Bridging The Great Gay And Lesbian Divide

David Jeffries

A growing trend finds New York gays and lesbians are no longer isolating themselves from members of the opposite sex—and it’s gotten people talking. These socially versatile queers can go for a night of flip cup and red velvet cake in Chelsea followed by a lesbian potluck in Park Slope the next day without so much as a scratch to their egos or a stutter in gay or lesbian slang.

Going lesbian and gay in one weekend didn’t use to be the norm for queers of either gender who more often than not would stick to their own crowds and their rather segregated watering holes. Increasingly, however, New York’s lesbians and gays opt not to go for the newest girl or boy bar, but seek recommendations from friends about where “a good crowd” can be found regardless of gender. Often dubbed “mixed” spaces, these gathering places bode well for a new style of going our own gay way where out socializing is breaking down the gender-homogenous image of the gay or lesbian space in New York.

So, what exactly happens when New York gays and lesbians look for more than their same-sex crowds? Where do these heterogenous-seeking homos go, and what is their agenda? Next Magazine navigates the new New York where you might spot boys and girls who no longer feel the need to separate his and hers.

Chelsea has long been home to little dogs, muscle-bound boys and bars and restaurants that cater to both. On any given day, gay men have found a definite strength in numbers here, and even a feeling of all-male familiarity. About five years ago, Gym Sportsbar opened on Eighth Avenue between 18th and 19th Streets. Like most of Chelsea, Gym on a Thursday evening will greet you with a sea of gay men. However, a growing number of women feel right at home with the boys.

Whether heterosexual companions, lesbians or curious passers-by, women are welcomed in no matter what the vibe or trend in the gay-male-dominated Chelsea.

“We do have lesbians [who] are hardcore fans of the bar…we have women who do or don’t come here for the sports…but all are about having a good time with their friends, as this is a gay bar,” says Juan Bonilla, Gym Sportsbar bartender/manager.

Regardless of sexual or gender orientation, Gym Sportsbar welcomes any customer who doesn’t mind a sporty, tipsy and friendly gay male crowd. Women are known to enjoy the bar for the friendly, no-drama atmosphere, and, according to Bonilla, it keeps the boys and the girls coming back for more. “We’re not one of those bars that needs to put on a façade to show people a good time,” he says.

For the gays and lesbians who like their drinks further downtown, and often with a few more women, Cubbyhole is a comfy and well-known getaway promising the gay community in the West Village a good time. Although started as a women’s bar in 1994—and still home away from home for many lesbians—it’s lauded for having an atmosphere where anyone can walk in and make a new friend. This nature of openness is exactly how owner Tanya Saunders likes the Cubbyhole story told.

“As long as you’re friendly, everyone is welcome,” says Saunders. “Whether you are a movie star, new to town or a softball dyke, we are everybody here and you are us. That’s who I am and that’s what I want for this bar. If you are walking around outside, my staff will come up to you and invite you in. It’s who we are.”

Cubbyhole regular Michael Corrente also noted the bar as a place for friends, gay or lesbian. “I am proud to be a gay man, but I am also proud of my friends, many of whom happen to be lesbian…when we go out somewhere I want to be able to get into the places I’m meeting them at…I’ve never had a problem at the Cubbyhole. I go right in and they’re great.”

Corrente notes that both gay and lesbian bars have refused to serve him and his mixed group of friends, rejections he feels have been made on the basis of their gender.

In an effort to keep spaces “safe,” several bars and lounges serving both LGBT clientele have based entry to their establishments on whether a patron’s gender fits that of the crowd. Lesbians looking to have fun with their gay male friends have been turned down or let into bars but barely served, while some lesbian bars will not permit entry to males, gay or straight.

The message of exclusivity at gay and lesbian bars speaks clearly to the suffering of each group in a straight world and their common history of seeking places where they could be free of judgment. But what message does it send to our larger community? What validation does it offer as support for each other and for the success of gay and lesbian rights?

Corrente, who along with his friends is often teased with comments and playful nicknames concerning his close platonic ties across lesbian and gay lines, finds this exclusivity disconcerting. “It’s really sad and it makes you not want to go in [to a bar] at all, even if your friends talk to the person at the door,” he says of not being able to enter a party his friend once had at a well-known gay bar in the Village. “The point of being out [at night] is to be with your friends.”

Outside of the bars, Corrente and other heterosocial pals know that, whether gay or lesbian, they can meet up on the court or on the fields on some of New York’s gay sports leagues. Among the leagues Corrente belongs to that claim an open atmosphere is Big Apple Dodgeball (BAD). BAD’s mission is to “create an all-gay dodgeball league of balanced numbers,” according to the league’s commissioner, Vanessa Villanova.

The goal of the league is to sponsor teams through local LGBTQI-friendly businesses in order to encourage LGBTQI (I is for “intersex”) individuals to play dodgeball in a competitive and fun atmosphere.

Slowly but surely, the league has been recruiting an increasing number of women, balancing out the league’s 100 gay men.

“The men in our league are absolutely astounding, because they all get it,” says Villanova of the close rapport between gay and lesbian teammates. “They love the girls. They go out of their way to make the girls feel welcome. That’s something that I’m so proud of, because there are not that many spaces where you can throw a bunch of lesbians into the mix and get such a warm reception.”

Villanova predicts that with a league like BAD, starting with 60 people and now pushing 18 different teams of 200, equal numbers of gay men and lesbians can be achieved. If that happens, Big Apple Dodgeball would be the first league in New York to achieve a balanced number of gay men and lesbians all playing together on each other’s teams. “We are constantly changing but always attracting the same type of people, and that’s what we want to maintain,” she says. Not surprisingly, both Gym Sportsbar and Cubbyhole are sponsors of BAD.

One more ever-growing spot where gay men and lesbians as well as trans people seem to be mixing it up is on the dance floor. We spoke to two of the three promoters responsible for “That’s My Jam,” a queer mixed dance party in Brooklyn’s, boasting diversity across race, gender, nationality and musical indulgence. “There’s no pressure with us,” says co-creator DJ Tikka. “If you like to be around great people, and if you like to listen to music you can dance to, then you are going to have fun with us.” With less than two years under its belt the monthly dance party boasts up to 600 people at the Bell House in the Gowanus area at the edge of Park Slope in Brooklyn.

When asked what brings so many bodies of different gender identities and attractions out to Brooklyn, TMJ host Trent Brooks says it’s about dance and having fun. With the focus on just having a good time, Brooks concedes that TMJ’s marketing style doesn’t lean towards any one gender-skewed flavor of sexiness but speaks to people’s ability to let go and make new friends while feeling out a groove. “We’re not selling sex at this party. We don’t need to. This is a party where you can come together with different people, see some old friends, make some new ones and have a great time whether sex is on the menu or not.”

Whether describing a party, a sports league or a local bar, “gay” and “lesbian” are no longer the defining categories they once were for queer social spots. Newly out, visiting and long-time gay and lesbian New Yorkers are coming out all over town as friends, teammates and paying customers who want more than just the allure of a same-sex partner to end the night with or a safe space to hang out. They want a connection to our greater queerhood.

Historically the LGBT community came together in order to inspire change, liberate public policies and support each other while fighting against the rigid rules of gender and sexual orientation that had polarized them from the status quo. With the call around the city for bars where you don’t have to worry about getting in, it’s safe to say that exclusivity in the gay community is once again on its way out.