May 28, 2016

Sanders Can take Off the Wedding Dress Now - Trump Cancelled

Image result for trump wedding with sanders


At the prospect that Sanders will ignore all protocol and a sense of the fairness he talks about, even though the media was Giddy.  Imagine the ratings bonanza which is all what they live for. Those that believe in Trump’s promises are condemn to live through the disappointment of being suckers.

The media were not the only suckers here. The guy that will do anything to be president really showed to those in the DNC if they had doubts and those who thought Sanders would keep promises after he is bitching that the DNC is bad,  just like Trump and the RNC. He said they rigged the game, the game he is won. Everyone is bad when they are loosing instead of looking in the mirror. 

 Sanders doesn’t take it that way and he had shown it. He will do what ever. He is not a Democrat even though he has been insisting he be treated like one by the DNC. He is just being like every single Independent candidate that I can remember since Clinton and the short little billionaire (Perot) Running third place against Bill Clinton. It’s uncanny the similarities between Perot and Trump. Billionaires both  coming from big business and thinking because they are bastards in their field they can come in yell and say some things they don’t know what it means themselves and they have everyone eating out of their hands. For a while and depending on brain power it ;sat until the elections but eventual riga-mortis sets in and you have paralysis. Then there was the respectable Ralph Nader who destroyed the party and gave us Bush and the things Bush gave us.

This office has some magic or curse to it that when a candidate feels he might have a real shot and then see it disappeared it mades them go kind of mad, unbalanced. They forget their families, their friends their commitments (Rubio said it),  promises and reality that you don’t win the white house if you are the spoiler. The spoiler gives it to the other guy. The party who never helped the spoiler and the spoiler said it would be a grave mistake if they were elected but on they go to helping them win by holding the votes or delegates.

It took some advisors quietly talking to the RNC that they been warned by some in the Democratic party that if the nominee held a debate with the loosing candidate and ignore the candidate it would be a slapped in the face to all.  This does not get done and evenTrump nor Sanders can’t change all the rules. In the lo g run this would have hurt Trump and no benefit in return except the cameras he loved and that is why he said yes the first time around. This just doesn’t get done like this!              The democrats know how to bitch slop also and there were going to be opportunities that the GOP would like to do something their way but the door would be close, except for slapping.
Donald Trump says that he won't debate Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders after all. 
'Based on the fact that the Democratic nominating process is totally rigged and Crooked Hillary Clinton and Deborah Wasserman Schultz will not allow Bernie Sanders to win, and now that I am the presumptive Republican nominee, it seems inappropriate that I would debate the second place finisher," he said in a statement. 
Trump, who had said that he would participate in a debate only if it raised more than $10 million for a women's health charity, also complained that networks offering to host the event were "not proving to be too generous to charitable causes." 
Trump's statement was released minutes after Sanders campaign manager Jeff Weaver said that the Vermont senator was "prepared to accept" a proposal from one of two networks to host the unorthodox debate between Trump and Sanders, who badly trails Hillary Clinton in the delegate count. 
Weaver suggested in his statement that both network offers included "a major contribution to charity." 
Sanders said Friday he hopes the debate happens. 
"In recent days, Donald Trump has said he wants to debate, he doesn't want to debate, he wants to debate and, now, he doesn't want to debate," Sanders said in a statement. "Given that there are several television networks prepared to carry this debate and donate funds to charity, I hope that he changes his mind once again and comes on board." 
Both candidates had embraced the idea of a debate earlier in the week, suggesting that it should be held in a stadium and making little secret of their hopes for record-smashing ratings for the event. 
For her part, Clinton derided the idea as a "joke" and said her focus would be on debating Trump in the fall. 
Trump is now singing a similar tune, saying "as much as I want to debate Bernie Sanders - and it would be an easy payday — I will wait to debate 

Chronicle of Obama’s Visit to Hiroshima then Nuclear Devastated

Imagine Trump walking around with that football(Nuclear Codes)
Image result for hiroshima bombing                                                                                

Barack Obama visited Hiroshima Friday, making him the first U.S. president to do so. During his brief speech, Obama called for an end to senseless wars and shared his hope for a world without nuclear weapons.
Below is a timeline chronicling the events that make Obama's visit to Hiroshima so significant. Also included are visualizations detailing nuclear weapon statistics by country.

