Michigan Runner ok with His Sexuality
APAustin Hendrix is part of the Eastern Michigan track team.
Austin Hendrix thought he would be free once he got to college.
There would be no more hiding the fact he's gay, no more denying something that is as much a part of him as the color of his eyes. He could be himself, not the muted version he'd been presenting to the world, to his friends and his teammates in Eastern Michigan's track and cross-country programs.
"I was new here. I didn't know anyone on the team, I didn't know anyone on the campus at all. So nobody knew that I was gay," said Hendrix, whose wiry frame immediately pegs him as a distance runner. "I had to make the decision on whether or not to confide in my teammates, coach, classmates, whatever, that I was gay and tell them my sexuality, or just keep it a secret.
"You want to fit in, you want to have your teammates' respect. And a lot of people are ashamed to come out because they think their teammates will think less of them."
For Hendrix, his choice of school ratcheted up the stakes. Eastern Michigan is a Mid-American Conference powerhouse in running, with 34 titles in track and another 15 in cross country. It has produced two Olympic gold medalists. The last thing Hendrix wanted was to cause tension or awkwardness in the locker room, or turn teammates against each other.
Or turn them all against him.
That nightmare scenario would be even worse in distance running, the purest, most primal of sports. There are no scrimmages or fancy drills during base training, just mileage - lots of it. Hendrix and his teammates spend one, sometimes two hours a day running through the neighborhoods and parks around Eastern Michigan, nothing to break up the monotony of their workouts besides sharing bits and pieces of their lives.
So Hendrix stepped back into the closet.
Only now it felt more like a prison.
He would remain trapped there for two long years, until his courage overcame his fear - and he discovered there'd been no reason to hide.
"You can't say that you can just forget about your sexuality. It's who you are. You're attracted to certain people," Hendrix said. "My first two years here, I thought about 'How can I come out? When should I come out?'
"Honestly, my thoughts were consumed by hiding my sexuality."
Hendrix is hardly the first athlete to face such a quandary. What makes him unusual is his willingness to talk about it.
For all of the progress gays and lesbians have made in America, from the legalization of gay marriage in five states and the District of Columbia to the repeal of the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy in December, the sports world in the U.S. and abroad remains firmly closeted. Not because there are no gay or lesbian athletes, but because of the unwritten prohibition on talking about sexual orientation in sports.
The few high-profile athletes who are out have mostly been women such as Martina Navratilova in tennis, Sheryl Swoopes in the WNBA and Rosie Jones of the LPGA. Europe has seven nations where gay marriage is legal, but just two big-name male athletes who have come out: Gareth Thomas, the former Wales rugby captain, in 2009, and English cricket player Steve Davies, who announced in February he is gay.
There has yet to be an openly gay player in Major League Baseball, the NBA or NFL, and only a few have spoken publicly about their sexuality after retiring.
"You're supposed to fit this model - if you're a gay male, you're (considered) feminine, you can't be athletic," Hendrix said. "You start thinking, 'Maybe I'm the only one. I don't have anyone to look up to, maybe there's something wrong with me.' It does make it difficult. And you're surrounded by all straight men or women so you don't have anyone to really go to or confide in.
"It would just really help to know you're not alone. I think that's what it comes down to."
Hendrix, a 21-year-old fourth-year junior at Eastern Michigan, has been an athlete as far back as he can remember. He comes from a soccer family, and began playing when he was in kindergarten. He took up cross country in middle school because his friends were doing it, and realized after running track his freshman year in high school that he was pretty good.
He began coming out his junior year of high school by telling his friends, and word eventually reached his mother. Their conversation was teary but loving. Finding the words to tell his father was even more difficult and, after talking it over with his mom, Hendrix settled for a letter.
Though accepting of him, his parents were fearful of how their community would treat their only son. Their hometown of Sylvania, Ohio, is small, less than 20,000 people, and word of mouth travels fast.
"The reality is, anybody who thinks an out or gay athlete, even a very talented one at the high school level, has an equal chance of getting a scholarship at the right school or has an equal chance of getting drafted as a straight athlete are still kidding themselves," said John Amaechi, who came out after five years in the NBA with Cleveland, Orlando and Utah. "There are some people who will overlook it. But there are still some owners who are stale, male and pale, and for them, the idea of women being in the locker room is terrifying, let alone a gay person on their team."
Fear of such attitudes persuaded Hendrix to stay silent, and he buried himself in his classes and running. But he learned quickly that a half-truth is just another word for a lie.
Hendrix didn't know a day without fearing someone had found out or was about to. His running suffered and his body did, too, with an uncharacteristic string of injuries. Frustration and disappointment turned inward, gnawing away until Hendrix acknowledged the real problem.
"I got fed up with lying and hiding," he said.
No matter the reaction, it had to be better than pretending.
Two years ago, as he and his best friend on the team talked about accepting people despite their differences, Hendrix finally shared his secret. Though surprised, the teammate said it didn't change anything. That unconditional support gave Hendrix the courage to tell a few other teammates. And then a few more until the whole squad knew.
His straight roommate, James Hughes, thinks he found out on a run, but isn't quite sure of the details anymore because it was such a nonevent.
"It surprised me when I first learned it," Hughes said. "I never expected it, I didn't see it coming. And then, instantly, all I could think about was, 'I hope I never said anything to offend him."'
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