One Million Moms Think All Moms Are or Ought To Be Straight, Maybe They Should Get Out More!

zola ad lesbian kiss hallmark channel

A TV network that is known for its heartwarming movies and not for its rabble-rousing, Hallmark Channel has recently managed to rouse some rabble thanks to a commercial featuring two women sharing a kiss. The ad has sparked a negative reaction from the vocal advocacy group One Million Moms, which is now petitioning Hallmark Channel to reverse course and stop airing LGBTQ-related content.

What Is The Commercial About?

For anyone who may have assumed that the commercial in question was a Hallmark-produced spot promoting the TV channel itself, that's not the case. The ad that sent One Million Moms into an uproar was actually for the wedding-planning website Zola. 
In it, a same-sex couple is getting married, and their time at the altar is spent discussing the advantages that Zola provides its customers when it comes to organizing nuptials. The 30-second spot ends on the couple sharing a kiss and then walking back down the aisle as a newly married couple.
You can watch it for yourself below.

By any stretch, the Zola commercial is a tame one, and the kiss isn't salacious in any sense of the word. But that didn't stop the One Million Moms group from condemning the ad and the network in general.

What Was One Million Moms' Reaction?

After allegedly receiving complaints from viewers about the Zola ad airing on Hallmark Channel, One Million Moms put out a press statement combined with a petition that calls for Hallmark to reconsider broadcasting ads and other content that embraces LGBTQ characters and storylines.
The One Million Moms petition acknowledges that Hallmark Channel doesn't currently have any projects in the works that are focused on the LGBTQ community. However, the group also brought up comments made by execs at Crown Media Family Networks, the company that owns Hallmark, in which the network's goal to add more inclusive content was made clear. 
Below is a portion of the petition: 
"Shame on Hallmark for airing commercials with same-sex couples and even considering movies with LGBT content and lead characters. Until recently, Hallmark had a good record for keeping their movies and commercials family-friendly. Now, parents can no longer trust Hallmark because Hallmark is no longer allowing parents to be the primary educators when it comes to sex and sexual morality."
One Million Moms is not knew to the TV-protesting game. As long as it has existed under the umbrella of the American Family Association, it and the One Million Dads group has targeted various projects and entertainers for promoting LGBTQ values and other viewpoints it sees as negative, including Ellen DeGeneres' J.C. Penney's campaign, GEICO's pig mascot Maxwell, a Campbell's Soup ad, and the then-Fox series Lucifer.

May 23, 2019

Support For Gay Marriage Have Been Stable for The Past Decade (Gallup Poll)


WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A majority of Americans (63%) continue to say same-sex marriage should be legal, on par with the 64% to 67% Gallup has recorded since 2017.                       
Line graph. A majority of Americans continue to support same-sex marriage, with 63% saying it should be legal.

These data are from Gallup's annual Values and Beliefs poll, conducted May 1-12. The latest figure marks the continuation of a trend that finds support for same-sex marriage remains more than twice as high as it was when Gallup first polled on the question in 1996. At that time, just over a quarter of Americans said it should be legal.
Gallup polls over the past decade have mostly shown small, incremental increases in support for gay marriage each year. Majorities of Americans have continuously supported same-sex couples' right to marry since late 2012, not long after President Barack Obama came out in support of it -- making him the first president to do so.
In the few years leading up to Obama's announcement, the issue was more contentious, with the percentages in favor and opposed within single digits of each other. Gay marriage was legalized in dozens of states in the 2000s and early 2010s before the Supreme Court's decision in Obergefell v. Hodges in 2015, which made same-sex marriage legal nationwide.

