Im Introducing you to A Gay Rights Power Player
IF you are Brian Ellner, a tall, handsome, unrelentingly persistent New Yorker with an e-Rolodex that expands at every dinner party, you can always get through to someone impossible to reach.
Danny Ghitis for The New York Times
Brian Ellner makes no apologies for using connections to further a cause.
Julianne Moore, anyone?
Last July, her film “The Kids Are All Right,” about a longtime lesbian couple, had just been released. She would be perfect, Mr. Ellner thought, to make a video supporting the gay-marriage initiative in New York State. Mr. Ellner had recently been hired by the Human Rights Campaign, a gay advocacy group based in Washington, to help get the bill passed in Albany.
So he happens to be chatting with an educational philanthropist. (His e-Rolodex includes boldface names from Wall Street, fashion, gay rights groups, educational activists, major law firms and major league sports.) The philanthropist mentions he knows the mother of Bart Freundlich, Ms. Moore’s husband.
The affable but intense Mr. Ellner, 41, is not shy about asking for introductions.
“I would have done it anyway,” Ms. Moore said, “but the fact that he got my mother-in-law to e-mail me and say, ‘Would you do this for them?’ didn’t hurt.”
The passage of New York’s same-sex marriage bill last week was a result of hard work by politicians, led by Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo, and a well-coordinated coalition of gay rights groups, of which Mr. Ellner’s was one. But by sheer dint of his dedication (snipers would say to himself), he has emerged among the most visible of the spokesmen. His videos, featuring celebrities from entertainment and fashion as well as unexpected figures from sports and even former opponents, drew attention to the issue.
On Tuesday, at a Chelsea diner, Mr. Ellner made no apologies. “I find connections, and I don’t let go until someone moves their position,” he said. “I’m sure there are a lot of people who have me on auto-delete on their e-mails.”
During the frenetic run-up to the vote, he would send embargoed statements to writers for several possible poll outcomes. However news might break, he wanted to make sure articles would include his positive spin.
His new prominence represents a personal success, from a bleak moment last May, after Mr. Ellner had been tapped to lead the Empire State Pride Agenda, a gay rights organization. At the time, Mr. Ellner, a Harvard Law School graduate who had done extensive pro-bono work in public education and gay rights, had been a senior adviser to Joel I. Klein, the then-schools chancellor. While Mr. Ellner received endorsements from state and city politicians, advocates in the gay community derided him because he worked for Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg, who was seen as being too moderate on gay issues, and they threatened to cut ties with the organization if Mr. Ellner was appointed. He withdrew his candidacy.
“When someone calls someone else an opportunist, it’s because they’re jealous,” said Richard Socarides, a friend who was a senior adviser to President Bill Clinton on gay rights.
THIS fall, Mr. Ellner helped raise money to target vulnerable candidates who had voted against the same-sex marriage bill in 2009. He quietly met with Republicans, seeking to change a few votes.
“He could have done a hard sell,” said Senator James S. Alesi, a Republican from the Rochester area who had voted against the 2009 bill. “But he was smart enough to know I would come to the decision on my own. His interpersonal capabilities are superb.”
Mr. Alesi ended up supporting the measure.
But Mr. Ellner also wanted to drum up popular momentum for the bill, to frame it as a moderate issue. So he called his friend from Dartmouth, Annie Sundberg, a filmmaker who co-directed “Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work,” to make the videos, which rolled out on a steady basis: Whoopi Goldberg, Mayor Bloomberg, Anna Wintour, Russell Simmons.
But at a fund-raiser, a straight friend pulled him aside and said bluntly: “Brian! Hollywood? Gay. Fashion? Gay. Music? Gay. Usual suspects. I’m the guy you want to reach: get cops and athletes.”
By January, Barbara Bush, a daughter of George W. Bush, had made a video supporting the cause. Then William J. Bratton, the former New York City police commissioner. And finally, through his older brother who used to date the daughter of a New York sportscaster — connection, connection, connection — hello, Sean Avery, the New York Ranger.
“Brian made me feel comfortable and totally relaxed,” Mr. Avery said. “And we kept in contact afterwards. He was just persistent in not letting go.” Athletes like Steve Nash, the basketball star, and Michael Strahan, the former New York Giants defensive end, followed.
Although the impeccably dressed Mr. Ellner, with his Ivy League background and jobs at top-label law firms, would seem to radiate the easy confidence of privilege, he comes from neither.
He grew up in Queens, with middle-class parents, neither of whom attended college. When his parents divorced messily, he lived with his father, who had just lost his job, for two years and switched from private school to public school. Mr. Ellner describes that time as dark and scarring. Friendless and depressed, he put on weight. Eventually he moved to Manhattan to live with his mother, who was on her third marriage.
Perhaps, Mr. Ellner believes, he developed his remarkable networking skills out of need to create a support system. At Dartmouth, he became president of his freshman class, then president of his sophomore class. Typically, candidates for schoolwide leadership run as juniors, to hold office their senior year. But, said Mr. Ellner with a grin: “I saw there were three juniors running. I was a sophomore. I saw an opportunity to split the vote. And I did.”
In 2005, he adopted the same strategy as he considered the crowded field of Democratic candidates for Manhattan borough president. Though he did not win, it whetted his appetite, and he does not rule out a future in politics.
Because he was hired by the Human Rights Campaign to help get the job done in Albany — mission accomplished — he doesn’t yet know his next move.
Will Mr. Ellner now propose to someone? He is speechless. He would like to marry one day, he said.
“I’ve been dating someone for just over a year,” he said. “I move slowly.”
He went to his apartment to change for that evening’s victory party. He re-emerged in his conservative finery, dressed as Clark Kent to do Superman’s work. Ralph Lauren suit, wide tie, Church’s brogues. Is it true that his Turnbull & Asser shirts are custom-tailored?
“Off-the-rack doesn’t fit me,” Mr. Ellner said. “I have long arms.”
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