Some Basic Things Lesbians Can Teach Gay Men About Sex

There’s so much mystery surrounding lesbian sex—even among our gay brethren. Our culture stereotypes gay guys as connoisseurs of sex, but there’s plenty they could learn about the bedroom from queer girls—and I’m not talking positions (though that too). 

Below, I share just a few lessons. There will be a quiz after. 

1. Try a little romance.

   
   
   Should you actually like the person you’re about have sex with, try setting the mood before diving in. Straighten up. Make your bed—hell, put on new sheets. 

   And music is key: Play a little bit of Sade, or something off Spotify’s “Love, Sex & Water” playlist. If you want to get real lez on ’em, put on Melissa Ferrick’s “Drive” and just try to keep his hands off you. 

2. Consent is sexy AF.

   
   
   I’m not saying gay men don’t talk about what they want, but queer women are especially versed in having conversations about what is and isn’t going to work for them. People joke about lesbians processing everything but these little Q&As can be as hot as they are essential. 

   Trust me, the experience will be all the better because you know exactly what your partner needs. 

3. Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay.

   
   

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   If going from zero to 60 in seconds flat is your M.O., that’s totally cool—except you’re missing out on a lot of delicious tension (and the oh-so-good ecstasy of release). 

   Don’t forget the erogenous zones—like neck, earlobes, and nipples. (Pretty sure dudes have them, too). This is when being a tease is a good thing.

4. There’s power in being versatile.

   
   

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   Yes, even some queer ladies identify as bottoms or tops. But most of the time, we’re down to switch it up, depending on our partner, our mood, or, hell, the cycle of the moon. 

   Don’t be so rigid, guys. Give the other side a try. 

5. Try something new.

   
   

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   On the whole, guys figure out what makes them climax sooner than women do. But all those years we spend “researching” give us a wealth of experience—and an understanding that whatever works is just swell. 

   Use your hands, everywhere and anywhere. And don’t be afraid of sex toys: They aren’t “replacing” anything, just adding to the awesomeness. (Trust me.) 

6. Learn to laugh at yourselves.

   
   
   Sex is funny—it just is. But the more we act like we’re on a porn set, the less fun it is. So lighten the fuck up. Did you get a strand of hair in your mouth? Are your bodies making funny noises as they slap together? It’s not embarrassing, it’s part of the ride. 

   Learn to LOL and you’ll have a more enjoyable time.

7. Have a little bedside manner.

   
   

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   We get it: sometimes sex is just sex. But even in a casual hookup you shouldn’t shut down the second you come. Compliment your partner, or ask them if they had a good time—just check in with them somehow. 

   Even if you never run into them again, you don’t want a rude reputation to follow you like a virtual Yelp review. 

Trish Bendix

Trish Bendix is a Los Angeles-based writer.