Gay Marriage Support Has Increased by Double Digits Among All Groups Since 1999

Gallup has seen 22- to 37-percentage-point increases in support for same-sex marriage across all major demographic groups since 1999.
Twenty years ago, a majority of just one group -- 18- to 29-year-olds (52%) -- supported legalizing gay marriage. By 2009, majorities of both young adults (59%) and Democrats (55%) supported legal same-sex marriage.
Today, majorities of most groups support gay marriage -- with the exception of adults aged 65 and older (47%) and Republicans (44%).
Women (66%) remain slightly more approving than men of legal gay marriage (61%). And regionally, the South remains the least supportive of same-sex marriages, though a small majority (57%) now supports it (it garnered majority support for the first time in this region in 2017). 63% Say Gay or Lesbian Relations Are Morally Acceptable
The same percentage of Americans consider gay relations to be morally acceptable (63%) as favor gay marriage. This is in line with the 60% to 67% viewing gay relations as morally acceptable in Gallup's trend since 2015. Similar to the demographics of approval on gay marriage, adults younger than 30 (84%) and Democrats (77%) are most likely to say gay and lesbian relations are morally acceptable, while adults aged 65 and older (51%) and Republicans (49%) are the least likely to say the same. 
Line graph. Most Americans, 63%, say gay and lesbian relations are morally acceptable, compared with 35% who disagree.

 Bottom Line
Americans have "evolved," to use Obama's term about his personal stance on the issue, in their views on marriage. Sixty years ago, in 1959, a mere 4% of Americans approved of marriages between blacks and whites -- and even after the Supreme Court's Loving v. Virginia case legalized interracial marriage in 1967, majorities of Americans didn't approve of such unions until decades later, in the late 1990s.
Support for same-sex marriage increased in a much shorter time frame, becoming law in all 50 states just 11 years after Massachusetts became the first to legalize it.
At least six in 10 Americans have supported gay marriage in almost every Gallup reading since the Supreme Court's 2015 decision -- and a similar proportion have said that gay or lesbian relations are morally acceptable. It's possible that, for at least the time being, support for same-sex marriage has reached a ceiling, but the strong support seen today among young adults is likely to propel the national figure higher in the future.
Learn more about how the Gallup Poll Social Series works.

January 29, 2018

Gay Mormon Man Married Woman but Did Not Like It-Divorcing

 The Weed (Josh Weed)

It was close to six years ago when Josh Weed, a gay Mormon, went public with his rather unusual personal story: He had been married — happily — to a woman, Lolly for more than a decade. They had three kids and a “wonderful sex life.”


The story went viral for the obvious people-like-this-actually-exist?! reasons, but it also perpetuated the nasty myth that gay people who were religious could simply suppress their same-sex sexual desires and have wonderful opposite-sex relationships. (The couple was even referenced in a Supreme Court amicus brief on the anti-gay side of the Obergefell case that legalized marriage equality, though it’s unclear if they were aware of that in advance.)

Well, you’ll never believe who’s finally getting a divorce…

Weed explained the situation in a now-deleted blog post:

Today, we need to let you know that Lolly and I are divorcing.

Surely, there will be those who are amused or overjoyed. (One of the most common things that bring people to our blog from Google these days is the phrase “are Josh and Lolly weed still married.”) There will be those who feel Schadenfreude and who might relish in our pain, and in the embarrassment, we might feel in having to own up to our current reality. If that is you, I respect your reaction — I’ve reacted similarly to distant events in the past myself, and I know how it goes. I think this is human nature.

But along with this, there will be people who are very hurt, very saddened, very disturbed, very troubled, or whose very faith might be challenged by the sentence above. If that is you, I yearn for Lolly and me to be able to sit with you. Cheesy as this is, I wish we could all hold hands as the solemnity of what I just said above washes over us, so that we could then lean over and tell you: “it’s going to be okay.” Because it is.

Weed and his soon-to-be ex-wife say they still love each other (but not in that way) and that this is a decision they arrived at together. I don’t take any joy in the breakup of a couple with four kids. But I have so many questions…
Is he still Mormon?

Does he admit he was the poster boy for the anti-gay movement?

Does he feel bad about that?

Does he have any idea how many lives he must have ruined?

He hasn’t abandoned his faith… but that’s not very surprising. He spent more than a decade lying to himself about what he wanted in a relationship, so it’s not hard to believe he’d be confused about what he wants in a religion. (Spoiler: The LDS Church has no love for gay people who don’t want to be celibate.)

But I’m surprised to see that Weed readily admits his role in the anti-gay world. He seems like he’s genuinely trying to atone for what he’s done.

We’re sorry to any LGBTQIA person who was given false hope by our story, or who used our story as part of the basis for their life-decisions. We honor your decisions, whatever they are, and we’re sorry for any way in which our current trajectory might be unsettling or alarming.