Aging Should Not Be The Cause for Gays to Go back to The Closet

Gay woman
Nancy ValverdSean Culligan/OZY
Nancy Valverde pulls out her jingling set of keys and unlocks one, two, three padlocks attached to thick silver chains on the door to her apartment. “They didn’t like lesbians” in her old East L.A. neighborhood, she says. Today, the 83-year-old finally feels at home at Triangle Square, a low-income housing development built especially for LGBT seniors. But having spent her whole life fighting to be herself — complete with stints in jail for wearing pants — she just can’t give up those locks.

If Valverde isn’t quite used to the idea of a safe space, one can forgive her — not least because the phenomenon of residences for gay seniors is proving a juggernaut. By some counts, there are more than 500 homes throughout the country, from liberal New Mexico to the more conservative woods of South Carolina, and demand is expected to surge: By 2030, there will be six million LGBT Americans over the age of 65, double the number now, according to the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. 

Though the residences fall along the economic spectrum, from pricey, upscale setups to government-funded facilities like Valverde’s, there’s little doubt they’re a boon for LGBT seniors. To move into “mixed” elderly homes, some fear, would shove them back into a culture that regarded homosexuality as sinful, illegal or bizarre. “We want to provide a place where our LGBT seniors can talk candidly about their lives and don’t have to be forced back into the closet,” says Tripp Mills, deputy director of the Los Angeles LGBT Center’s senior services. 

But the fledgling industry has some hurdles to overcome. Supply and demand are often mismatched, with some spaces difficult to fill up and others with thousand-person waiting lists. Marketing can be dicey too, since Fair Housing laws prevent the advertising of spaces as LGBT-only. Public housing in urban areas is already scarce, and many object to “set-asides” for certain groups.

Yet the need is there. Elderly people tend to rely on their families, “from driving them to the doctor to shoveling snow from the driveway,” points out Serena Worthington, a director with Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders (SAGE). But gay and lesbian seniors may lack such support. They’re four times less likely to have children than their heterosexual counterparts and twice as likely to live alone, according to the NGLTF. For many in their generation, coming out meant severing family ties. Other seniors may want nothing to do with government-funded homes — after all, they grew up in an era when laws criminalized their love lives.

But interviews with about a dozen residents suggest that those who do come to LGBT facilities find a kind of family they never had — one based on shared experiences and common understanding. Traditional elder-care homes are often fraught with homophobic encounters, they said, and economic discrimination in the form of skewed pricing and availability, according to studies. “We can have any conversation we want here and you just can’t do that in mixed groups,” says 76-year-old Jim Croyley, a former teacher who lives at Stonewall Gardens, an elegantly appointed private LGBT living community in Palm Springs.
We’re sitting at the communal lunch table, eating barbecue chicken and drinking tea, and the conversation is easy, full of laughter and teasing. For Matt Wilkinson, who is HIV-positive, the levity is particularly poignant. At his previous facility, he was advised not to disclose his status to other residents, and when one man found out, he refused to eat in the same dining hall as Wilkinson. “Older generations of straight people are not as well-versed in the mechanics of the disease as the gay community is,” Wilkinson says. At Stonewall, all of that is in the open — health, romantic histories, aversions to football.

But as sunny a paradise as Stonewall seems, with happy-hour outings to Toucan’s next door and palm trees dotting the courtyard, is not cheap — one-bedrooms start at $4,200. And the facility is struggling. Only 11 of the 21 units are occupied. Other posh private facilities are in similar straits. Fountaingrove Lodge, in Santa Rosa, California, is pivoting away from LGBT customers to earn more revenue. Senior facilities can be expensive: Many of these developments take years and upward of $20 million to launch. While Stonewall’s housing developer is committed to the long haul, other properties might not be so lucky.

Low-income housing faces the opposite problem: There aren’t nearly enough rooms to go around for all the LGBT seniors who want them. That’s especially true in urban areas. Once safe havens for gay mavericks, cities now face skyrocketing rents and scarce public housing. Take 55 Laguna, an LGBT-friendly residence in San Francisco. It received over 5,000 inquiries for 110 units. Triangle Square, back in Hollywood, has an ongoing 3,000-plus person wait list. Ed De Hay, a 79-year-old who was priced out of his apartment after his partner passed away, waited for five years until a spot opened up. “This is my family now,” De Hay says, referring to Valverde and the other residents at Triangle Square.

