Staten Islanders, Ray Carr& Jim McKernan Can Now Marry in their Town
By
Jim McKernan and Ray Carr have been together for 17 years. Now that the marriage equality act has passed in New York state, they plan to take wedding vows in the place they have always known as home
STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. -- Ray Carr and Jim McKernan speak in the same gravely tenor, inflected with native Staten Island accents. They laugh often, and finish each other's sentences, with punch lines drawing on shared memories from their 17 years together.
Now that the marriage equality act has passed in New York state, they plan to take wedding vows in the place they have always known as home.
As they switch the gold bands they now wear on their right hands to their ring fingers, they also hope to retire the attorney-prepared paperwork, which for nearly two decades has given them some measure of access to the rights automatically granted to married couples.
"You have the feeling you get when you find the one you love," said Carr, 50, of his first meeting with McKernan on the South Beach boardwalk in 1993. Until finding the man who would become his life partner, the Wall Street dealmaker had never been in a relationship or come out to friends and family, he said. But after feeling that kind of synergy, staying in the closet was no longer an option.
"I brought him home to meet my Irish Catholic parents," Carr said with a chuckle, recalling the bright spring day, and how his late mother was outside in the yard of their Fort Wadsworth home, and they all sat down and chatted.
"He said, 'This is Jimmy, you're going to be seeing a lot of him around,'" said McKernan, 46.
The two moved in together a few months later and have been virtually inseparable ever since, launching a vending business and also, for two years, running Q-SINY, the gay-oriented restaurant and nightclub in Midland Beach, which closed in October.
GET ALONG PERFECTLY
"We get along perfectly; we live, work and play and love together. If you are with someone and if you cannot say I could spend 24 hours a day, seven days a week together, run the other way."
Despite their commitment, it has been arduous to ensure that institutions treat them as "legally in charge of each other," they said. When Carr was in the hospital five years ago for routine back surgery, they hired an attorney to prepare papers so McKernan could have access to his partner's bedside and, could, if need be, make serious medical decisions.
If Carr and McKernan had wed in one of six other states with same-gender marriage laws, the union would have been recognized here, and along with it, some of the benefits. But the two said they held out for the passage of the historic bill in their own state because it was a matter of principle to be able to get married at home.
"We grew up here, we live here, we're lifelong Islanders," said McKernan, musing about a reception at the Hilton Garden Inn in Bloomfield, sometime before next year.
"It will be something fun with family and friends -- definitely on Staten Island," said Carr.
The passage of the marriage equality act opens up more than just romantic possibilities, said Ganine Gambale, a St. George-based attorney. It offers real legal options to thousands of borough residents.
According to the U.S. Census, in 2000 there were 26,000 co-habitating same-gender couples in New York City, with 3.5 percent living here -- with many predicting those numbers to balloon when the 2010 Census data is released later this summer.
"Marriage is about love and commitment, but marriage in our society is also a relationship between a couple and the government," said Ms. Gambale, who specializes in helping LGBT couples and is active in a number LGBT legal organizations and marriage advocacy groups.
Still, the law in New York does not cover the 1,100 federal rights that come with marriage, she said.
The federal law, passed by both houses of Congress by large majorities and signed by President Bill Clinton in 1996, states a legal union is "between one man and one woman," and defines a spouse as "a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife."
The law has been called unconstitutional by Present Barack Obama.
"A newly married couple may file joint tax returns, transfer property to each other without tax consequences, or take family leave, but a same-gender married couple cannot, no matter how long they have been married or how intermingled their lives and finances may be," said Ms. Gamble.
Assemblyman Matthew Titone (D-North Shore), the borough's first openly gay elected official, said the passage of the New York bill was indeed a monumental step on what is still a long road. He joined New Jersey rallies for passage of a similar law, getting $3,500 at a fundraiser for one of the pens Gov. Andrew Cuomo used to sign the legislation.
RIGHT THING TO DO
When asked about his personal stake in the outcome of the vote, Titone, who has been with his partner, Giosue Pugliese, for 18 years, responded, "It is the right thing to do and anything that is the right thing to do is personal to me."
Even though friends have offered to throw them a lavish reception, the couple will probably quietly go to Borough Hall to tie the knot.
"This is for us," he said, of the victory, which may do something to salve the pain from the time his mother was dying in the hospital, and his siblings' spouses were let into the room to join her, but Pugliese was blocked from entering.
"He was stopped from coming in simply because he could not articulate his legal relationship to this woman who had loved him for years. That was a defining moment," he said. "That is why we need this. This one little piece of paper, this license, can take care of that."
Katie Cumiskey and Robin Garber of West Brighton were married in Canada in 2006, in a small ceremony in Toronto attended by 25 family members and friends.
"The ceremony is really a time for you to ask your family and your community to pledge their support to your relationship; that's part of the reason the fight for marriage equality is so important. We came home with legal documentation saying we're married, but in law here you still feel disrespected,"said Ms. Cumiskey, a professor of psychology and women's studies at the College of Staten Island. "We had to carry around a box of documents we had to use to prove the legitimacy of our marriage."
The spouses, who own the cozy Stapleton bookstore Bent Pages, will renew their vows alongside other borough LGBT couples at a grand dinner dance and celebration July 9, sponsored by Staten Island Pride Events. Later in the year, Ms. Cumiskey and Ms. Garber will take their vows again, at home.
"Even though our wedding was beautiful and special and meaningful to us and our family there, there were people who couldn't come," said Ms. Cumiskey. "We really wanted to have a wedding on Staten Island."
