Gay Marriage a Civil Right Issue

After reading the column by Associate Editor Mike Jones ("End the divide over gay marriage," April 14) I was prompted to write as an Oklahoma native who now lives in California, a legally married gay man and the father of a son who just turned 5 (adopted at birth with my spouse). Gay marriage, a prominent civil rights issue, is on our nation's table. 

It is, indeed, an issue of civil rights, as our president has labeled it - no less valid or necessary than past civil rights issues including women's right to vote, African-American equal rights and lawful interracial marriage. (Segregation was called "separate but equal" - a preposterous excuse for bigotry in the same way the "civil unions" are meant to suggest marriage equality.) 

All of these issues were hotly contended by stalwart naysayers claiming equal rights would somehow threaten or tarnish the fabric of our country. Of course, these rights only enriched our nation, securing and following the very essence of our constitution. And none of them was granted by individual state vote, mob rule or popular opinion. They were granted and mandated federally because it was the right thing to do, and we had evolved into a society that was ready to be moved, and yes, pushed forward. 

Vital rights

Marriage is a legal issue about vital inalienable rights that should be granted to every law-abiding citizen. Anti-equality proponents often site tradition and the Bible as a platform. In fact, same-sex marriages date back to Roman times and were even sanctioned in the Catholic church for hundreds of years. 

Times change. Politics change. And they are certainly changing now. Somewhere from 53 percent to 58 percent of Americans now support gay marriage, and among those under 30, the number is a whopping 73 percent. It is an ironic number - the same percentage as in a poll taken in 1963, a year before the Civil Rights Act, which embraced the view that "Negroes should have the right to use the same parks, restaurants, and hotels, as white people." Just as in that historic time, the majority of our nation wants change. 

On a spiritual level, in my deepest heart of hearts, I cannot understand why anyone would not want two people who love each other to be able to commit, monogamously in a promise to God, friends and family, and be protected under the law. Is the most controversial issue in our nation really about too much love? My partner/husband and I have been together for 18 years. Isn't that what everyone wants for everyone? 

Moral compass

I am an excellent spouse and excellent father. I would stand my parenting skills and service to my family against anyone's. I am a good citizen. And I am confident beyond measure that "the right thing to do" will indeed come to pass, federally, in my lifetime. And so, as each of us closely examines our moral compasses, we must decide which side of history we want to be on: That of love or that of fear. That is really the only issue. 

My mother and father, who live in Sand Springs, are proud parents and grandparents. In a symbolic gesture of goodness, they swept the street outside the high school where the Westboro Baptist Church had picketed with "God hates fags" signs earlier that day. 

Oklahoma is where I grew up with love and pride and gratitude. But where I also grew up in fear that nearly resulted in teen suicide, and was taught to accept bigotry as beliefs - and where, to this day, despite my extraordinary relationships with the people of Oklahoma and years of memorable concerts, grand marshaling parades, hosting events and fund raisers, being inducted into the Oklahoma Music Hall of Fame, and so many other experiences of which I am enormously proud, according to popular opinion, I am not really considered equal and my family is not really considered a family. 

There is the oft-quoted phrase, "love the sinner, hate the sin." I struggle to "love the hypocrite, hate the hypocrisy." I no longer accept bigotry as beliefs. From anyone. But I have hope. 

And ultimately, great faith in our nation and the people of Oklahoma. They are my people and they are good. And now the majority of Oklahomans are challenged to open their minds and hearts to be a part of the next step in humankind's evolvement, where love conquers fear and we are all equal brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers and neighbors and co-workers and churchgoers and bank tellers and grocers and lawyers and policemen and teachers - a true community. As Jones wrote in his article, this is an issue of humanity. I cannot think of a finer people who should embrace that basic concept than my fellow Oklahomans. 

Just as in the case of any minority, it will not be gay people who make the change. It will be straight people who stand up against prejudice and inequality. As the good doctor said: "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

Editor's note: Sam Harris, singer, actor, writer and multi-platinum recording artist, is a native of Sand Springs. His new book, "HAM: Slices of a Life," Simon & Schuster, will be out in January 2014. For an advance copy go to www.tulsaworld.com/samham.