De Hay and Valverde are bonded together by more than their sexual orientation. The loss of their life partners left them alone until they found one another, they tell me — a friendship built on shared experiences in love and loss. Today, Valverde says she feels comfortable at her apartment knowing she is home. She might still carry a giant ring of keys, but now she has others to watch her back.

May 27, 2016

Dad Gets Attacked for Taking 5 Yr.Old to Bathroom

Christopher Adams with his 5-year-old daughter, Emery, and 7-year-old son, Kyler. KSL

A Utah father taking his young children to the bathroom at a Wal-Mart ended in violence after he was punched in the face by another customer allegedly over taking his 5-year-old daughter with him to the men's room. 

Christopher Adams was on a family trip to buy blinds and storage bins at a Wal-Mart in the city of Clinton over the weekend when his two children, 7-year-old Kyler and 5-year-old Emery, had to use the restroom, he told NBC affiliate KSL. 

Christopher Adams with his 5-year-old daughter, Emery, and 7-year-old son, Kyler. KSL
Adams said he took his son and daughter with him into the men's restroom when a confrontation ensued. 

"This guy walks in and goes to the bathroom, the urinal, and then he just like turns to me and starts freaking out and dropping the f-bomb," Adams said. "And what he was freaking out about was that my daughter was in the men's bathroom." 

Adams said the other man told him he thought Emery's presence in the restroom was inappropriate and started to shove him. 

"When I turned back around, I got sucker punched," he said. 

Adams said he was punched in the face and kicked in the knee multiple times before he was able to force his assailant out of the restroom. 

"I just slammed him to the ground and just held him until associates from Wal-Mart could get there," Adams the distraught dad added. 

Clinton Police Lt. Shawn Stoker said the individual who was "determined to be the aggressor" was cited at the scene. 

The man, who police declined to name, was cited for disorderly conduct and the city attorney was screening a potential assault charge, according to KSL. 

"This is a situation where a father felt the most reasonable and safe thing for him to do was to take his children inside the restroom with him," Stoker told the station. 

The other customer "took exception to that," he said. 

"I want him to understand that he was in the wrong," Adams added. “The way he handled the situation was completely wrong — I just think it's ridiculous."

Trump’s 5 State Strategy for General Election



Here's a key part of Donald Trump general-election strategy: He plans to focus on about 15 states, including some where Republican nominees don't often campaign.
"We have to win, and I want my energy to be put into the states where it could go either way," Trump said at a rally here on Thursday evening. "And we're going to play heavy, as an example, in California. Now no other Republican -- they wouldn't even go to dinner in California. They wouldn't do it."
But that means Trump won't be returning to Montana, which he described as "very much a Republican stronghold." Trump said that as he drove from the airport to the rally site, he passed a number of people who cheered him on. He took that as a signal that he has this state locked down and doesn't need to spend much more time here. The crowd seemed to take the news well and one man in the crowd shouted that he had Trump's back.
So which states will Trump target? California. Ohio, where he plans to spend a lot of money. Michigan. New York, his home state which was once represented by Democratic front-runner Hillary Clinton in the U.S. Senate. Florida, where he owns several golf resorts and a private club where he often lives. And Virginia, which is also home to a Trump golf course.
The Associated Press, which tracks each candidate's delegate tallies and the commitment of delegates, announced Thursday that Trump had exceeded 1,237 -- the number needed to secure the Republican nominate. He is expected to be formally installed as the nominee at the party's convention in Cleveland in July.
Trump said that his strength as a candidate is sometimes misunderstood and that his vote percentages in many states would have been even higher if he didn't have so many Republican rivals.
"We don't get enough credit," Trump said at the rally. "I say 'we' because we're like a group. We won today. We won — not me, we all won today."

LA.Enacts Hate Crime Law for Cops[Violence vs.Cops All Time Low]

Image result for hate crimes cops

Crimes against police are the most severely punished in all 50 states and most countries but someone in Louisiana which is one of the states that have always had problems protecting the elderly, gays, Transexuals, blacks, bi racial minorities, have now made the police another minority.

