If You Believe In Improving Mentally You Could,Don't Lie!
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| You can get there but you need to honestly set your sites towards that great place in your mind you would like to reach and keep..New York city at a distance, traveling on a fast ferry is just an example. Your reality is what you need to set your compass to but make sure the compass and the heading are correct.It is not space science, just being honest with yourselve and others.Did You ever had to walk back something that you said? Im sure you told yourself they will forget all is ok, you said sorry or maybe not. But they don't forget and one day when you push the envelope and need their trust they might even tell you about the lie 2 yrs back. |
If you tend to think things are out of your control, and want to shift toward having an internal locus of control, Dattilo says anything that helps you develop greater well-being “self-efficacy” will help develop a stronger internal locus of control. The following are some ways to get started.
Aspire but within reason
A caveat to believing you can do something is making sure your beliefs are realistic. In her book, Carmichael discusses a technique called thought-replacement, which involves replacing a maladaptive thought like “I’ll never amount to anything” with a sentiment like “I’m a competent person and I can do a lot of great things.”
However, she stresses that it’s important not to replace the thought with something like, “I’m invincible. I can do anything I put my mind to.”
“The truth is I cannot do anything I put my mind to. For many people, when they get into the affirmations space, they go into a place of being unrealistic,” says Carmichael.
For instance, she says if a person is struggling with finances, a healthy aspiration might be: “I may be broke right now, but I’m working hard and I’m saving, and being broke won’t last forever.”
On the other hand, an unrealistic thought-replacement would be: “I’m brimming with prosperity and I’m full of wealth,” because that’s simply not true, explains Carmichael.
“Studies have shown that if people use aspirational affirmations which their brains know aren’t true, that can sometimes be more damaging,” she says.
Set small and achievable goals
To help boost your “change confidence,” which Dattilo defines as the belief in your ability to make desired changes in your life, she suggests setting “micro-goals,” which are easily attainable rather than “stretch goals,” which require a lot of effort.
Examples of micro-goals might include making your bed every day or drinking eight glasses of water a day.
“Both are specific and achievable. Be mindful of your efforts and realize that you are in charge of the goals you set and your motivation to achieve them. Try to anticipate and minimize any external or practical barriers, which can sometimes sound like excuses,” she says:
Studies have shown that if people use aspirational affirmations which their brains know aren’t true,
that can sometimes be more damaging.
— CHLOE CARMICHAEL, PHD
Choosing goals that are rewarding can also help make your mental health and well-being a priority.
“The more rewarding, the more likely we are to continue the behavior,” Dattilo says.
Be honest with yourself
Carmichael suggests writing a two-column list that forces you to be honest with yourself.
On one column, write things in your life that you believe are not in your control. This could include statements like: “My bad moods just happen and there’s nothing I can do about them.”
Then, in the other column, write a sentiment to challenge that belief, such as: “I have a fair amount of control over my moods.”
Include things you can do that can control your mood and mental health, such as committing to weekly therapy appointments, arranging to go to brunch with friends once a week, or setting your alarm to a positive song.
“When people start exercising a little bit of that power, in a positive way they get addicted to it and start realizing that they do have a sense of control,” says Carmichael, adding that the list is great to refer to when you feel helpless.
Show yourself some compassion
Combining both honesty and compassion is needed to make positive change, says Carmichael.
An example would be realizing that you’re not eating well because you’re not managing your time well. Then showing yourself compassion by understanding the underlying reason for not eating well is that you are hurt and turn to food as a coping mechanism.
“Telling yourself, ‘I need support and I’m going to book myself some massages or some therapy appointments,’ or whatever would be a healthier way to cope. So that balance between honesty and compassion is the way that people grow. They really need both,” says Carmichael.
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