I, Josh, am sorry to the many LGBTQIA people over the years that I subconsciously saw myself as different than. I am no different than you, and any degree to which I held on to the idea that I could be gay without being gay was, I see now, a manifestation of lingering internalized homophobia born of decades of being told this part of me was evil. It was an effort to belong to the “in-group” (heterosexual members of the Mormon Church) that I was actually not a part of.

I really want to be mad at this guy — and I am for his past — but I’m not sure what more anyone could ask him to do at this point. He admits the problem and he says he wants to be a part of the solution moving forward. In a way, he’s like a preacher who becomes an atheist: the (de)conversion carries more weight because of who he used to be. If Weed can convince Mormons that you can’t really “be gay without being gay,” then he’d be making a positive difference moving forward.

That doesn’t, however, mean we should forget about the damage he caused for so many years. What’s Weed going to do to prevent suicides that may have resulted from his actions? What’s he going to do about the anti-gay bigotry in the LDS Church? Where does he go from here?

I don’t care if he finds a same-sex partner. But his apology to the LGBTQ community rings hollow unless he follows it up with real action.

(Thanks to Dee for the link).   BY HEMANT MEHTA
 Story Posted on:

December 15, 2016

“My Wife Wants a Divorce Because I had Sex with a Buddy in College”

 This is what the wife was told about her husband, she never found him with someone else but this is what she always had in mind when he was not with her.

Recently my wife said she wants to separate after eight years of marriage, and has been to a solicitor. She doesn’t seem to want to discuss the reasons why she wants to separate, simply saying she doesn’t love me any more.
I suspect her reason for wanting to end our marriage follows a visit to our home two years ago by my housemate when I was a student. This chap, who is openly gay, told my wife about a one-night stand we had when we were students. At the time my wife was furious and I explained to her the truth as I see it. This was something that happened impulsively, I don’t necessarily have regrets about it, but neither do I identify as gay or bisexual. I did not tell her about it when we met, because I had never really given it much thought. Initially our relationship went back to normal, but about six months ago I went on an overnight business trip with a male colleague who is gay and she started to question my sexuality again.

I love my wife and our family life. I don’t want it to end like this. I grew up in a broken home and me and my siblings suffered as a result of our parents break up. I don’t want this for our children. How do I persuade her that I love her and have no desire for anyone else, female or male?

There are a number of issues here: your wife’s insecurity regarding your sexual past, her sense that you withheld your same-sex encounter, and your own fear about separation. This suspicion has been going on for two years now and I wonder if it is not pointing to deeper issues in your relationship. 
It is likely that your relationship was in trouble before the revelation by your ex housemate as two years is a long time to hoard betrayal. There is now a crisis as your wife has initiated separation and it seems you don’t fully understand why she is taking this drastic step. 

Is there an opportunity to ask for couple counselling so that you can get some help understanding the situation. This might lead to options for you.

She says she does not love you any more but it may be that she finds it intolerable that you can go on a business trip and she does not trust you not to have sex with someone else. This issue of trust in your relationship is central and you must decide if this is a real issue between you or if she is struggling with her own self-esteem issues.

Trust is created when people are honest with each other and when there is consistency in the relationship. You may not even be aware of your dishonesty in terms of not telling your wife as you see some things as unimportant – it is possible you did not speak for fear of conflict or break-up. 
Now is a time for raw honesty and not persuasion. Talking about your sexual past, your desires and vulnerabilities may be a way of showing her you are truly willing to be honest; the barrier for you could be that she might find this hard to hear and continue with the separation. She may not trust that you are fully engaged in your intimacy. It might also be true that you are not willing to fully explain this as you do not really understand it yourself. 

There is no guarantee that communicating now will be enough to open up a possibility for survival of the marriage but not engaging is to further the possibility of separation.

If you feel that there is a self-confidence issue for your wife, perhaps you can support her by suggesting you both take some time for individual counselling before coming to a final decision on the marriage. You might decide to stay in separate bedrooms while this is going on to signify that you must again chose each other and it cannot be presumed while you investigate what has happened.
You say that you came from a broken home and this has left you with a strong desire to keep your own home intact. It may be that this fear of repeating the past is the strongest message your wife gets from you: that fear rather than love is the guiding principle. If this is so, it would be worthwhile for you to take responsibility for this and again honesty can demonstrate that you are self-aware enough to do your part in creating changes that might make the marriage worth saving.

