“I’d Rather Have a Dad & Daddy”

Tony and Barrie Drewitt-Barlow are probably the UK’s most famous gay ‘dads’ as they rose to public attention a decade ago after they fought and won a long and drawn out battle to bring back to the UK twins Aspen and Saffron who were born by a surrogate mother in America after being conceived from egg donation. It was a case that hit the headlines of all the major news and current affairs shows of the time. There were some in the media who accused the gay couple of “Shopping for the ultimate accessory”

Things are a lot different ten tears down the line – “ Ten years ago everyone thought we were a pair of paedophiles. Gay men wanting to be parents! What else could we be? We had to be paedophiles. We’ve spent the last 10 years trying to persuade people that’s not the case. We’ve spent 10 years getting people to understand we’re just another family.” Barrie says.

That family comprises of the twins, Aspen and Saffron, who are both 10 now, Orlando whose 6, and the latest additions, twins Jasper and Dallas who are just five months, all conceived via egg donation and carried by surrogate mothers.

What’s it like with the now that the younger twins are here, and Barrie replies – “It’s put a strain on our relationship, but we expected that. We notice the difference being older – we’re knackered a lot of the time. And Tony and I don’t get much time on our own together these days!”

The couple have clearly defined roles within the family unit, much like any other, Barrie seems to be the ‘nurturer’ of the two “I do the cooking, I do the ironing. I organise the play-dates, I take the children to school. I work out what’s going to happen when Saffron’s rounders game at one end of the county clashes with Aspen’s cricket match in the other direction, and they both need picking up at the exact same time that the nanny finishes. I’m the family organiser, Tony is the breadwinner”

It’s entertaining to read the interview with these two in today’s Guardian newspaper, it’s also highly encouraging. It shows clearly that being gay is no barrier to making a creating a family these days, either with adoption, surragacy, fostering, or special arrangements with the lesbian couple down the street. Despite many headaches, hitches, problems and prejudice Tony and Barrie have made it work, have faced their critics head on and in most cases blown them out of the water, simply by being a happy family.

“I’d rather have a dad and a daddy than a mum and a dad,” says Aspen “But you can’t make babies like us in Britain – it’s not allowed. I think that sucks.” And: “If they want to have children, they should be allowed to.”

Cutting Edge: My Weird & Wonderful Family will be shown on Channel 4 in the UK on 21 July at 9pm

The Guardian interview is here.

Jason Shaw

GayAgenda.com’s United Kingdom Correspondent.

Jason’s honest and open account of life in and out of the dating game can be found at www.seafrontdiary.com