He Thinks "Being Intimate with You is a Sin” Reply:

 We live together and he says he is attracted to me, but his background has led him to be extremely repressed 

I am a gay man who is engaged. We are both in our 30s, but my fiance comes from a Catholic background and is extremely sexually repressed. He says that until he met me, he had only had sex with a man once, while drunk. We live together, but he has a fear of intimacy and we’ve only had sex twice. He says he is attracted to me but can’t get past his repression. What should I do?

Changing the way your partner feels about sex and intimacy is not likely to happen soon, if ever. You could try taking some incremental steps such as introducing him to a gay Catholic priest who may be able to help him put things into perspective and relieve some of the guilt that seems to have led to well-entrenched internalized homophobia.

But it may be more important for you to consider the fact that you have chosen to be with someone who is largely unavailable to you. Why do you think that is? Sometimes people unconsciously follow patterns they learned in childhood, perhaps by growing up with a distant or remote caregiver or having an unhappy parent whose attempts at intimacy were rejected by his or her spouse. You deserve to be in a relationship where you can enjoy healthy sexuality with someone capable of a reasonable degree of intimacy.

 Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specializes in treating sexual disorders. 

Adam Gonzalez: 

We make our own choices. If you buy a bull wanting a cow, don't expect to be making cheese out of the milk because there will be none. Usually, the fear in settling with someone unavailable to us totally is thinking you won't be able to find someone else. 

If you settle with someone who keeps thinking is you part of a sinful life or that he is attracted too much to the other sex, just know that if he is not giving you sex he will be giving it to someone else. Usually, to someone he doesn't know in a one-time stand. So you will be wacking to porn pics and the guy you choose shares with others what he thinks he can't share with you. Life is only lived once in this body of ours and by having a defective relationship and not getting everything that others get. You empower this individual to continue as he believes more and more he is on the right track. 

If you do the right thing, you will give yourself the chance to be happy with someone else or even alone and he would know he was wrong and maybe even get help.