 However this minority carry guns and more. It has the power of the government behind it plus the credibility of the courts and the most severe crimes from something as simple as resisting arrest and as serious as murder. On the other hand when someone is injured by the police the injured or family of disease face an almost unscalable mountain not just for justice but many times just for monetary damages to cover some of the expenses. Almost all of the cases never reach a jury. 

It is right and just that the penalties are high for crimes against law enforcement and if a legislature believes they should be higher then they should be. But by putting police or any other governmental institution in the same field as a gay man beaten to a pulp just because he is gay or a senior citizen because they are senior citizens and thus easy prey then the classification stops in helping deterrence of this crime. As you include any government agency,  be the Police, IRS or FBI you obscure the reason and the effectivity of hate crime law.
If one knows takes into account the result of this law and the fight against hate crime and equal rights persist, would a homophobic, racist bias law maker have introduced it to dilute the LGBT and others putting Police Squarely Vs. equal rights in Louisiana and others that will pursue the same route? Noh! Really? This law is not intended to fight crime against cops and police ing would be made more difficult with resentment from minorities.  How does that helps?

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein

Yesterday late afternoon 
New York Times reported on this story:

Hate crime statutes originated as a response to bigotry, a special penalty for singling people out for abuse based on factors like race, ethnicity, sex, religion, sexual orientation or, most recently, gender identity. On Thursday, Louisiana became the first state to add law enforcement officers to that list.

A bill signed into law by Gov. John Bel Edwards on Thursday set off a debate over whether the measure was really needed to protect officers, or whether, as civil rights groups charged, it was an effort to dilute the basic meaning of hate crimes and to undermine the movement protesting the use of force by the police. A similar bill is pending in Congress.

The action comes at a time of fierce national debate over policing and race. High profile deaths of African- Americans in the hands of police — from Michael Brown in Ferguson, Mo., to Eric Garner in New York City — have prompted intense criticism of law enforcement. That criticism has come in street demonstrations and on social media, spawning the Black Lives Matter movement. Some law enforcement groups have charged that those protests have led to an increase in attacks on police officers, though there is little data to support that. Still, some supporters of law enforcement have adopted the slogan, “Blue Lives Matter.”

“I’ve read various accounts of people who I would say were employing a deliberate campaign to terrorize our officers,” said state Representative Lance Harris, the Republican author of the Louisiana measure. “I just wanted to give an extra level of protection to the people who protect us.”

Ernest L. Johnson, Sr., president of the Louisiana branch of the N.A.A.C.P., countered, saying, “Hate crimes law is based upon a history of discrimination against certain groups of people, and a bill like this just tries to water down that reality, because there is not a history of discrimination against police and firefighters.”

“The men and women who put their lives on the line every day, often under very dangerous circumstances are true heroes and they deserve every protection that we can give them,” said Mr. Edwards, a Democrat whose family ties to law enforcement run broad and deep. His brother, Daniel, is the sheriff in Tangipahoa Parish; another brother, Frank, is the police chief of Independence, a town in the parish; and their father, grandfather and great-great-grandfather were also sheriffs in Tangipahoa.

William J. Johnson, executive director of the National Association of Police Organizations, an alliance of officers’ unions, lauded the bill. “I think it’s fair to say that officers are under attack nationwide, and this is a reasonable response,” he said. 

But violence against police officers stands near an all-time low, according to data kept by the F.B.I. and private groups. In recent years, homicides have been less than half as common as they were in the 1970s, when there were far fewer officers. In 2015, 41 officers on duty were “feloniously killed,” a category that excludes accidental deaths, the second-lowest figure in the last 60 years; the lowest was in 2014.

So far this year, 20 officers have been fatally shot while on duty, according to the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial Fund. That is up from 16 at the same point last year, but it is a pace that would still make 2016 one of the least deadly years on record.

Mr. Harris, Mr. Johnson and others have cited two fatal incidents in particular. Last August, Darren H. Goforth, a Harris County sheriff’s deputy, was shot to death in Cypress, Tex., as he was getting gas for his patrol car; and in December 2014, the New York City police officers Wenjian Liu and Rafael Ramos were shot to death as they sat in a patrol car in Brooklyn.

