{This Kid Took it to the Head} Sometimes A Rock is a Wake Up Call
From the Shoreline Times, a story about a young out runner in Connecticut
Jacob Gardner, 17, a member of the Daniel Hand High School track team who has recently appeared in a video in support of gay teens and talking about the bullying that takes place for gay athletes. Peter Hvizdak/Register January 18, 2011 ph 2441 Connecticut
Sometimes a rock isn’t just a rock; it’s a wake-up call.
That was certainly the case for Jacob Gardner, a Madison teen on the Daniel Hand High School track team. Two years ago, when he was a freshman, he was walking the track with his teammates before a meet when he was hit in the head with a rock the size of a baseball.
It had been thrown at him by one of his teammates, who defended himself by saying it wasn’t a big deal because, after all, Gardner is gay. (The guy used a series of gay slurs to get this point across.)
“It was an awakening,” says Gardner, 17, now a junior. “I had been bullied and teased in middle school, but once I got to the high school, everything had settled down. I even dared to join an athletic team.
“When I joined the cross-country team, I realized I couldn’t have chosen a better team to participate with. I was treated like one of the guys. People weren’t saying nasty things to me in the hallways anymore. I was in a passive state of feeling that things were getting better. And then that happened.”
This story — unlike many of the stories we hear about what can happen to gay teens — has something of a happy ending.
Gardner was instantly surrounded by plenty of support. The boy who had thrown the rock was booed by the entire team when he showed up the next day for practice, and the coach kicked him off the team, Gardner says. The coach and the school administration offered Gardner and his parents their support.
And perhaps the best part? Gardner himself became an activist.
“Life can be difficult for gay athletes,” he says. “In sports, especially for boys, athletes are portrayed as hyper-masculine. The stereotype for gays is effeminate and wimpy.
“For some athletes, coming out to their team is very hard. There are some people who still are not OK with it, and sometimes in sports, the person who is not OK with it might be the person who is running into you.”
Such stereotypes are prevalent in the media. Last spring, basketball star Kobe Bryant was seen on camera screaming a homophobic slur at a referee whose call he disagreed with. And just two weeks after that, the Atlanta Braves’ pitching coach hurled homophobic remarks to fans of the San Francisco Giants.
Those incidents did not go unnoticed by the leagues, by the fans, by the press — and sadly, by teens everywhere, says Gardner.
“When a professional athlete says something homophobic or hurtful, it is empowering those kids who look up to them to say those homophobic or hurtful things, too,” he says.
The two homophobic slurs, coming so close to each other, caused others to react as well. A San Francisco man named Sean Chapin was so moved that he made a video asking the San Francisco Giants to participate in the “It Gets Better” campaign, an online video project begun in September 2010 when there was a rash of suicides by gay teens. Several major league baseball teams, including the Boston Red Sox, participated.
Gardner got involved, too. Back in eighth grade, he had participated in a national forum on bullying through the Anti-Defamation League, and there he had met Pat Griffin, a retired professor from the University of Massachusetts in Amherst, and the director of a sports project, “Changing the Game,” for the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, an organization that works to ensure safe schools for all students.
And now he wanted to do more. With Griffin’s help, he got in touch with other organizations that were helping the cause, including Athlete Ally, which encourages straight athletes to become allies in support of their gay counterparts.
“I learned that there are people who want to help, who recognize that this is an issue,” says Gardner. “And it happens everywhere.
“We live in a culture that allows for both very accepting and very bigoted people to live in close quarters. It’s similar to the Civil Rights movement.”
Gardner participated in a short documentary that was shown on PBS last fall, called “Changing the Game,” put out by “In the Life” media. In it, he talks about the rock incident and his wake-up call.
Griffin appears there, too, detailing her 30 years of work helping to bring respect and safety to all schoolchildren. And there are the sports teams that have signed up to participate in the “It Gets Better” project.
“The people who have seen it have given me lots of positive feedback,” says Gardner. “My teammates have contacted me via Facebook, apologizing to me if they’d ever been insensitive.
“I believe that my team is one of the best teams I ever could have joined. They care about stuff like this. It all helps,” he adds.
Gardner’s mother, Donna Gardner, says she’s very proud of her son. “He’s a great person. He stands up for what he believes in, and he works hard to make sure things change for others.”
But Gardner says society is changing, too, and that may help. “TV portrays society,” he says, “and when there are positive gay role models on television, that makes such a difference.
“Showing gay people in healthy relationships — even if they’re just a minor character, can make people realize they’re not alone.”
