Jallen Came Out Last Year Now A Proud Athlete at His Small College
Messersmith thrived at Benedictine in his freshman year, but was still not out to anyone. A tragedy jolted him into action. "My freshman year, one of my teammates passed away in a car accident [in December 2011]," he said. "When that happened, I looked at myself and asked 'What am I? What am I doing?' At that point, I had accepted that I was gay. Seeing him die young and in such a sudden manner, I didn't want something that was such a big part of what I am to be hidden. I wanted it to be something I was out about, I was proud of being and that people accepted me more. I did not want that to be hidden for the rest of my life."
At the end of the spring semester 2012, he told his parents he was gay, and they were unconditionally supportive. He then decided to tell his team, but had major anxiety over the decision and saw a counselor to help. "During the summer I was petrified to tell my teammates," he said. "I was scared to come back and I honestly didn't know what they were going to say. I was just scared and I didn't know what to do."
Messersmith decided to first tell his coach, Ryan Moody, at the start of fall semester 2012. "It was hard," he recalls of the conversation with his coach. Moody, however, took it in stride and offered unconditional support. The next day, Messersmith met with Moody and his two assistants.
"They were there 100% for me," Messersmith said. "They said it would not make any difference in the way the team was run. And they wanted to make sure it wouldn't change my experience at the school. That was awesome. After that, I felt like I could do anything."
Up next was to start telling his teammates, and Messersmith did not want a big coming out scene in the locker room. "I didn't want to draw a ton of attention," he said. "I was going to be gay and have this side of basketball. I wanted it to be that I was still a basketball player who just happened to be gay."
His mother acted as a coming-out facilitator. During moving-in day to the dorms last fall, Messersmith's mom told Brett Fisher's mom about Jallen's sexual orientation. Brett Fisher's mom told her son, with Jallen's blessing.
"I actually was surprised to hear that," Fisher said after his mom told him, "but I brushed it off. We were going to be friends forever. I accept him for the person he is. It's still a normal friendship for us."
Fisher said the news was passed around from teammate to teammate over time. "Everybody was cool with it and nobody said anything bad about it," he said. "They know what's up and he is treated similar to the way we treat every other teammate."
Despite the reactions from his coaches and Fisher, Messersmith admits he had major anxiety about the whole team hearing he was gay. This stemmed from a discussion in the locker room in his freshman year.
"A year before there was a locker room conversation and one of the guys on the team was having a kid. We discussed if we had a kid and they were gay, what would happen. Things were said like 'I would try and change them' or 'That's not OK.' It kind of freaked me out a little bit. I was not sure how they would respond to that kind of thing."
Their response was, in a good way, almost no response. He was not treated any differently, and in fact, one of his teammates who had expressed reservations about gays said he changed his mind after hearing about Messersmith.
Bringing Dates To Games
No longer the shy pre-teen, Messersmith would bring boyfriends to games this past season. "I would hug them and then I would get grilled by my teammates after," he said. "We would have locker room conversations and they would talk to me about guys just like they would talk about girls to each other." Teammates gave him additional ribbing once when he was prepping for a post-game date by taking extra time in the locker room making sure he looked good. He jokingly suggests his teammates might be a little jealous, saying, "I've definitely gone on more dates than most of the guys combined."
This past season was a good one for Messersmith and Benedictine basketball. The Ravens went 18-12 before losing in the quarterfinals of the Heart of America Athletic Conference tournament. Despite playing in about just half of his team's minutes, Messersmith led the Ravens in blocked shots (53), more than the next three players combined. His blocks ranked him first in the conference and fourth nationally in Division I of the National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics. The NAIA is a collection of small colleges, but has sent players like Scottie Pippen and Dennis Rodman to the NBA.
Off the court, Messersmith, an accounting major, loves playing the piano, drawing and reading, and next school year is the Junior Class Treasurer. Despite the total acceptance as him an openly gay student-athlete, he is cautious about advising others deciding whether to come out.
"You've just got to be comfortable with yourself," he said. "I wasn't very comfortable with myself for a long time and then when I was, if you put off the confidence and you are 100% comfortable when you tell someone, they will support you. They can't, as much as they can try, drag you down. It's all about you. It's what you think. If you are comfortable with yourself, you can do anything."
As he reflects on his life entering his junior year, the days of being bullied and crying in his room seem like ages ago. Jallen Messersmith is thriving at Benedictine and he wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
"I'm definitely happy and content where I am right now. It's awesome that I have the team support I do. It's awesome that no one has said anything [negative] and I haven't had anything change. I just feel really comfortable and it's really nice."