In each case, law enforcement officials attributed the killings to hatred of the police. The leader of a police union in New York blamed Mayor Bill DeBlasio, who had voiced sympathy for protests against police killings, for the shooting there. The Harris County sheriff, Ron Hickman, said anti-law-enforcement speech, which he linked to Black Lives Matter, had promoted the killling of officers; a statement he later said he regretted, though he said he still believed that Deputy Goforth had bee targeted.

The assailant in New York had made it clear that he intended to kill officers in retaliation for the killings of black men, but in the Texas case, officials have not said what evidence they have about a motive. Both gunmen had histories of severe mental illness.

“Perception matters, and low-frequency, high-impact events drive perception,” whether that means viral video of a shooting by an officer, or violence against an officer, said Jim Bueermann, president of the Police Foundation, a national group that researches and advises law enforcement. “Police officers believe that the odds have increased that they will be assaulted and ambushed and attacked, even though the numbers may not support that,” he said.

Louisiana, like many states, already had a law that increased penalties for crimes committed against emergency responders. The hate crimes statute, which is separate, provides that up to five more years can be added to the prison sentence of a person who is convicted of a felony if the court finds that the victim was chosen based on prejudice against certain groups.

Mr. Harris noted that among the criteria already in the law were “membership or service in, or employment with, an organization.” That meant, he said, that adding law enforcement officers and firefighters simply makes explicit what was already implied.

The Louisiana bill caused few ripples until it was close to becoming law; some of the groups now lined up in favor and against it were not aware of it until a few days ago. It passed Louisiana’s Republican-controlled House on a 92 to 0 vote. In the Republican-controlled Senate, it passed 33 to 3. Mr. Harris said he never expected it to draw much attention, but this week he said he had fielded calls on it from around the country.

Allison Padilla-Goodman, director of the Anti-Defamation League for the region that includes Louisiana, said hate crimes laws originated because crimes motivated by bias were often brushed off, but “there is zero confusion that a crime against a cop gets treated very seriously.”

She added, “Hate crimes are about an identity-based bias, an immutable characteristic that a person cannot change. Adding a professional category changes and confuses the meaning of that.”

Mr. Bueermann, a former police chief of Redlands, Calif., said that covering officers under hate crimes laws “can reinforce the notion that hatred of a group because of who they are has no place in our society, which is good,” but it should be coupled with holding officers to higher standards of conduct.

He cautioned that the law’s supporters had opened a new debate that could go in directions they might not like.

“At some point, someone might suggest that abortion physicians should also be protected,” he said, “that if you are hunted down because of your profession, whatever the profession, that should be a hate crime.”

‘Human Error’Determined in The Padres Gay Men’s Chorus incident

Last Saturday, as part of the "Out at the Ballpark" festivities at Petco Park, the Padres invited the San Diego Gay Men's Chorus to sing the National Anthem prior to a game against the Dodgers. The choir accepted the offer, but, just as they were about to begin performing, a recording of a woman singing the anthem played instead.
Here's video of the incident:
The choir was not given the opportunity to perform and some members claim they were heckled as they left the field.
The Padres issued a brief apology, which the chorus found to be inadequate. The team later determined nothing malicious had happened, though they terminated the employee responsible for the anthem mishap. The chorus asked the team to rehire that employee, however.
MLB invested the incident, and, on Thursday, they announced it was the result of "human error." Here is the league's statement:
Major League Baseball announced today that it has completed its investigation into the unfortunate events of Saturday, May 21st, when members of the San Diego Gay Men's Chorus had been scheduled to perform the Star-Spangled Banner before the Padres' "Pride Night" home game against the Los Angeles Dodgers at Petco Park. The review, which was conducted by MLB's Department of Investigations, included a dozen interviews with individuals who were involved in the situation.
The Department of Investigations has concluded that the San Diego Gay Men's Chorus has performed the Star-Spangled Banner multiple times before a Padres game; that Saturday's regrettable situation was a product of human error; that the situation was exacerbated by the fact that the lead entertainment supervisor was involved in a car accident on Friday night and thus was unable to work on Saturday and handle his typical responsibilities; that employees involved in the matter were handling new duties with which they were insufficiently familiar; and that the employees involved had no malicious intentions and, in fact, universally relayed contrition for how the incident unfolded and the adverse impression that it created.
MLB received the full cooperation of Padres management, which expressed its deepest apologies. MLB believes that the Padres' efforts to remedy the situation, including its invitation to the Chorus to return to a future game to perform the National Anthem, are appropriate and has every expectation that the Club's longstanding record of inclusion will be evident in the future.
As unfortunate as this situation is, it's good to hear there was no malicious intent. It was a mistake, plain and simple. Hopefully the Padres and the Chorus can move forward with their relationship.

