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Anchors Aweigh (But Not if You're Gay)

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Manhattan women are all dressed in satin, so the fellows say,
There's just one thing necessary in Manhattan,
When you just have one day,
Gotta pick up a date, maybe seven or eight,
By your way, in just one day.

Frank Sinatra, Gene Kelly and the other guy in On the Townsure do make Fleet Week sound romantic, don't they? This week the streets of Manhattan are teeming with young Navy and Coast Guard enlistees. But some are learning the hard way that New York, well, it's a hell of a town.

They all look so young, too young to know with any certainty about sexual orientation or what it takes to be a good soldier. They travel in packs, and flirt with girls and drink a little. Ten years ago, as a bartender in the Village, I sweet talked a young recruit into giving me his sailor cap. It was a fun, flirty moment for everyone involved and ultimately harmless. It's what Fleet Week is all about. But it also highlights what it means to be a young man discovering his sexuality while serving our country. And for some, it's no walk in the park.

Pretend for a minute, that you're an eighteen-year old man and you've just joined the Navy. When you joined you knew about DADT but thought, I won't have to deal with it, or maybe I will, but how hard could it be, I just won't tell anyone. And then, there you are in New York City, perhaps the biggest city you've ever visited and this is what you see: boys holding hands with boys, lesbian moms, rainbow flags in storefront windows, the Gay City paper. In general, the vibe is a level of acceptance not seen in places like, well, the Navy and the Coast Guard. And something in you clicks.

You are out with your navy buddies, who all want to go to Scores. You are not interested. You are thinking about checking out Christopher Street because you've never seen anything like it. You want to see where the Stonewall riots changed the course of gay history. You are considering, for the first time in your life, that you just might be gay, and you're in the perfect city to safely explore.

Except you are in full naval dress whites. And for the next twenty years, if you decide that a military career is right for you, you spend every single day watching your buddies live their lives, meet their spouses, and welcome their children while you remain buried in secrecy. These aren't things the average recruit probably ever considers.

I can't imagine joining the military knowing it would mean complete separation of personal and private, a 24-hour job of damage control and masquerading, an entire career (and one already rife with stress and emotional challenges) spent scrambling to cover up who you love. This is the psychological torture that is "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." And it's so much more nefarious than anyone ever knew.

There are a number of events scheduled around the city this weekend to continue the push toward repeal.  The momentum is building, but the road ahead is steep. Hopefully this time next year, some lucky bartender in the Village can harmlessly sweet talk his way into winning the cap of a handsome young sailor.

Photo credit: Rev Stan