Are Sexual Tastes Immutable?
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| In Memoriam(gay porn starAndrew Gtande) |
Such statements mislead people that all sexual inclinations are created equal
and are immutable. This is simply not true.
Yes, genitals quite often fire up without our commanding them. Yet researchers
have shown that mammals can be conditioned (and sometimes reconditioned)
to adjust their sexual response with surprising ease. Even humans have
managed
to increase or suppress penile erection or vaginal pulse in the lab when
offered monetary reinforcement and/or instructional feedback.
Indeed, most of us have a good bit of indirect say over our sexual tastes
(as contrasted with our sexual orientation).
Brains are plastic. The truth is we are always training our brains—with or
without our conscious participation. We can choose to avoid, pursue, and
cease pursuit of, stimuli that condition our sexual tastes in particular directions.
For example, many young Internet porn users condition their sexuality to pixels—
such that they do not become aroused by real potential mates (to their horror).
They are profoundly altering their innate sexual response in ways our ancestors
would have found impossible to comprehend (because our ancestors didn’t
have access to a parade of novel erotic cues at a click). This phenomenon
of morphing sexual tastes in Internet porn users does not appear to have
been researched at all, so the "bulk of scientific research" is badly skewed
at present.In any event, proclaiming porn choices "innate" rather than
"cultural" ignores an extensive body of evidence from multiple cultures
about socially conditioned sexual practices.
Psychologist Kirk Witherspoon explains:Sexual expression around the globe
and across time has known the widest variety of permutations that have all
been considered "normal" somewhere. ... What is deemed normal often has
a large learned (nurturing) component, not a mere innate (nature)
predetermination. For example, many of the sexual offenders I evaluate were
themselves introduced to sex as children—either with other kids or with adults.
Others, of course, may be more biogenically preconfigured.Internet porn use
may be "normal" in our culture at present, but we should be cautious about
assuming our porn-skewed tastes are "innate" or "immutable.”
Irreversible versus reversible
In the case of porn users, it's more accurate to think in terms of "irreversible”
versus "reversible." Given long enough time-frames, or exposure during
sensitive periods, sustained addiction could lead to irreversible preferences,
at least in some people. Also, the earlier an attraction-pattern is established
the more innate-seeming, or immutable, it will be.However, “reversible
addiction" is the most likely explanation for the experience of many of
today's porn users/lovers. They consistently describe escalation to harder
and more extreme stimulation. If their tastes were instead immutable, they
would swiftly find their perfect "fit" and stick to it indefinitely. Instead, many
report profound, surprisingly rapid, shifts in behavior and performance.
As it is, sexual tastes are changing rapidly. Said one observer:
I'm bisexual. These days, the men and women I sleep with are doing things that
are more in line with pornographic acts than having sex. Things ten years ago
were different. Recently, a woman I slept with asked if I wanted to perform
anal sex on her. I've never enjoyed it (with men or women) so I declined and
she almost seemed relieved, like it was some sort of normal thing that is
expected of women. Also it takes forever for a lot of men to climax nowadays.
My last boyfriend suffered from delayed ejaculation and he was a very heavy
porn user.Another guy described his escalation into illegal content:I started
looking at porn, on a regular basis, about five years ago. First there were the
beautiful women, then the HC porn, then the weird insertions, then the
transvestites,
then critters, then the hermaphrodites, then the teen porn, then the younger
models and now prison (soon to go). As the years passed I became less and
less interested in masturbating and more and more interested in “novelty”
searching. Towards the end, I couldn't sit at a computer without searching.
I've never even remotely considered touching anyone or invading anyone’s
privacy (all my kids and others can attest to that). Looking back, I just don’t
see how I could have been so ignorant as to not recognize that I had a problem.
A better understanding of brain plasticity, addiction and how to reverse such
trends is vital—lest we imprison such porn users as pedophiles instead of treating
them for addiction.
Widespread awareness of the risk of morphing sexual tastes would also
encourage
more people to learn about their options and seek help earlier. Note the
experience
of these three guys:Minors - When I used porn all the time I went to more
and more
extreme material. For me it was young girls. From 10 to 16 years old
- hentai,
models, CP; didn't matter, I loved it. I would never dream of doing
anything with
them. However, I always felt awkward around them (including my
niece) because
I had so much trouble separating them from my sexual thoughts of
little girls. Since
quitting porn, my taste in women has become far more mature and
developed.
I used to look at women with big boobs and think 'Meh, too large,' but
lately I've just
been thinking 'Ooh... Boobies.' It has been weeks since I've looked
at a young girl
and thought of her as sexually attractive. TL;DR: I think cutting out
masturbation to
Internet porn may have helped fix my ephebophilia/pedophilia.
Feet - Gradually became addicted to foot-fetish porn and eventually
couldn't get it
up for actual sex. You have no idea how embarrassing that is. Then I got
into a
situation where I couldn't look at porn for a month and a half, and couldn’t
beat off
either. 6 weeks later, I was waking up rock-solid erections and sex was like
the old days again!!Femdom - I never thought that I'd be able to have
normal sex. I always thought
that my brain was just hard-wired to only be turned on by my femdom
fetish, similar to
the way a gay guy can only be turned on by cock, and cannot appreciate
sex with a
woman. Little did I know that the fetish I thought was hard-wired within me,
was simply
the result of my porn-viewing habits. It was a hell of my own making. Now,
at day 91 of no porn/masturbation, I managed to have successful sex with
3 different girls over the
course of this weekend, the last sexual encounter being the most satisfying.
This latest
sexual encounter increased my sexual confidence greatly, and has removed
any doubt that I previously had about the effectiveness of the reboot process.
Sexual choices matter
The familiar message that "our sexuality is impervious to our choices" is a
risky message. For one thing, it subtly implies that early childhood sexual
trauma or adult/child sex is innocuous, as it cannot alter our innate sexual
trajectory. How likely is this to be true—especially given the extreme plasticity
of our brains during key windows of sexual development?
The mammalian brain compounds the problem, because it generally finds it
easier to fall into chronic overconsumption than it does to resist
superstimulating enticements in favor of moderation. Yet our brains retain
some plasticity indefinitely. If they didn't, addicts could never recover.
(They often do.)
Conclusion
Humanity's understanding of its sexuality has long been distorted by incessant
bickering among moralizers, feminists and sexual diversity zealots. Their noise
diverts us from fully investigating our sexuality—and our options.
An understanding of how sexual plasticity and conditioning operate in humans
would reveal the risks of sensitization from both repression and
overconsumption. Thanks to recent science and the hard won experience
of former pornusers in reversing sexual tastes, humanity is finally poised to
comprehend its sexuality from a truly scientific perspective. It's time to retire
the meme that, "My chosen masturbation stimuli are always proof of my sexual
identity."Both animal models and people's actual experiences (today and
throughout history) show us that many of us do condition sexual responses,
albeit often without intent to do so. Nor does plasticity have to be a one-way
street in the direction of more extreme. Our choices matter.Neuroscience can
furnish the solid common ground from which we can all work to maximize true
freedom of human sexual desire. It would be imprudent to ignore the evidence
in order to cling to the sacred cow of "immutable sexual tastes.”
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