CBS Sports Writer

Mike Axisa joined CBS Sports in 2013. He has been a member of the BBWAA since 2015 and has previously written about both fantasy baseball and real life baseball for,,,... FULL BIO

Report Released Turkey’s Human Rights Violations on the LGBT Community

DHA photo
DHA photo
The Kaos Gay and Lesbian Cultural Research and Solidarity Association (Kaos GL) has published an annual report monitoring human rights violations based on sexual orientation and gender identity, calling on the Turkish state to adopt anti-discriminatory measures to prevent hate crimes against LGBT individuals that remain largely unreported by media and security authorities. 

Noting that the findings of the report were based on crimes that were only reported in local media, Kaos GL announced that five hate murders, 32 hate attacks, two cyber-attacks and three suicide cases were reflected in the press in 2015.

Fifteen of the hate attacks were committed by more than one person while there was alleged police involvement in two of the attacks. Twelve were committed with sharp objects, two involved the use of firearms and one featured arson.

The report criticized discriminatory rhetoric and practices adopted by politicians and state institutions, calling on the Turkish Republic to implement the necessary regulations to fulfill its international responsibilities on human rights.

Accordingly, four of the nine cases of hate speech that were reported in the media were uttered by political figures, namely, President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, then-Prime Minister Ahmet Davutoğlu, then-Deputy PM Yalçın Akdoğan and Interior Minister Efkan Ala.

In their remarks, the aforementioned politicians targeted an LGBT deputy candidate from the Peoples’ Democratic Party (HDP), Barış Sulu, and slammed the same party’s political promises on LGBT rights and the legalization of gay marriages.

The report also slammed a crackdown by Istanbul police on the LGBT Pride Parade in June 2015 with tear gas and water cannon, saying it transformed the hatred against LGBTs into a “call for massacre,” as politicians also added fuel to the flames.

The violent crackdown was preceded by an Islamist group called the “Young Islamic Defense” which pinned posters to walls and lamp posts in Ankara, threatening gays with death.

“Should those who engage in ugly behavior and adhere to the practice of the people of Lot be killed?” read posters that appeared in the Turkish capital overnight, referring to Lot, who features in the Old Testament and the Quran. Many Muslims believe that the decline of the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah stemmed from the sexual preferences of their inhabitants.

Kaos GL concluded the report by listing its legal demands, including the implementation of constitutional guarantees against hate crimes, the launch of an efficient campaign against the use of hate speech by politicians, the clarification of “infamous crimes” to strictly inhibit its anti-LGBT interpretation and an end to the Turkish Armed Forces’ categorization of prospective LGBT soldiers as people with a “gender identity disorder.”

The association also urged the introduction of training schemes prepared in collaboration with civil society organizations to ensure that members of the security forces do not resort to homophobic, transphobic and discriminatory practices.

A Lady Killer but Gay?