See for accredited psychotherapists countrywide

This article was originally posted on Irish Times. I have been posting articles from them for a long time and find them credible and truthful. Their LGBT stories about that part of the world are very consistent. I like Irish Times!

April 17, 2016

Half of Straights Carry the Gay Genes Combination


Genetic Literacy Project

 Prevalence of homosexuality in men is stable throughout time since many carry the genes
Computer model sheds light on how male homosexuality remains present in populations throughout the ages

Around half of all heterosexual men and women potentially carry so-called homosexuality genes that are passed on from one generation to the next. This has helped homosexuality to be present among humans throughout history and in all cultures, even though homosexual men normally do not have many descendants who can directly inherit their genes. This idea is reported by Giorgi Chaladze of the Ilia State University in Georgia, and published in Springer's journal Archives of Sexual Behavior. Chaladze used a computational model that, among others, includes aspects of heredity and the tendency of homosexual men to come from larger families.

According to previous research, sexual orientation is influenced to a degree by genetic factors and is therefore heritable. Chaladze says this poses a problem from an evolutionary perspective, because homosexual men tend not to have many offspring to whom they can provide their genetic material. In fact, they have on average five times fewer children than their heterosexual counterparts.

Chaladze used an individual-based genetic model to explain the stable, yet persistent, occurrence of homosexuality within larger populations. He took into account findings from recent studies that show that homosexual men tend to come from larger families. These suggest that the genes responsible for homosexuality in men increase fecundity (the actual number of children someone has) among their female family members, who also carry the genes. Other reports also suggest that many heterosexual men are carriers of the genes that could predispose someone to homosexuality.

Based on Chaladze's calculations, male homosexuality is maintained in a population at low and stable frequencies if half of the men and roughly more than half of the women carry genes that predispose men to homosexuality.

"The trend of female family members of homosexual men to have more offspring can help explain the persistence of homosexuality, if we also consider that those males who have such genes are not always homosexuals," says Chaladze.

The possibility that many heterosexual men are carriers can also explain why estimates of the number of men who have reported any same-sex sexual behavior and same-sex sexual attraction are much higher than estimates of those who self-identify as homosexual or bisexual. According to Chaladze, non-homosexual male carriers might sometimes manifest interest in homosexual behavior without having a homosexual identity.

The possibility that a large percentage of heterosexual people are carriers of genetic material predisposing to homosexuality has implications for genomic studies. Researchers should therefore consider including participants who do not have homosexual relatives in such studies.

The above post is reprinted from materials provided by Springer
*Springer. "Prevalence of homosexuality in men is stable throughout time since many carry the genes: Computer model sheds light on how male homosexuality remains present in populations throughout the ages." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 12 April 2016

March 5, 2016

New Study on Why Straights Don’t Like Gays (Homophobia)

Dear socially conservative straight people,"We think it’s great you’ve decided to get married and raise a family — it’s a beautiful choice to make! And if you hadn’t noticed, many same-sex couples are taking similar life steps.But here’s the thing — regardless of your choice to get married or stay single, we really, truly, sincerely don’t give one iota of a damn about your sex life. Unless, of course, you’re thinking of experimenting with your own gender. Then we might be able to figure something out. (Big maybe.)It’s time you pay us the same courtesy.Cheers,Common Sense Gays For a Better Tomorrow
It seems silly that in 2016, straight people are still letting gay rights affect their own lives so directly, but a new UCLA psychology study published in the journal Psychological Science concludes that many straight people still oppose same-sex marriage because they fear the sexual promiscuity perceived in LGBTQs will somehow shake the foundation of their own marriages.

“Many people who oppose same-sex marriage are uncomfortable with casual sex and feel threatened by sexual promiscuity,” said David Pinsof, a UCLA graduate student of psychology and lead author of the study.
Which is bizarro on multiple levels.
Gay sex has nothing to do with you. If it was a song it would be called “Gay Sex,” not “Gay Sex (The Straight Sex Remix)”.
Pinsof added: “Sexual promiscuity may be threatening to these people because it provides more temptations for spouses to cheat on one another.”

If the ever-present thought of gay sex is hindering your relationship, you have way bigger problems than the institution of marriage being undermined.