He says there are positive role models now for gays, such as actress and talk-show host Ellen DeGeneres, stars of the hit TV show, “Glee,” the out athletes, the out politicians.
“The more that people realize that gays are everywhere, the better things get,” he says. “But we still have a long way to go.”
That was certainly the case for Jacob Gardner, a Madison teen on the Daniel Hand High School track team. Two years ago, when he was a freshman, he was walking the track with his teammates before a meet when he was hit in the head with a rock the size of a baseball.
It had been thrown at him by one of his teammates, who defended himself by saying it wasn’t a big deal because, after all, Gardner is gay. (The guy used a series of gay slurs to get this point across.)
“It was an awakening,” says Gardner, 17, now a junior. “I had been bullied and teased in middle school, but once I got to the high school, everything had settled down. I even dared to join an athletic team.
“When I joined the cross-country team, I realized I couldn’t have chosen a better team to participate with. I was treated like one of the guys. People weren’t saying nasty things to me in the hallways anymore. I was in a passive state of feeling that things were getting better. And then that happened.”
This story — unlike many of the stories we hear about what can happen to gay teens — has something of a happy ending.
Gardner was instantly surrounded by plenty of support. The boy who had thrown the rock was booed by the entire team when he showed up the next day for practice, and the coach kicked him off the team, Gardner says. The coach and the school administration offered Gardner and his parents their support.
And perhaps the best part? Gardner himself became an activist.
“Life can be difficult for gay athletes,” he says. “In sports, especially for boys, athletes are portrayed as hyper-masculine. The stereotype for gays is effeminate and wimpy.
“For some athletes, coming out to their team is very hard. There are some people who still are not OK with it, and sometimes in sports, the person who is not OK with it might be the person who is running into you.”
Such stereotypes are prevalent in the media. Last spring, basketball star Kobe Bryant was seen on camera screaming a homophobic slur at a referee whose call he disagreed with. And just two weeks after that, the Atlanta Braves’ pitching coach hurled homophobic remarks to fans of the San Francisco Giants.
Those incidents did not go unnoticed by the leagues, by the fans, by the press — and sadly, by teens everywhere, says Gardner.
“When a professional athlete says something homophobic or hurtful, it is empowering those kids who look up to them to say those homophobic or hurtful things, too,” he says.
The two homophobic slurs, coming so close to each other, caused others to react as well. A San Francisco man named Sean Chapin was so moved that he made a video asking the San Francisco Giants to participate in the “It Gets Better” campaign, an online video project begun in September 2010 when there was a rash of suicides by gay teens. Several major league baseball teams, including the Boston Red Sox, participated.
Gardner got involved, too. Back in eighth grade, he had participated in a national forum on bullying through the Anti-Defamation League, and there he had met Pat Griffin, a retired professor from the University of Massachusetts in Amherst, and the director of a sports project, “Changing the Game,” for the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, an organization that works to ensure safe schools for all students.
And now he wanted to do more. With Griffin’s help, he got in touch with other organizations that were helping the cause, including Athlete Ally, which encourages straight athletes to become allies in support of their gay counterparts.
“I learned that there are people who want to help, who recognize that this is an issue,” says Gardner. “And it happens everywhere.
“We live in a culture that allows for both very accepting and very bigoted people to live in close quarters. It’s similar to the Civil Rights movement.”
Gardner participated in a short documentary that was shown on PBS last fall, called “Changing the Game,” put out by “In the Life” media. In it, he talks about the rock incident and his wake-up call.
Griffin appears there, too, detailing her 30 years of work helping to bring respect and safety to all schoolchildren. And there are the sports teams that have signed up to participate in the “It Gets Better” project.
“The people who have seen it have given me lots of positive feedback,” says Gardner. “My teammates have contacted me via Facebook, apologizing to me if they’d ever been insensitive.
“I believe that my team is one of the best teams I ever could have joined. They care about stuff like this. It all helps,” he adds.
Gardner’s mother, Donna Gardner, says she’s very proud of her son. “He’s a great person. He stands up for what he believes in, and he works hard to make sure things change for others.”
But Gardner says society is changing, too, and that may help. “TV portrays society,” he says, “and when there are positive gay role models on television, that makes such a difference.
“Showing gay people in healthy relationships — even if they’re just a minor character, can make people realize they’re not alone.”
He says there are positive role models now for gays, such as actress and talk-show host Ellen DeGeneres, stars of the hit TV show, “Glee,” the out athletes, the out politicians.
“The more that people realize that gays are everywhere, the better things get,” he says. “But we still have a long way to go.”
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