Image result for steven gaines author

This story can be mine or so many other gay men. I decided to go with this lady killer because of the changes he has undergone thru the years. Some of us work to keep our bodies  in a state of harmony with nature and who we were and still are. Others possibly because they have done well or not too well have decided to put that in Al Gores’ lock box and by the time they opened it someone else came creeping out. Yes! Everyone is responsible for their choices and that is why I will go no further on this topic. That is a subplot in my introducing this true story(according to Steven Gaines). The real story here is how ladies, girls tend to go for gay guys sometimes marrying them even if they have questionable friends or questionable habits, like getting out of bed in the middle of the night to go for a walk because they can’t sleep. I think is more than looks that make a woman go for a gay guy and that is trust(?) or I should say better, chemistry and being able to talk from how which panties they should choose to how to handle a problem at  work to how crazy people are to back Trump. 
This is a boring story unless you get the meaning behind it and that is why I took the chance to publish it. I was amazed that someone who is actually a great writer would go into this self serving story until I saw his reasoning. A book is coming.
 My reasoning is different and is just to point out once again the qualities of many gay men. The best listeners and the best husbands be in gay or straight marriage are those that spend a little time in the closet. When they come out of the straight marriage because their secret is out they bring a sense of loyalty to the next relationship and an ability to be more patient than others being that they have been on both sides of the coin. 
The jury is still out how this new generation of young male brides is going to be. Are they getting married because is now available and the mystic behind it, for some I am sure. But how is the core of these new marriages. I have a feeling that regardless how faithful or not those marriages are they will stay married longer that the straight counter part precisely for that reason. It was something denied so now available to have and hold it has more substantive value.
Hope you leave me some input so I know if this was relevant to you or not. By the way the picture of the guy up there is not Steven (no such luck for Steven)
Steven Gaines published the below story on NY Magazine  ln their new segment Beta Male and me? Im your Publisher (and yes Im in shape which means weight commensurate with height and age. A good nutritionist will tell you that being weight down by muscles does not decrease your chances of a coronary  or heart attack but actually is increased if human hormones are taken) 
When I was 15 years old, I set out on a quest to cure my homosexuality with a Freudian analyst, who promised I could be heterosexual. He said that not only would I begin to desire women, but I would eventually no longer be attracted to men. This sounded like a pretty good deal to me back in 1962, when my kind were referred to as homos and fairies, and there was nobody around to say it gets better. Given a choice of homo or “normal,” I chose normal.
The psychiatrist wasn’t an ogre; he was a good person who saw that I was suffering with my fate and offered me hope. He convinced me that Socratic analysis could cure my homosexuality if I wanted it enough, therapy’s shameless equivocation. I went to this well-meaning psychiatrist for over 13 years, sometimes four days a week, lying on a sofa facing a print of Bosch’s Garden of Earthly Delights, free associating and interpreting dreams, in search of the roots of my sexual aberration.
The key element of my therapy was to regularly have sex with women. It was like any other doctor’s prescriptive: Take one at bedtime. Except that after the first six years of analysis, I was still a virgin at age 21, with either men or women. I had never seen a vagina up close in person. My only exposure to the recesses of the female body was from the dirty pictures my father kept in the back of his top drawer wrapped in a brown paper bag. And from those blurry photos, taken in the 1940s and ’50s, the big bushy vaginas didn’t look too alluring.
It was only when my analyst threatened that analysis could go no further until I slept with a woman that I enlisted the help of a slightly older, pretty fashion illustrator, who was flattered to be asked to introduce me to the mysteries of a woman’s body. When I shared the impending loss of my virginity with a wealthy friend, he offered to pay for two adjoining hotel rooms in Philadelphia. For some reason he believed that my being away from New York would make the situation more relaxed, and if it turned out I couldn’t have sex with my fashion-illustrator friend, it would be less embarrassing if I had my own room to which to retreat — I suppose to weep with humiliation at my failure.
But that’s not what happened. If consummation was my goal, then my lovemaking was a success, but of course in reality it was not lovemaking. It was more like “show and tell.” It mortified me to have my own body noticed and touched, although I responded like any 21-year-old to oral sex. The fearsome vagina up close neither thrilled nor repelled. It was okay, but I was disconcerted by the new tastes and fragrances, and the occasional suction sound the vagina made during intercourse. I had never considered before that someone might pass gas during sex, and I was so uptight that I wasn’t amused when it happened to her and me. Cunnilingus, at which it turned out I excelled, was nevertheless a dark and smothering experience.