Jallen Messersmith can be reached via email atjam2954@gmail.com, on Facebook or followed on Twitter @JMessersmith40.
At the end of the spring semester 2012, he told his parents he was gay, and they were unconditionally supportive. He then decided to tell his team, but had major anxiety over the decision and saw a counselor to help. "During the summer I was petrified to tell my teammates," he said. "I was scared to come back and I honestly didn't know what they were going to say. I was just scared and I didn't know what to do."
Messersmith decided to first tell his coach, Ryan Moody, at the start of fall semester 2012. "It was hard," he recalls of the conversation with his coach. Moody, however, took it in stride and offered unconditional support. The next day, Messersmith met with Moody and his two assistants.
"They were there 100% for me," Messersmith said. "They said it would not make any difference in the way the team was run. And they wanted to make sure it wouldn't change my experience at the school. That was awesome. After that, I felt like I could do anything."
Up next was to start telling his teammates, and Messersmith did not want a big coming out scene in the locker room. "I didn't want to draw a ton of attention," he said. "I was going to be gay and have this side of basketball. I wanted it to be that I was still a basketball player who just happened to be gay."
His mother acted as a coming-out facilitator. During moving-in day to the dorms last fall, Messersmith's mom told Brett Fisher's mom about Jallen's sexual orientation. Brett Fisher's mom told her son, with Jallen's blessing.
"I actually was surprised to hear that," Fisher said after his mom told him, "but I brushed it off. We were going to be friends forever. I accept him for the person he is. It's still a normal friendship for us."
Fisher said the news was passed around from teammate to teammate over time. "Everybody was cool with it and nobody said anything bad about it," he said. "They know what's up and he is treated similar to the way we treat every other teammate."
Despite the reactions from his coaches and Fisher, Messersmith admits he had major anxiety about the whole team hearing he was gay. This stemmed from a discussion in the locker room in his freshman year.
"A year before there was a locker room conversation and one of the guys on the team was having a kid. We discussed if we had a kid and they were gay, what would happen. Things were said like 'I would try and change them' or 'That's not OK.' It kind of freaked me out a little bit. I was not sure how they would respond to that kind of thing."
Their response was, in a good way, almost no response. He was not treated any differently, and in fact, one of his teammates who had expressed reservations about gays said he changed his mind after hearing about Messersmith.
Bringing Dates To Games
No longer the shy pre-teen, Messersmith would bring boyfriends to games this past season. "I would hug them and then I would get grilled by my teammates after," he said. "We would have locker room conversations and they would talk to me about guys just like they would talk about girls to each other." Teammates gave him additional ribbing once when he was prepping for a post-game date by taking extra time in the locker room making sure he looked good. He jokingly suggests his teammates might be a little jealous, saying, "I've definitely gone on more dates than most of the guys combined."
This past season was a good one for Messersmith and Benedictine basketball. The Ravens went 18-12 before losing in the quarterfinals of the Heart of America Athletic Conference tournament. Despite playing in about just half of his team's minutes, Messersmith led the Ravens in blocked shots (53), more than the next three players combined. His blocks ranked him first in the conference and fourth nationally in Division I of the National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics. The NAIA is a collection of small colleges, but has sent players like Scottie Pippen and Dennis Rodman to the NBA.
Off the court, Messersmith, an accounting major, loves playing the piano, drawing and reading, and next school year is the Junior Class Treasurer. Despite the total acceptance as him an openly gay student-athlete, he is cautious about advising others deciding whether to come out.
"You've just got to be comfortable with yourself," he said. "I wasn't very comfortable with myself for a long time and then when I was, if you put off the confidence and you are 100% comfortable when you tell someone, they will support you. They can't, as much as they can try, drag you down. It's all about you. It's what you think. If you are comfortable with yourself, you can do anything."
As he reflects on his life entering his junior year, the days of being bullied and crying in his room seem like ages ago. Jallen Messersmith is thriving at Benedictine and he wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
"I'm definitely happy and content where I am right now. It's awesome that I have the team support I do. It's awesome that no one has said anything [negative] and I haven't had anything change. I just feel really comfortable and it's really nice."
Jallen Messersmith can be reached via email atjam2954@gmail.com, on Facebook or followed on Twitter @JMessersmith40.
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