Sydney Mardi Graz is Coming } Brought to you by “The Gay"
DOUG POLLARDabc.net.au
The not-so-very-gay and only-a-little-bit-lesbian Mardi Gras Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras has decided – for the time being at least – to drop the "gay and lesbian" from the name of the festival and call it just "Sydney Mardi Gras". Raising a ruckus in the "gay and lesbian" community.
At the same time, they're changing the name of the organisation that runs the event from "New Mardi Gras" to "Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras". Apparently the New part was getting old. And they had to tuck the gay and lesbian bit in somewhere.
Not everyone is pleased, but you have to applaud them for their honesty. Over time, the Mardi Gras Parade has become less about the non-straight community asserting its right to be out loud and proud, and more about putting on a fabulous fleshy freak show for a hetero audience. Why else would you import, say, Amanda Lepore?
Putting on a fabulous show takes fabulous amounts of money, which the LGBTIQQ2AA (or whichever acronym you prefer) doesn't have. That means either the government, or private corporations, have to foot the bills. Governments have to take account of voters, and voters whinge at paying for perverts on parade. That means chasing the corporate dollar. But that's not without problems either.
I once served a term or two as president of a gay and lesbian festival, and I can tell you that when you go cap in hand to a potential corporate sponsor, the CEO does not leap into your arms crying, "Oh great! I would love to have my hard-earned family-friendly brand name tattooed on the butt-cheeks of nearly-naked men dry-humping each other in public, preferably in front of TV cameras. How much would you like? Where do I sign?" If only!
However, CEOs have all seen the hordes of tourists flocking into town and yearn to divert some of that river of cash their way. What a dilemma! If only the whole damn thing were just, well, a bit less gay. And then the penny drops.
Hang on. If, instead of asking our GLIBTIQAA2 employees to celebrate what a wonderfully progressive and diverse company we are, by riding our float in their black leather weekend leisurewear, playfully flogging the HR director - why don't we just hire some ACTORS?
In 2008 Ikea was caught out doing just that, paying buff model boys $300 each to bump and grind on the back of a truck, wearing teeny towels, blond wigs and some glitter. Other corporates do likewise. Which is fine, but a bit of a cheat on the audience, who are only there to fantasise about threesomes with lesbians, wonder what anal sex really feels like, and maybe have a beer or three and give it a red hot go. Or queerbash the bastards who stirred up their suppressed lusts. Or both.
Well, sorry to disappoint you, folks, those are not REAL perverts up there, they're ACTORS!
Mardi Gras say that calling the event "gay and lesbian" excludes bisexuals, transgender, intersex etc, while putting them all in makes the name too long. Which is a fair point. However, their solution is to leave everyone out, which is somehow supposed to include everyone in. Or something like that. And anyway, everyone KNOWS Sydney Mardi Gras is gay and lesbian so why mention it? Stop making such a fuss.
But it's the "gay and lesbian" part that brings in the punters. It's the unique selling proposition. It would be less damaging to the brand to lose the "Mardi Gras" than the "gay & lesbian". Without "gay & lesbian" it's just plain Mardi Gras, and everyone knows the real (rampantly hetero) Mardi Gras, is the one in Rio. And I hate to break it to you darlings, but in a head-to-head with Rio, you lose. Big time. BIG BIG time.
Corporates and governments may be more comfortable cosying up a Sydney [Blank] Mardi Gras, but at what price? Who wants to come and see a parade of company floats decked out with paid actors pretending to be queer? A Sydney Gay-for-Pay and Lesbian-on-Hire Mardi Gras?
And what self-respecting queer is going to frock up and flash for the crowds for free while others get paid to do it? Time for a rethink.
Doug Pollard broadcasts on Melbourne community radio http://www.rainbowreporter.com. You can follow The Rainbow Reporter on Facebook and Twitter @rainbowreporter.
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