Online Lessons to Live by Courtesy of a Wiener

(Credit: AP Photo/Richard Drew)

BY:

Devin Brown

In light of Dem NY Congressman Anthony Weiner's shocking confessions and the conclusion of the drama that was Weinergate, What's Trending has set up a list of preventative measures that will ensure your public image stays squeaky clean. 

Step 1. Do NOT be a public figure:

If you have a Weiner-like tendency to heat things up online, recognize that, accept it... and then live your life in sexy-cyber-filled obscurity. There is a public interest in what celebrities do. People love to see public figures in trouble; it's what keeps the press alive. So if you can help it, do not be a Congressman and a mistweeted penis won't be the end of the world. But if you are...

Step 2. Do NOT engage in cyber sex:

Basically, keep your virtual snake in its virtual cage. I feel like if you are a married man it shouldn't be that hard, but what can you do? All those, ahem, colorful conversations are out there. Forever. As soon as you finish up your dirty keystrokes, it is a public forum: where you want what, and with whom. If you wouldn't say it to your mother do not immortalize it on the Internet highway. But if you must...

Step 3. Do NOT send naked photos of yourself on public accounts:

ESPECIALLY if your last name is also the name of a private part. I'm looking at you, Ima Sphincter. Sending nude photos of oneself is not the classiest or the best idea. We live in the Internet generation and Weiner can attest that once your wiener is out there, it's staying out there. The permanence of your internet activity is similar to sexy chats, but a picture is a bit worse. As they say a picture is worth a thousand words (or in Weiner's case a thousand words all synonymous with flaccid). But if you feel the absolute need to expose your undercarriage, then the best way is not on public forums. Unless risk and scandal gets your blood flowing it is best to just restrict that kind of communication to more private formats, like maybe not Twitter or Facebook. But if you really have to...

Step 4. Do NOT include your face along with your privates:

This is more Blake Lively inspired, but the point remains the same. Your face is a lot more recognizable than your inappropriate appendages. Just ask Weiner, even he couldn't say with "certitude" whether his own penis was his. But if you really want to...

Step 5. Do NOT lie about your piXXXs:

If you get caught, fess up. People are interested and they will find out. And with "being hacked" as the poster child for dumb lies thanks to Weiner, there are few excuses left. Weiner did to the hacking excuse what the Virgin Mary did with immaculate conception, no one else will be able to use it. But if you do...

Then you are Anthony Weiner and you are in a huge mess.