But there is nothing promiscuous about getting married.

“Opposition to same-sex marriage may be strategic by people who are seeking to protect their marriages and the marriages in their communities, and are fearful that changing the definition of marriage is threatening to their way of life,” Pinsof said. “Because they view gay people as promiscuous, they view the idea of same-sex marriage as undermining the institution of marriage.”

The participants who opposed same-sex marriage had a hard time disassociating “gay” and “promiscuous.”

Are all gay married couples monogamous? No. Are some? Yes. But there is nothing promiscuous about getting married (unless you’re one of the straight couples on Married at First Sight, the reality show that weds complete strangers).
And then there’s another painfully real reason some conservatives are still afraid of their precious institutions being challenged — maintaining power.
“For people who are comfortable with women being more economically independent, marrying at a later age and having more sexual partners, sexual promiscuity is not as much of a threat because women do not depend on men for financial support.”
We get it. Rules feel good when you’re the one setting them. But how about you just focus on you. We won’t interfere — promise.

January 8, 2016

More Straight Men Admitting to Having Gay Sex


According to the latest national survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more Americans are identifying as bisexual than ever before.
Not only that, but more heterosexual men are admitting to having had gay sex.
Researchers interviewed more than 9,000 men and women ages 18 to 44 years between 2011 and 2013. Respondents were asked about the types of sexual experiences they’ve had, whether they’re attracted to the same or opposite sex, and how they label their sexual orientations.
Here’s what they learned: 1.9 percent of men said they were homosexual, which is on par with the CDC’s last survey conducted between 2006-2010. Meanwhile, 2 percent of men said they identified as bisexual, up from 1.2 percent in the last survey.
And this is where it gets interesting. Because 6.2 percent of men said they had engaged in either oral or anal sex with another man.
A bit of basic math: If 1.9 percent of men said they were gay and 2 percent said they were bisexual — but 6.2 percent said they had engaged in same-sex sexual activity — that means 2.3 percent of men engaging in same-sex sexual activity are straight. Or at least straight-identifying.

US Government Survey:

Objective—This report provides national estimates of sexual behavior, sexual attraction, and sexual orientation among women and men aged 18–44 in the United States, based on the 2011–2013 National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG).
Methods—Data for the 2011–2013 NSFG were collected through in-person interviews with 10,416 women and men aged 15–44 in the household population in the United States. In this report, data are shown only for 9,175 adults aged 18–44. The data presented in this report were primarily collected using audio computer-assisted self-interviewing, in which the respondent enters his or her answers into the computer without telling them to an interviewer. The overall response rate for the 2011–2013 NSFG was 72.8%.
Results—Regarding opposite-sex sexual behavior, 94.2% of women and 92.0% of men aged 18–44 had ever had vaginal intercourse; 86.2% of women and 87.4%
of men had ever had oral sex; and 35.9% of women and 42.3% of men had ever had anal sex. Almost three times as many women (17.4%) reported any same-sex contact in their lifetime compared with men (6.2%) aged 18–44. Feelings of attraction “only to the opposite sex” were more common for men (92.1%) compared with women (81.0%) aged 18–44. Among those aged 18–44, 92.3% of women and 95.1% of men said they were “heterosexual or straight”; 1.3% of women and 1.9% of men said
they were “homosexual, gay, or lesbian”; 5.5% of women and 2.0% of men said they were bisexual; and 0.9% of women and 1.0% of men said “don’t know” or “refused” (i.e., “did not report”) on sexual orientation. Sexual attraction and sexual orientation correlate closely but not completely with reports of sexual behavior. Sexual behavior, sexual attraction, and sexual orientation vary by age, marital or cohabiting status, education, and race and Hispanic origin.


*This report is based on the 2011–2013 NSFG. NSFG is a nationally representative survey of the U.S. household population, with face-to-face interviews conducted with women
and men aged 15–44. NSFG is jointly planned and funded by CDC’s National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS)
and several other programs of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

January 6, 2016

Questions Straight Men Have for Gay Men

First let me say that I am surprised that I am posting this video. However it does fall within the guidelines for publication of adamfoxie*blog: Fresh, Current, Provocative 
I didn't understand the conversation about the butt hole. Can someone please, write in words what they said? (the captions on the video didn't help)
+musicislife They were talking about a "prolapsed anus" but thought the term was "anal fissure". Have fun googling both of those terms!

