In India: “Never Care Much About Gay rights Until Our Son in Law Turned Out Gay”
I never cared much for LGBT (for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) activists who conducted gay pride parades in some cities. Having been raised in a conservative society I was of the opinion that homosexuality was an inappropriate kind of sexuality. In any case it was a punishable offence under Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code. Moreover, I had no idea about matters to do with sexual orientation.
It was when my husband broke the news that our son-in-law of eight months was gay that suddenly homosexuality became a central problem in my life. The news was hard to take and my whole world came crumbling down. My daughter’s marriage was ruined and the different ramifications of this were hard to grapple with. The reactions and responses of my family members were varied. Some were shocked, and for others it was disbelief. The older generation who had not even heard of homosexuality, wept along with me as if a death had occurred. Many advised us that counselling and treatment could cure him and save the marriage. Many blamed my daughter for her husband’s homosexuality. I went through different emotions ranging from anger, repulsion, disappointment, guilt, shame and rejection. It was a difficult journey, but in the process I learnt a lot about homosexuality and how our society views it.
India has about 2.5 million homosexuals, according to a report submitted to the Supreme Court in 2012. In India, 140,000 gay men are registered with a popular dating site. Eighty per cent of them are between 15 and 30 years of age. However, as a society we have no clue of how to deal with homosexuality.
I feel that our homophobic society should be helped to understand that homosexuality is a complex phenomenon, influenced by many variables, including biological and environmental factors and involving personal choices. It is not a phase, a choice, or something that can be changed through coercion or convincing. There are many theories behind it. In most cases, homosexuals claim that sexual orientation is biologically determined. The conservatives among us think it is fully determined by the environment. Some others claim homosexuality is partially genetic and partially environmental. Another group says people’s sexual desires are shaped by the social and cultural context, and the decision to be a homosexual depends on factors of personal choice. Sigmund Freud believed everyone is constitutionally bisexual. But most of these theories are not empirically supported.
American geneticist Dean Hamer and his colleagues conducted extensive interviews with 76 pairs of homosexual brothers and their family members and found that homosexuality seemed to be inherited through the maternal line. This led him to compare the X chromosomes, which are inherited only from the mother. There he found a shared genetic marker. The precise base pairs that may turn a man into a homosexual could not be identified. Studies have shown that among identical twins (who share the same DNA) if one is homosexual, there is a 50 per cent chance that the other was likely to be one. Among fraternal twins, there was only a 20 per cent chance.
In order to get greater acceptance, LGBT rights activists may argue that homosexuality is a neurobiological phenomenon. Between gay and straight men the anterior hypothalamus has structural differences. According to another theory, sexual orientation is a prenatal process involving both hormonal and neurological factors. If the levels of sex hormones in a foetus of either sex between the second and fifth months of gestation are in the typical female range, the person is likely to be attracted to males after puberty, and vice versa.
Environmental factors comprise of all causes of variation that are not genetic. Most social theorists see childhood elements as the largest contributing factor to homosexuality. Parental encouragement, initiation by homosexuals, chance learning through seduction, physical issues, incongruence with one’s own gender and sexual conditioning may all come under the category of environmental factors. Ray Blanchard, a psychiatric researcher, found in 1996 that men with older brothers were more likely to be gay than those without (33 per cent). Most psychoanalytical theories stress the role of parental and family dynamics.
Our character is the net result of our life experiences and choices, so the individual himself/herself plays a role in determining his or her sexual identity. Both biologists and environmentalists are trying to find support for their theories. The moral police may say it is all environmental.
Research on sexual behaviour is often a dicey proposition as discrepancies do exist between what people say about sex and what they do. Few conclusions can be drawn with certainty from genetic or environmental determinants of sexuality. But one thing is for sure: sexual evolution has generally brought a higher level of acceptance of homosexuality.
My request to all those who feel they have homosexual tendencies is to come out of the closet and discuss the choice with family and friends. You need a secure base from which you can fly; let your family help in that. Do not try to change yourself. Most of all, do not get into a heterosexual marriage in order to try and bring ‘normalcy’ into your life. Be bold and accept your sexual identity.
Parents should recognise and come to terms with the fact that a child is homosexual. Let your child not have to gravitate to others in order to get support. You should have an intimate supportive relationship with him or her. Do not think your child will outgrow the “phase”. Do not try to “fix” children by coercing them into a heterosexual marriage.
Doctors and counselors cannot help them become someone they are not. Treat your children with compassion and care rather than judgment. Let our prejudices not be reason for greater grievances.
reya_ajit@yahoo.com
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