"Everywhere in the world both sexes care," says Fisher. "Both men and women do what academics call mate guarding. A woman in Demi's position is pouring a lot of metabolic energy into a man who's pouring his metabolic energy into somebody else. From a Darwinian perspective, that's not terribly adaptive, so it can make you mad."
Even if Demi had an open relationship with Ashton, "this is an individual who provides not only sex, intimacy, and companionship," Fisher explains. "He's now the social father to her children. From a financial perspective, she probably never needed him, but from an emotional perspective people want a partner to help them raise their DNA. If she stands to lose that, she feels undermined."
Cheating on your partner in the context of "open" is often more exciting and transgressive than cheating on a traditional marriage. Any form of sex outside the home seems like cheating to a monogamous couple, but open relationships give birth to arcane and highly creative definitions of infidelity. Sex without a condom (alleged by Leal) might be seen as cheating, while sex with protection isn't. (Some use a condom outside the marital bed and not at home, but the canniest philanderer makes sure to use condoms with everyone.) Sex with a friend of the family is betrayal, sex with a stranger a nonevent. Girl on girl is OK with some husbands; girl meets boy not so much. For many of us, involvement with a bimbo or a boytoy doesn't really count—with your partner's intellectual equal or professional peer, you enter treacherous terrain.
No matter how you manage the all-too-human need for variety, the bottom line—as Fisher points out—is how undermined your mate feels. At the end of the day, whether male or female, famous or anonymous, mono or open, you'll pay a price for that.
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