December 29, 2015

New Barbie ad shows that boys can enjoy dolls too


Barbie’s new ad is stirring up controversy—for its portrayal of a boy playing with the doll. 

The commercial is for the new Moschino Barbie, part of a limited-edition collaboration between the Italian luxury fashion house and Mattel. It stars three children (two girls and a boy), and some of the adjectives used to describe Barbie aren’t the most typical, either: the boy declares, “Moschino Barbie is so fierce!” as he hangs a purse over her arm. 

The inclusion of a Barbie fan who happens to be a young boy in a Moschino production is fitting, given that the Italian brand’s own creative director, Jeremy Scott, cited Barbie as the muse that sparked his career. He said in an interview with People StyleWatch, “The thing I love about Barbie is that she is the ultimate muse and inspired me to become a designer. Moschino style is all about humor coupled with high fashion and Barbie allows us to play out these looks in whole new way.” 

In turn, the boy in the commercial appears to have been inspired by Scott himself—the child actor has a definite resemblance to the designer, with even his bleached-blond tresses evoking Scott’s own hairstyle. 

Mattel’s decision to show that boys can enjoy dolls too is part of a growing trend in retail. Stores such as Target have begun to remove gender designations from sections like toys, bedding, entertainment, and housewares, a move that many are applauding. 

A professor of psychology at the University of Kentucky, Dr. Christia Brown, told Yahoo Parenting, “It really corresponds with what a lot of research shows is good for kids. Research overwhelmingly shows that when we segregate toys and label them explicitly for boys or girls, kids only gravitate to the toys labeled for their group. Even if it’s the same toy, if you label it ‘girls’ or make it pink, only girls want it. If you take the same toys and label it for boys, boys want it. So it’s not the toy itself; it’s the labeling that drives attention.” 

Brown, who is also the author of Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue, added that the inclusion of boys in ads for dolls can have long-term positive effects: “For boys, if they are encouraged away from dolls, they don’t get the chance to learn nurturing and care-taking, all the things we want them to do as parents. And then we are surprised when men grow up and aren’t comfortable changing diapers, when we clearly have steered them away from it all their lives.”

July 29, 2015

If a Straight Girl can lip-kiss a girl, Can a straight guy do the same to a Guy?

A straight white girl can kiss a girl, like it, and still call herself straight—her boyfriend may even encourage her. But can straight white guys experience the same easy sexual fluidity, or would kissing a guy just mean that they are really gay? Not Gay thrusts deep into a world where straight guy-on-guy action is not a myth but a reality: there’s fraternity and military hazing rituals, where new recruits are made to grab each other’s penises and stick fingers up their fellow members’ anuses; online personal ads, where straight men seek other straight men to masturbate with; and, last but not least, the long and clandestine history of straight men frequenting public restrooms for sexual encounters with other men. For Jane Ward, these sexual practices reveal a unique social space where straight white men can—and do—have sex with other straight white men; in fact, she argues, to do so reaffirms rather than challenges their gender and racial identity. Ward illustrates that sex between straight white men allows them to leverage whiteness and masculinity to authenticate their heterosexuality in the context of sex with men. By understanding their same-sex sexual practice as meaningless, accidental, or even necessary, straight white men can perform homosexual contact in heterosexual ways. These sex acts are not slippages into a queer way of being or expressions of a desired but unarticulated gay identity. Instead, Ward argues, they reveal the fluidity and complexity that characterizes all human sexual desire.
I've argued for years that straight guys are entitled to the same latitude—or entitled to the same fluidity—as other self-identified monosexuals. A straight girl can mess around with another girl without the whole world insisting she couldn't have done that if she weren't really a lesbian; a lesbian can mess around with a dude now and then and still identify as a dyke; and a gay guy can fuck one or two women over the course of his gay life without having to turn in his gay card. But if a straight guy sucks one cock and gets caught—just that one cock, just that one time—no one will take him seriously when he says he's straight.
Like the joke goes...

