UMass.Derrick Gordon Feeling at Peace After Coming Out
Miserable, isolated, frustrated, and confused, Derrick Gordon boldly changed the frame around his life in April when he chose to come out to family, friends, and his basketball teammates here at the University of Massachusetts. He figured he wasn’t the Derrick Gordon they all knew.
But he figured incorrectly, and it’s that miscalculation that now brings Gordon, the only self-identified gay man in Division 1 NCAA basketball, a broad smile, an easy laugh, and a boundless sense of relief.
“Come to find out, when I came out, all of them knew I was gay,’’ Gordon recalled last week, his words and manner conveying a delightful, near-comical sense of disbelief. “I was like, ‘Why didn’t y’all say anything? Y’all at least could have been asking, are you all right?
“I mean, give me something, throw me a bone. But they didn’t do nothing and then, like, everybody knew!’’
The fact that Gordon came out is somewhat of a dated story, especially in a media world in which news cycles turn over faster than broken plays at midcourt. All the world learned he was gay — including those who had it figured anyway — back when the national media attention for such revelations was focused more on Jason Collins and Michael Sam, higher-profile gay athletes whom Gordon, by the way, today counts as close friends.
But now with the college basketball season starting, and the Minutemen angling for a return to the NCAA Tournament with the talented 6-foot-3-inch Gordon essential to their success, his story is squarely back at center court. In recent weeks, he has been a frequent subject of national media attention, with the 22-year-old redshirt junior guard retracing his story line time and again, opening up a very intimate part of his life for public perusal, a part that only a short time ago he dared not tell even closest friends.
Now out, he has gone from an angst-ridden life of self-isolation, afraid to discuss his sexuality, to living as an open book, with people curious to know about his life, his game, and perhaps most of all, how he feels to be “Gay Derrick Gordon, The Division 1 Basketball Player.”
Turns out, he feels fine. In fact, he is as gay as can be, in the sense that he is extremely happy. He is happy not to be hiding anything. Happy not to be lying. Happy that his game, like his life, feels “freer,’’ to the point he sometimes feels he can “fly’’ on the court.
He also is happy to be, he believes, on track to be drafted by an NBA team. Happy to be in a committed relationship with another man, a 50-year-old banker in Beverly Hills whom he met at a club in August, and firmly of the belief the two eventually will “do the whole nine’’ and live together as a couple.
“I was definitely in a hole, I would say, before I came out,’’ Gordon said. “I was struggling as far as what I wanted to do. And I was going to quit basketball. It was either I was going to quit or I was going to come out — one or the other. Something needed to happen.
“So after I came out, I mean, it was weight lifted off my shoulders, how happy I am, just smiling every day, just living life very happy.
“I mean, I wish I would have did it a couple of years ago. But everybody has a timetable as to when they are going to come out, and mine just happened to be April 9 and I don’t regret anything about it.’’
The team gets the news
Derek Kellogg, coach of the Minutemen, says he wouldn’t have allowed Gordon to quit, not without first having a long, heartfelt discussion. None of that was necessary, however, when Gordon first told his parents after last season’s NCAA Tournament, then rang Kellogg from New Jersey to inform him.
“I wasn’t really surprised,’’ recalled Kellogg, who employs Gordon primarily in a shooting guard role. “He was stuttering on the phone a little bit, he was nervous, and I said, ‘DG, come on, just tell me.’
“I was kind of anticipating it. Then he just came out and said it, and I said, ‘That’s great. I am glad you are able to trust me enough, and the team and family enough, that you came out and told us.’ ’’
Three days later, Gordon was back at UMass, and Kellogg opened a team meeting by telling his charges — exaggerated smile in place — that their coach was gay. He then quickly told them that Gordon wanted to talk to them.
“Then they were like, ‘OK, got it, DG is gay,’ ’’ said Kellogg. “It was lighthearted and fun. It’s also an education piece for us, you know, why a young person has to come out and explain his sexuality. And when he explained it, we understood, that he felt kind of entrapped.
