Tip #5 of 7 on Dating: Training Your Dating Muscles
Tip #5: Training Your Dating Muscles
"Keep your elbows in," my boxing coach told me. "But, my arms are more comfortable like this,
" I sneered with a sweaty expression. He dropped his boxing pads in frustration, walked towards
me and pushed my elbows into my chest. He turned me away from the mirror and pointed to a
small muscle in my back. "See this muscle?" he asked. It’s the smallest and weakest muscle in
your shoulder and when your elbows are flared out, you engage it during your jab." He then
pointed to a larger muscle just below my shoulder blade, "When you keep your elbows in, you
engage this bigger muscle—which gives you more power. More power means a better punch."
This seemingly simple boxing lesson can apply to the art of dating as well. It’s not uncommon
for us gay men to let our weakest muscles—namely insecurity and passiveness—lead our dating
experiences, which results in the least amount of impact and the least amount of success. It’s
comfortable for us to create profiles, log off, wait for responses, then check back obsessively
to see if we’ve caught anyone’s attention. Meanwhile, resting in stasis is a larger, more powerful
muscle called assertiveness, which enables us to actively seek men instead of waiting for them to
find us.
The ring of dating can produce powerful possibilities (and surprise match ups) when you step out
of your weak zone as a dating introvert and get into the knock out stance of a more sure and assertive
dater. At first, it may feel uncomfortable being an assertive online dater, but with a little practice
you’ll gain the strength to use your strongest dating muscle to seek out men based on who you
want instead of who simply wants you.
by Ramon johnston
"Keep your elbows in," my boxing coach told me. "But, my arms are more comfortable like this,
" I sneered with a sweaty expression. He dropped his boxing pads in frustration, walked towards
me and pushed my elbows into my chest. He turned me away from the mirror and pointed to a
small muscle in my back. "See this muscle?" he asked. It’s the smallest and weakest muscle in
your shoulder and when your elbows are flared out, you engage it during your jab." He then
pointed to a larger muscle just below my shoulder blade, "When you keep your elbows in, you
engage this bigger muscle—which gives you more power. More power means a better punch."
This seemingly simple boxing lesson can apply to the art of dating as well. It’s not uncommon
for us gay men to let our weakest muscles—namely insecurity and passiveness—lead our dating
experiences, which results in the least amount of impact and the least amount of success. It’s
comfortable for us to create profiles, log off, wait for responses, then check back obsessively
to see if we’ve caught anyone’s attention. Meanwhile, resting in stasis is a larger, more powerful
muscle called assertiveness, which enables us to actively seek men instead of waiting for them to
find us.
The ring of dating can produce powerful possibilities (and surprise match ups) when you step out
of your weak zone as a dating introvert and get into the knock out stance of a more sure and assertive
dater. At first, it may feel uncomfortable being an assertive online dater, but with a little practice
you’ll gain the strength to use your strongest dating muscle to seek out men based on who you
want instead of who simply wants you.
by Ramon johnston
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