Male heterosexuality, in this way, is a lot more fragile than female heterosexuality or male/female homosexuality. But with that said... a lot of the white guys (and a lot of the not-white guys) out there cruising public restrooms, fingering each other's anuses in frat house basements, and seeking other guys to jack off with (for starters) in the M4M sections of Craigslist are closeted gay or possibly/probably closeted bi men. I kept waiting for the word "bisexual" to pop up in the press release for Not Gay but I didn't see it in there. The men Jane Ward studied might not be gay—gayness could be ruled out in some cases—but straight-identified, married-to-women guys who have sex with other men are likelier to be bisexual, closeted or not, than they are to be straight, fluidity or otherwise.
Coming from NYU Press
I’m going to get the book and read it with an open mind, of course, but the summary pushed out by NYU Press doesn’t inspire confidence.

March 3, 2015

20 Million Wives in China are ‘Tonqi’ to a Gay Man

After her marriage was over, just looking at a wedding photo would make Qiu Xuan feel awful. The 29-year-old, a video editor at a communications company in Guangzhou, could tell by the picture that she wasn’t half of a happy couple that day, even though she was the one wearing a white veil.


The term “beard” to describe a woman who is used, knowingly or unknowingly, to disguise her partner’s homosexuality has been used as slang in the United States for many decades.

But acknowledgement that such marriages even happen is a recent phenomena in China. In China, a “beard” is known straightforwardly as a  同妻(Tongqi), or ““homowife”—the abbreviation of “the wife of a homosexual” in Chinese.

There are millions of gay men married to women in China, academics believe. According to an estimate by Zhang Beichuan, one of the first Chinese scholars to study sexuality, China has 20 million male homosexuals of marriageable age—and 80% of them will marry a woman. In contrast, according to a 2010 Economist report, 15 to 20% of gay men in America have married heterosexual women.

The women in these marriages are quietly becoming an unlikely force in China’s nascent gay-rights movement. If men are free to openly have relationships with other men, sham marriages like theirs will no longer happen, they say. Being “homosexual is not wrong,” said Qiu in an interview. “What’s wrong is to marry a heterosexual to make a tragedy.”

Why China has millions of “homowives”

Liu Jie, a 25-year-old homosexual interior decorator from Shantou, Guangdong Province, has thought of entering into a gay-straight marriage, because, like many Chinese of marrying age, he’s under a lot of pressure from his parents. “They said they would have nothing to worry about in their lives once I got married. How can I come out of the closet to them?” Liu said to Quartz.

“Among three ways of being an unfilial son, the most serious is to have no heir,” argued Mencius, an ancient Confucian philosopher. The idea is still ingrained in modern China; men are under social pressure to marry and produce a male heir to carry on the family line. Though new generations are more open-minded, many still believe that to marry and have children are the two most important things in life, whether they are gay or straight.

For women who unknowingly marry gay men, a divorce can be difficult to obtain, and can leave them much worse off financially. Qiu, the video editor, got a divorce and custody of her 9-month-old daughter after court mediation. Her husband agreed to pay alimony of 700 yuan, or $114, per month, which, according to Qiu, accounts for less than 20% of his monthly income. Qiu only agreed to the terms, she said, because her husband’s family refused to let her see her daughter otherwise.

Qiu said the court had rejected her appeal for further compensation, because she could not prove her husband had an extramarital affair. “He has never admitted he is gay, although everyone knows about that,” Qiu said.

“A person who has a spouse but cohabits with another person” is one of the circumstances listed in China’s marriage law that allows a husband or wife to file for divorce, and demand compensation from the other party, but in its judicial interpretation, the “another person” only refers to “the opposite sex.”

“If a man and a woman get a room [in the hotel], we can say it’s an extramarital affair; but if it is two men, we can say nothing,” said Liu, 35, a judge from Shenzhen who agreed to speak on the matter if he was identified only by his surname.

Growing awareness, and activism

Some women in China unknowingly married to a gay man are openly choosing to maintain a nominal marriage to give their children a stable family. Jiang Xinyi, a 24-year-old software engineer from Shanghai, who has been counseling women married to gay men since 2009, said this was a common alternative to divorce and separation. “They draw three ground rules for their husbands: Have sex [with their wives], take care of the family, and look after the child.”

Other arrangements are springing up as well—like the “cooperative marriage” or “xinghun,” in which a lesbian woman and gay man agree to marry to appease their parents.