“I was very happy with the maturity of the players on my team, because not everybody is as accommodating and endearing. Sometimes players aren’t as loving to teammates. So it was good to see them so great with a teammate.’’
Tyler Bergantino, the club’s 6-foot-9-inch center, confirmed that Gordon’s news wasn’t a shock to the players, but for some it added context.
“It was kind of like, ‘OK, now it makes sense why he’s not hanging out with us and stuff,’ ’’ said Bergantino.
Being gay, noted Gordon, typically left him with nothing to say when teammates discussed their dates with girlfriends or made plans to party. Typically, when they went their way after games or practices, he went his, which was often back to his dorm room to study (he is a sociology major) or to play video games.
“I couldn’t have no input on it, I couldn’t say nothing, I just had to sit,’’ said Gordon. “I used to lie about girls and stuff. Then it was just like, ‘Why am I lying? Why am I lying?’ First of all, I am older than most of my teammates. So it just felt weird.’’
Once out, said Gordon, he was surprised by the outpouring of support. To this day, he said, he has yet to suffer so much as an ugly word.
“Everyone just embraced me — my teammates, my coaches, the school — everyone just supported me when I came out,’’ he said. “I wasn’t expecting that, as far as the number of people who came out and supported me.
“People from overseas, different countries, reached out to me by Twitter, sometimes Facebook — Germany, Italy, France, and China — and it was just like, wow, I wasn’t expecting it to blow up that big.
“But it just goes to show you are always going to get support, because there will always be someone in the same situation.’’
Family matters
Gordon has a twin brother, Darryl, who hasn’t seen him play in years. Darryl Gordon, convicted five years ago of attempted murder, was released from jail and will be able to watch his brother play for the first time since their high school days.
Darryl, Derrick is delighted to say, figures to make a few trips to see him play this season at the Mullins Center, along with their parents, Sandra and Michael, and older brother Michael Jr., who is a high school basketball coach in Piscataway, N.J.
Darryl, said Derrick, “just got into the wrong crowd, started hanging with the wrong people and he just got sucked in too deep and there wasn’t a chance of him coming out.
“I am not going to say he was pressured into doing things, but didn’t have nothing else to do. I wasn’t there for him to say, ‘Oh, yeah, you’re not doing that.’ I wasn’t face to face with him.’’
Darryl attended Plainfield (N.J.) High School while Derrick, recruited for his basketball talents, attended St. Patrick’s High in nearby Elizabeth.
“He got arrested twice,’’ noted Derrick. “The first time he was arrested for drug possession. And the second time he got arrested for attempted murder, which was self-defense, basically, because the guy pulled a knife out on him, and my brother pulled out a gun and shot him.’’
When the time came to tell his family he was gay, said Derrick, it was Darryl who initially had the hardest time accepting it. For Derrick, it remains perhaps the biggest surprise of the entire experience.
“He was like, ‘Get counseling,’ ’’ recalled Derrick. “I said, ‘Counseling? What, because I am gay? What are you talking about, counseling? I am gay. This is who I am. I didn’t wake up and say, ‘Wow, I want to be gay.’
“You are always gay and it is just a matter of time till you find out. It just happened to happen to me at 22 years old, I just happened to come to grips with it.’’
‘I’ll just smile’
The great unknown remaining for Gordon is how his story will play out in arenas away from UMass. When the Minutemen take the court in, say, Baton Rouge to play LSU on Dec. 2, will his reception be one of open arms, indifference, or otherwise? Or at the Dec. 23 game in Provo, Utah, how might the BYU crowd receive the only “out” Division 1 player in the country?
Gordon has considered the possibilities, readied himself for them.
If there are slurs directed his way, he said, “It doesn’t mean much to me. I am very happy that I am gay. I couldn’t be any happier, and [being gay] is the best thing for me, as far as me living happy and free and doing what I want.
“You want to call me [slurs], I’ll do one thing — I’ll just smile.’’
Miserable. Isolated. Frustrated. Confused. That’s the old Derrick Gordon, a young man who found the courage to tell everyone what they already knew and came away with a smile.
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