Fox News Anchors Report Of Apocalypse Today

by Frances Martel

While we’ve got less than an hour to go before the official End of the World begins, but Fox News is already calling this Rapture prediction a dud. Weekend news anchor Gregg Jarrettinstructed viewers to “take another sip of your martini” and comfortably resume life, introducing a report that “no cataclysmic upheavals” had occurred so far and a medical segment on how to deal with the psychological effects of a loved one believing the Rapture would actually happen.

Yes, in fact, it appears that the world is still around after all, despite what Harold Camping, a man with a radio show who spent $100 million to warn people this was happening, said. After a report on all the non-news happening in the world– the Rapture was supposed to begin in New Zealand, and no dice– Fox News brought on a psychologist to try to explain how people could believe this was actually happening, and what to do if you knew someone like this. Calling it “the opposite of faith,” Dr.Henry Cloud explained, noting that it was a search for “rigid, authoritarian, black and white certainty to an uncertain world” that led people to donate money to this cause. He also suggested explaining to a loved one that “just because some crazy leader is wrong doesn’t mean your faith is wrong” is the safest bet to go. Jarrett later popped in to once again recommend cocktails.