Jiang first learned there were other women in similar marriages fromChina’s first homowives meeting in 2009. Then a university student, she found the women who had attended the meeting online and joined their chat group on QQ, a popular Chinese instant messaging software.

After watching other women share their ordeals and comfort each other in the chat group, Jiang volunteered to establish and operate new groups for newcomers.

Now Jiang runs three QQ chat groups, which have over 200 members in total, and a social media account on Weibo, China’s Twitter-like microblog site. She also helps these women get legal advice and speak out to the public. She named the volunteer organization Hibiscus Flower, which she said stands for tenacity and vitality.

“Homowives” and their supporters are getting more vocal about their own situations, and the need for China to become more accepting of homosexuality. Zhang Ziwei, a 27-year-old corporate secretary from Nanchang, southeast China’s Jiangxi Province, who dated a gay man three years ago, now manages a QQ chat group on the topic with more than one hundred members. She is translating two books—My Husband Is Gay and When Your Spouse Comes Out, written by Carol Grever, an American woman who married a gay man—into Chinese. After she finishes, she plans to send them to other women in her situation, because there are no such books in China.

One woman who was formerly married to a gay man, who calls herself “Little Delan,” dressed in a bridal gown to seek marriage at the Qixi Festival, China’s Valentines’ Day, in August, 2014 on the the streets of Quanzhou, the largest city in southeastern Fujian Province. She told Chinese media that, besides finding the right man, she wanted to raise awareness about homowives, and the need for China to offer homosexuals equal rights and legalize gay marriage.

A 51-year-old retired worker from Zhengzhou, central China’s Henan Province, who only wants to be identified by her online nickname, Aunt Moon, has been volunteering at Hibiscus Flower since she helped her niece get out of a gay-straight marriage four years ago.

“I don’t have a high literacy level, but I am gentle, and willing to talk,” said Aunt Moon, who has had volunteer experience at the Red Cross Society of China.

Among the thousands who attended Hong Kong’s annual gay rights parade in November, Aunt Moon and the three women she was with became a peculiar scene with their different identities and pursuits from the gay marchers. During the march, they held up placards that read: “My husband is gay. I am in pain.”

Aunt Moon said she thought it may have been the first time that women married to gay men in China took part in a gay rights demonstration. She said the parade was a chance for them to increase people’s awareness about their fate. She wishes the gay rights movements to succeed as well: “the more prosperous the better,” she said. Little Delan also appeared at the Hong Kong parade, again in a bridal gown.

Yet a tune of discord hung over the event. A group of gay participants from Hong Kong drew people’s attention by holding a red flag, like the ones that police use during protests to tell demonstrators to halt, that read: “Stop discriminating or we will marry a woman and hehe [be gay] in the dark.”

“The threatening slogan helps nothing. It will only harm their image,” Aunt Moon said. “If they want to achieve marital rights, they must face up to homowives.”

Three women married to gay men attended the last annual PFLAG China meeting, the gay support group’s co-founder told Quartz. Their involvement isn’t without controversy. “Ideally we should stand in the same trench to fight against biases from the society,” co-founder Aqiang said. But being a “homowife is only a transitional identity—after they find a heterosexual man and get married, they are no longer homowives.” Aqiang said, “I don’t expect them to do much.”

“What they want is to solve their own problems,” he added. “They are often emotional, critical and angry. We can’t hear the husbands’ voices in their cases.”

The future of gay marriage in China

Same-sex marriage is now legally recognized in 16 countries, and 33 states in America. China is not on the list. Li Yinhe, a sociologist and sexologist who has been trying to legalize homosexual marriage since 2000, has failed each time. Li, who has been in a relationship with a transgender man for many years, said she has been unable to get the 30 cosponsors necessary for the idea to be discussed at the Chinese People’s Political Consultative Conference, which advises the government on issues that should become law.

The government, Li said, thinks it is an idea that is ahead of its time.

“Homosexual marriage had been brought up when the marriage law was revised in the 1980s,” Yang Lixin, a law professor at Renmin University of China, told Quartz, “but the society was deemed not prepared.” Yang said next time the marriage law is revised, homosexual marriage might be legalized, but when that will occur, “only the heads of the legislature know.”

Until then, expect millions more unhappy couples to tie the knot.


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