HIV and Your Love Life
Though HIV certainly affects your life, dating and even sex aren't off-limits. Learn how and when to talk to a love interest about your HIV, and how to practice safe sex.
Medically reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH
First dates tend to be nerve-wracking: Will my date find me interesting? Will there be awkward pauses in the conversation? But if you have HIV, you’ll have more serious concerns — excitement about meeting someone new along with the stress of revealing your HIV statusand wondering about your date's reaction.
Living with HIV and dating are not mutually exclusive, but no matter how uncomfortable, talking to your partner about your HIV status is a must. There are also important precautions you need to take for your health and the health of your new love interest.
Dating With HIV Calls for Honest Conversation
Addressing HIV and HIV risk is difficult, primarily because of the stigma associated with HIV, says Ernesto J. Lamadrid, MD, director of HIV/AIDS Services, Alachua County Health Department in Florida, and adjunct clinical assistant professor at the University of Florida College of Nursing in Gainesville.
When you meet someone you really like, it's understandable that you might want to avoid talking about HIV out of fear of rejection. But it's essential to be honest to reduce the risk of passing HIV on to your partner, says Dr. Lamadrid, and to avoid getting emotionally involved with someone only to have your HIV status compromise a budding relationship.
Telling a prospective partner early on makes sense, though you may want to consider waiting for a few dates to see if the relationship looks promising. However, you must share your HIV status before the relationship becomes physical.
Sharing the Facts About HIV Risk
As part of any HIV conversation, educate your partner about the disease and how HIV can be transmitted, Lamadrid says. You have the opportunity to correct any misconceptions by explaining that HIV can only be transmitted through exposure to the blood of an infected person and through sexual contact, not through hugging, kissing, or sharing a drink or food from the same cup or utensil.
While you’re having this discussion, ask your partner about his or her HIV status and about any other sexually transmitted diseases. This is something that everyone — whether you’re living with HIV or not — should be concerned about. Don't avoid asking these questions because you're nervous about how they will be received, says Lamadrid. Having this conversation will help you to stay healthy.
HIV testing is another important topic. Everyone should get tested for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases when they enter into a new relationship, says Lamadrid, or at least once a year, depending on their level of sexual activity. He also suggests that people get retested six months after their first HIV test. So have a frank conversation with your partner and suggest that you both get tested for sexually transmitted diseases and HIV before taking your relationship to the next level.
Living With HIV Means Practicing Safe Sex
Even if you and your partner are both HIV positive, it's still crucial to use latex condoms every time you have sex to help reduce the risk of spreading the disease. Having unprotected sex with another HIV-positive person exposes you to additional HIV risk. "There's always a possibility of transmitting a virus that is mutated — that is resistant to medications," says Lamadrid. You could become infected with the mutated strain of the virus, causing your HIV to progress due to medication resistance.
In addition, practice safe sex to avoid contracting another sexually transmitted infection or disease, as HIV has already weakened your immune system — that makes a normally simple infection more difficult to treat and can cause complications.
How Your Doctor Can Help
If you're nervous about discussing HIV, safe sex practices, and HIV transmission with your new partner, don't be afraid to enlist your doctor's help. Your doctor can talk to you about ways to be intimate while minimizing the health risks to each of you. Your doctor can also answer questions about your health and your partner's risk of contracting HIV, as well as any other questions you or your partner may have.
Keep in mind that while it's difficult to ignore the stigma associated with HIV, getting tested and being open with a partner about your HIV status is the way to preserve your health and take charge of your life.
This section created and produced exclusively by the editorial staff of EverydayHealth.com. © 2011 EverydayHealth.com; all rights reserved.
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