How Long can You Happily Go Without Sex? Longest Dry Spells...
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The subject of how long gay men happily go without sex was a recent topic of discussion on Reddit.
The particular post was entitled ‘1 in 5 of the general population hasn’t had sex in a year. What do you think the numbers are for gay men?’
The man who posted it, in his late 50s, said he’d read an article on Vice with that statistical detail. It “really hit home as I am one of the one. It’s been about 2 years and that was the only time in the last 8 years.
“It seems easy for us as gay men to find sex but for me the whole current dating landscape is exhausting and even if I wanted to hook up, that seems like too much work as well.” However, he noted other gay guys appeared a little busier with their bedroom action.
“Granted they’re all on the apps and I choose not to be. I tried them but my mental health took a nose dive,” he continued.
“I don’t come into contact with many gay guys in my day to day life and even when I finally do, it doesn’t even occur to me that there is a possibility that I could partner with them anymore. I guess at this point, I’ve become pretty comfortable being on my own that I forget I’m an anomaly. It’s only when I see articles like this I wonder if I should be trying to get back out there.”
Many men are not having having any bedroom action
Many emphasised and said they knew what it was like to experience a very long dry spell. A large number of respondents had gone without any action for 2, 3, 4 or more years.
However, the most-liked comment revealed it wasn’t necessarily linked to being single.
“I spent 6 years in the 1 in 5 number and I was in a relationship at the time. Never doing the dead bedroom again,” they affirmed.
Another said, “I’m convinced any long-term gay couple I know is not having sex with each other anymore…most of them even have their own bedrooms. It’s more a companion and financial security thing at that point.”
However, many said this was nonsense.
“We’re over 23 years monogamous together with a healthy sex life, and, frankly, after retirement it picked up even more,” replied one. “He still turns me on just looking at me a certain way, and we still sleep tangled up together.”
”I’d rather spend the night with my fleshlight”
As for their lengthy dry spells, men offered a range of reasons.
One man, who is demisexual, said, “Sex means nothing to me if I don’t have a connection with the other person. I’d rather spend the night with my fleshlight than have a hookup with someone who I hardly know.”
At the other end of the spectrum, some guys desire intimacy much more frequently.
“I need to get laid minimum once a week in order to function. My bestie can go years without any sex. He just doesn’t care for it and prefers to m*sturbate. To each their own.”
Another man, in his early 40s, said, “As a proud horndog the cravings are unbearable if I go longer than a week without d*ck. I couldn’t imagine going months/years.”
A third said, “I’m 47 and single… and I f*ck a couple of times a week. More if I had the time.”
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./“The idea that gay men have sex readily available only applies to younger, fitter, and good-looking guys. Try being an average guy over sixty and you won’t have to beat men off unless you have a classic daddy look (and most of us don’t).”
Others have other priorities in their lives.
“I’ll go a year without noticing much,” said a man in his late-30s. “I’m a solo dad, so when I catch a break, all I want is silence, alone. This year, I can finally leave the house when I want, so I’ve had some nice casual hookups.”
Clearly, there’s no such thing as “normal” when it comes to libido, but it’s worth knowing that if you’re not getting much action, you’re not alone. Many gay guys are going without sex for years: Some happily and some less so.
Related*
Gay men in LTRs reveal how often they have sex
Some of the answers may surprise you.
AI companions and adult content
You can read the original Vice article that spurned the discussion here. It was based on a survey of 1,000 adults. Besides the 22% who had not had sex in a year, 6% reported never having sex, while 37% said they’d had sex within the last week.
The number of people who reported sex within the last week has fallen slightly in recent years.
Of those not having sex, 35% said they have no one to sleep with. Other reasons given included low libido, financial stress, workload pressure and mental fatigue. Others mentioned a lack of time or privacy, which might be related to more young adults living at home for longer.
In a sign of the times, 40% of those who went without sex said they turned to adult content as a replacement, while 8% rely on AI companions
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