Top 10 Ways to Say You're Gay This Mother's Day by Sarah Toce

Mother’s Day is the perfect time to come out to your mom once and for all.  She already knows about your love of wearing flannel and your close relationship with your “lady friend” of ten years (let’s call her Martha), but Mother’s Day might be the perfect time to tie it all together for her.  Feel free to use the following suggestions to say you’re gay this Mother’s Day. 1.     Plan a Movie Night on Mother’s Day Most mothers love a good movie so what better way to come out of that dusty closet than to pop a good film in, sit back and enjoy one together?  Especially when, oops, that movie you “meant” to put in is accidentally season one of The L Word.  When your mom asks what the two “lady friends” are doing in the back room, you can respond by simply saying, “they’re dusting, mom.  In fact, Martha and I dust all the time”. 2.     Get Her a Good Book There are so many wonderful books out there now that Mom would just love.  In fact, we hear there are a few written by Ellen Degeneres’ mom Betty Degeneres that might just be perfect for her this Mother’s Day.  Here is a great link to help you decide which book would be best for your particular situation: Betty Degeneres. 3.     Bake Her a Cake Whether she prefers chocolate cherry or pineapple upside down, baking a cake for Mother’s Day will surely bring a smile to your mom’s face. Why not add a little extra ingredient to assist your coming out cause?Perhaps big bold lettering written on the top of that delicious cake announcing, “Mom, I’m Gay” would be a bright idea. 4.     Offer to Have Her Stay in Your Spare Room If mom is from out of town and needs a safe, nice place to stay while visiting you, offer to have her utilize your spare room. When she happens to mention that she doesn’t want to displace your friend Martha from her own room, simply tell her that she’ll sleep in your bed like she has been for the past ten years. (It’ll take a moment, but she’ll get it). 5.     Offer to Install New Kitchen Cabinets for Mom When she asks how you can afford to help her out, just tell her that Martha offered to do it as a special favor. After all, she works at Home Depot, has all of her own tools and has been waiting a very long time to wear her Carhart overalls. When your mom mentions how “special” your lady friend is in the tools department, tell her she has no idea…That should open up the conversation slightly. 6.     Surprise – We’re Going to New York City! What better present than a trip to the fabulous city of New York! Here is what you do: Tell your mom that the two of you plus your best friend Martha will be going to New York City in June. That will give her a month to prepare and look into all of the different activities she would like to partake in during your trip. Where is the part when you come out, you ask? Book the trip during the last week in June and make sure you are there for the last Sunday in June, specifically. Moms love parades! 7.     Buy Your Mom a New CD There are so many CDs out there that are great for Mother’s Day. You can pick up Melissa Etheridge’sFearless Love, Brandi Carlile’s Give Up the Ghost or any number of kd lang compilations. Common string, common string…oh, right! They are all big, glaring lesbians! This is one that I like to call, “coming out without saying a word”. 8.     Create a Facebook Account for Mom Everyone loves social networking and it’s time to get mom into the loop with the rest of them. Assuming she knows how to use the computer, create a Facebook account for her and add a bunch of groups and pages so that she can enjoy it when she goes on by herself later. Suggested pages may include: “How to Handle a Gay Daughter”, “Your Daughter is Gay – Now What?”… 9.     Purchase a Few Lilith Fair Tickets You’ll be overrun by lesbians at the venue so you’ll have coverage after you come out to her during Sarah McLachlan’s set.  Purchase a few tickets (one for you, one for mom and one for Martha) and throw them into a card for mom.  Making the announcement that you’re gay in a public setting might help move things along a little bit. 10.  Arrive to the Party Late Mom will be wondering if everything is okay and frantically holding the phone close to her heart when all of a sudden you pop through the door and announce, “I’m here and I’m queer!”  She will be so relieved that you’re safe and sound that maybe the queer part won’t matter….maybe?