Nevertheless, losing my virginity was a big step forward in my cure, and encouraged by my analyst that I would learn to love the vagina, I began a succession of affairs with women over the next five or six years while abstaining from sex with men. Since I approached the whole sexual thing as more of a tourist than a native, I became a connoisseur of the female body the way a Jew appreciates the Vatican. It was a matter of responsibility to be a tender, satisfying partner, so I performed all of the obligatory sexual acts in appropriate order. (Petit déjeunerdéjeuner, and diner.)
In pursuit of love through sex, as the writer J.R. Ackerley put it, I would bed a woman for three or four months and then wander off when things began to get serious. Many of the women I dated were in search of a lifetime companion and progenitor, and I felt like a cad. It was a depressing and guilty time for me. I was pretending to be earnest in my affections when it was really a science project. I was leading these women on because I knew in my heart I was a dead end, and when I moved on it was heartache, sometimes for them and always for me.
It wasn’t hard for me to get laid once I started to try. I liked women, and they liked me. I was an early version of a 1970s metrosexual, good haircut, nice clothes, knew all the cool restaurants — and I wrote a pop-culture column for a major metropolitan newspaper. But more important, when straight guys hit on women there’s some underlying hunter-and-prey chemistry, and my sub rosa indifference was a turn-on. One night, at a trendy Columbus Avenue restaurant, I met a spectacular young woman through mutual friends. Let’s call her “Smithy” and disguise other identifying details, except that she had black hair and hazel eyes and the tiniest space between her front teeth that I found a charming flaw. I thought she was one of the most beautiful women I had seen since Julie Christie in Darling. She was the daughter of a stockbroker, went to Brown, and was finishing up her second year at Columbia Law School, after which she wanted to be a public defender. She was clever, too. After one drink she asked me if I was gay. “I’m not gay,” I said. “Why, do I act like I’m gay?” She gave me a suspicious look, so I took her back to my ramshackle townhouse on West 11th Street to prove my manhood. I was prepared to roll out my well-rehearsed sexual repertoire; instead I went off autopilot. It was intense and dirty.
Smithy raised the stakes on my quest. With Smithy sex was different, uninhibited — at a time when we weren’t yet inundated by millions of examples of sexual peccadillos on the internet. The next time I saw her she gave me a set of new sheets. “If this is going to continue we can’t have sex on Dudley Do-Right sheets,” she said. She gave me a nickname, too, the first time I had a petit nom d’amour: “Cowhead.” I was smitten. Love, sex, and status in the same package. Maybe therapy was working. With encouragement from my therapist, I made myself believe she was myfuture.
After a few months of dating I was invited to meet her family at their weekend home in Rye. On the way up on the train with Smithy, I fantasized about how I would become a part of the family, how I would charm them into approving of me, and how I would marry their smart daughter who was a lawyer and live happily ever after, financially cushioned by my rich in-laws. I woke up from my reverie when I saw Smithy’s older brother waiting for us at the train station. He was God’s cruel prank, sent to remind me of what was really possible in my life and what was not. Her brother wasSmithy, the same dark hair and hazel eyes, but as an athletic Irish god. I knew the whole day would be hell. I was so deranged by my attraction to him that I couldn’t raise my head for fear of gazing at him too long. To make things exquisitely worse, Smithy’s demon younger brother, a pimply 16-year-old who was onto my game, shot me sideways glances whenever his older brother entered the room. I was uncharacteristically quiet all day, and eventually Smithy took me aside and whispered, “What’s the matter?” I pretended I didn’t know what she was talking about, but I think she knew what the matter was. On some level everybody in the house knew I wasn’t exactly who I said I was.
I never felt as much of a fraud as I did at dinner with the family that night, being sized up by her father, “Call-me-Pete,” who had primate hair on his knuckles and played squash at the New York Athletic Club, because “tennis is for girls,” he said, sipping Macallans neat. I drank too much red wine at dinner, and the low point of the visit came when I choked on a piece of steak and needed the Heimlich maneuver, applied by the handsome brother, who wrapped his arms around me and popped the steak out of my mouth like he was burping a kewpie doll.
Smithy didn’t say much on the way back to New York. I dropped her off in a taxi at her apartment building. We talked on the phone a few times, but her heart wasn’t in it. I thought of telling her I was gay, but she knew, no matter what happened in bed. I saw her on TV 25 years later, a talking head on a cable TV news show. She was a public defender in San Francisco, still just as beautiful, but the space between her front teeth that I liked so much was gone.
After Smithy there were other women I thought I loved, but not completely. And although I enjoyed the intimacy of sex with women, I was driven by nature and design to love a man more. Diligently pleasing a partner is not the same as making love. And making love is not the same as lust. Even psychiatry didn’t claim to know how to make people lust. And lust is the glue of love. Oh yes it is. At least at first.
Steve Gaines: Adapted from One of These Things First, a memoir, which will be published on August 8 by Delphinium Books. Preorder it here.



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