Jim McKernan and Ray Carr have been together for 17 years. Now that the marriage equality act has passed in New York state, they plan to take wedding vows in the place they have always known as homeSTATEN ISLAND, N.Y. -- Ray Carr and Jim McKernan speak in the same gravely tenor, inflected with native Staten Island accents. They laugh often, and finish each other's sentences, with punch lines drawing on shared memories from their 17 years together.
Now that the marriage equality act has passed in New York state, they plan to take wedding vows in the place they have always known as home.
As they switch the gold bands they now wear on their right hands to their ring fingers, they also hope to retire the attorney-prepared paperwork, which for nearly two decades has given them some measure of access to the rights automatically granted to married couples.
"You have the feeling you get when you find the one you love," said Carr, 50, of his first meeting with McKernan on the South Beach boardwalk in 1993. Until finding the man who would become his life partner, the Wall Street dealmaker had never been in a relationship or come out to friends and family, he said. But after feeling that kind of synergy, staying in the closet was no longer an option.
"I brought him home to meet my Irish Catholic parents," Carr said with a chuckle, recalling the bright spring day, and how his late mother was outside in the yard of their Fort Wadsworth home, and they all sat down and chatted.
"He said, 'This is Jimmy, you're going to be seeing a lot of him around,'" said McKernan, 46.
The two moved in together a few months later and have been virtually inseparable ever since, launching a vending business and also, for two years, running Q-SINY, the gay-oriented restaurant and nightclub in Midland Beach, which closed in October.
GET ALONG PERFECTLY
"We get along perfectly; we live, work and play and love together. If you are with someone and if you cannot say I could spend 24 hours a day, seven days a week together, run the other way."
Despite their commitment, it has been arduous to ensure that institutions treat them as "legally in charge of each other," they said. When Carr was in the hospital five years ago for routine back surgery, they hired an attorney to prepare papers so McKernan could have access to his partner's bedside and, could, if need be, make serious medical decisions.
If Carr and McKernan had wed in one of six other states with same-gender marriage laws, the union would have been recognized here, and along with it, some of the benefits. But the two said they held out for the passage of the historic bill in their own state because it was a matter of principle to be able to get married at home.
"We grew up here, we live here, we're lifelong Islanders," said McKernan, musing about a reception at the Hilton Garden Inn in Bloomfield, sometime before next year.
"It will be something fun with family and friends -- definitely on Staten Island," said Carr.
The passage of the marriage equality act opens up more than just romantic possibilities, said Ganine Gambale, a St. George-based attorney. It offers real legal options to thousands of borough residents.
According to the U.S. Census, in 2000 there were 26,000 co-habitating same-gender couples in New York City, with 3.5 percent living here -- with many predicting those numbers to balloon when the 2010 Census data is released later this summer.
"Marriage is about love and commitment, but marriage in our society is also a relationship between a couple and the government," said Ms. Gambale, who specializes in helping LGBT couples and is active in a number LGBT legal organizations and marriage advocacy groups.
Still, the law in New York does not cover the 1,100 federal rights that come with marriage, she said.
The federal law, passed by both houses of Congress by large majorities and signed by President Bill Clinton in 1996, states a legal union is "between one man and one woman," and defines a spouse as "a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife."
The law has been called unconstitutional by Present Barack Obama.
"A newly married couple may file joint tax returns, transfer property to each other without tax consequences, or take family leave, but a same-gender married couple cannot, no matter how long they have been married or how intermingled their lives and finances may be," said Ms. Gamble.
Assemblyman Matthew Titone (D-North Shore), the borough's first openly gay elected official, said the passage of the New York bill was indeed a monumental step on what is still a long road. He joined New Jersey rallies for passage of a similar law, getting $3,500 at a fundraiser for one of the pens Gov. Andrew Cuomo used to sign the legislation.
RIGHT THING TO DO
When asked about his personal stake in the outcome of the vote, Titone, who has been with his partner, Giosue Pugliese, for 18 years, responded, "It is the right thing to do and anything that is the right thing to do is personal to me."
Even though friends have offered to throw them a lavish reception, the couple will probably quietly go to Borough Hall to tie the knot.
"This is for us," he said, of the victory, which may do something to salve the pain from the time his mother was dying in the hospital, and his siblings' spouses were let into the room to join her, but Pugliese was blocked from entering.
"He was stopped from coming in simply because he could not articulate his legal relationship to this woman who had loved him for years. That was a defining moment," he said. "That is why we need this. This one little piece of paper, this license, can take care of that."
Katie Cumiskey and Robin Garber of West Brighton were married in Canada in 2006, in a small ceremony in Toronto attended by 25 family members and friends.
"The ceremony is really a time for you to ask your family and your community to pledge their support to your relationship; that's part of the reason the fight for marriage equality is so important. We came home with legal documentation saying we're married, but in law here you still feel disrespected,"said Ms. Cumiskey, a professor of psychology and women's studies at the College of Staten Island. "We had to carry around a box of documents we had to use to prove the legitimacy of our marriage."
The spouses, who own the cozy Stapleton bookstore Bent Pages, will renew their vows alongside other borough LGBT couples at a grand dinner dance and celebration July 9, sponsored by Staten Island Pride Events. Later in the year, Ms. Cumiskey and Ms. Garber will take their vows again, at home.
"Even though our wedding was beautiful and special and meaningful to us and our family there, there were people who couldn't come," said Ms. Cumiskey. "We really wanted to have a wedding on Staten Island."
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Congratulations to Ray Carr and Jim McKernan. Personally know what great human beings they are.
adamfoxie*
Congratulations to Ray Carr and Jim McKernan. Personally know what great human beings they are.
adamfoxie*
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