Showing posts with label Straight-Gay Sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Straight-Gay Sex. Show all posts

December 18, 2016

Straight but Love Gay Sex on The Side with Other Straight Men





 
A lot of men have sex with other men but don’t identify as gay or bisexual. A subset of these men who have sex with men, or MSM, live lives that are, in all respects other than their occasional homosexual encounters, quite straight and traditionally masculine — they have wives and families, they embrace various masculine norms, and so on. They are able to, in effect, compartmentalize an aspect of their sex lives in a way that prevents it from blurring into or complicating their more public identities. Sociologists are quite interested in this phenomenon because it can tell us a lot about how humans interpret thorny questions of identity and sexual desire and cultural expectations.

Last year, NYU Press published the fascinating book Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Menby the University of California, Riverside, gender and sexuality professor Jane Ward. In it, Ward explored various subcultures in which what could be called “straight homosexual sex” abounds — not just in the ones you’d expect, like the military and fraternities, but also biker gangs and conservative suburban neighborhoods — to better understand how the participants in these encounters experienced and explained their attractions, identities, and rendezvous. But not all straight MSM have gotten the same level of research attention. One relatively neglected such group, argues the University of Oregon sociology doctoral student Tony Silva in a new paper in Gender & Society, is rural, white, straight men (well, neglected if you set aside Brokeback Mountain).

Silva sought to find out more about these men, so he recruited 19 from men-for-men casual-encounters boards on Craigslist and interviewed them, for about an hour and a half each, about their sexual habits, lives, and senses of identity. All were from rural areas of Missouri, Illinois, Oregon, Washington, or Idaho, places known for their “social conservatism and predominant white populations.” The sample skewed a bit on the older side, with 14 of the 19 men in their 50s or older, and most identified exclusively as exclusively or mostly straight, with a few responses along the lines of “Straight but bi, but more straight.”
Since this is a qualitative rather than a quantitative study, it’s important to recognize that the particular men recruited by Silva weren’t necessarily representative of, well, anything. These were just the guys who agreed to participate in an academic’s research project after they saw an ad for it on Craigslist. But the point of Silva’s project was less to draw any sweeping conclusions about either this subset of straight MSM, or the population as a whole, than to listen to their stories and compare them to the narratives uncovered by Ward and various other researchers.
Specifically, Silva was trying to understand better the interplay between “normative rural masculinity” — the set of mores and norms that defines what it means to be a rural man — and these men’s sexual encounters. In doing so, he introduces a really interesting and catchy concept, “bud-sex”:
Ward (2015) examines dudesex, a type of male–male sex that white, masculine, straight men in urban or military contexts frame as a way to bond and build masculinity with other, similar “bros.” Carrillo and Hoffman (2016) refer to their primarily urban participants as heteroflexible, given that they were exclusively or primarily attracted to women. While the participants in this study share overlap with those groups, they also frame their same-sex sex in subtly different ways: not as an opportunity to bond with urban “bros,” and only sometimes—but not always—as a novel sexual pursuit, given that they had sexual attractions all across the spectrum. Instead, as Silva (forthcoming) explores, the participants reinforced their straightness through unconventional interpretations of same-sex sex: as “helpin’ a buddy out,” relieving “urges,” acting on sexual desires for men without sexual attractions to them, relieving general sexual needs, and/or a way to act on sexual attractions. “Bud-sex” captures these interpretations, as well as how the participants had sex and with whom they partnered. The specific type of sex the participants had with other men—bud-sex—cemented their rural masculinity and heterosexuality, and distinguishes them from other MSM.
This idea of homosexual sex cementing heterosexuality and traditional, rural masculinity certainly feels counterintuitive, but it clicks a little once you read some of the specific findings from Silva’s interviews. The most important thing to keep in mind here is that rural masculinity is “[c]entral to the men’s self-understanding.” Quoting another researcher, Silva notes that it guides their “thoughts, tastes, and practices. It provides them with their fundamental sense of self; it structures how they understand the world around them; and it influences how they codify sameness and difference.” As with just about all straight MSM, there’s a tension at work: How can these men do what they’re doing without it threatening parts of their identity that feel vital to who they are?
In some of the subcultures Ward studied, straight MSM were able to reinterpret homosexual identity as actually strengthening their heterosexual identities. So it was with Silva’s subjects as well — they found ways to cast their homosexual liaisons as reaffirming their rural masculinity. One way they did so was by seeking out partners who were similar to them. “This is a key element of bud-sex,” writes Silva. “Partnering with other men similarly privileged on several intersecting axes—gender, race, and sexual identity—allowed the participants to normalize and authenticate their sexual experiences as normatively masculine.” In other words: If you, a straight guy from the country, once in a while have sex with other straight guys from the country, it doesn’t threaten your straight, rural identity as much as it would if instead you, for example, traveled to the nearest major metro area and tried to pick up dudes at a gay bar. You’re not the sort of man who would go to a gay bar — you’re not gay!
It’s difficult here not to slip into the old middle-school joke of “It’s not gay if …” — “It’s not gay” if your eyes are closed, or the lights are off, or you’re best friends — but that’s actually what the men in Silva’s study did, in a sense:
As Cain [one of the interview subjects] said, “I’m really not drawn to what I would consider really effeminate faggot type[s],” but he does “like the masculine looking guy who maybe is more bi.” Similarly, Matt (60) explained, “If they’re too flamboyant they just turn me off,” and Jack noted, “Femininity in a man is a turn off.” Ryan (60) explained, “I’m not comfortable around femme” and “masculinity is what attracts me,” while David shared that “Femme guys don’t do anything for me at all, in fact actually I don’t care for ’em.” Jon shared, “I don’t really like flamin’ queers.” Mike (50) similarly said, “I don’t want the effeminate ones, I want the manly guys … If I wanted someone that acts girlish, I got a wife at home.” Jeff (38) prefers masculinity because “I guess I perceive men who are feminine want to hang out … have companionship, and make it last two or three hours.”
In other words: It’s not gay if the guy you’re having sex with doesn’t seem gay at all. Or consider the preferences of Marcus, another one of Silva’s interview subjects:
A guy that I would consider more like me, that gets blowjobs from guys every once in a while, doesn’t do it every day. I know that there are a lot of guys out there that are like me … they’re manly guys, and doing manly stuff, and just happen to have oral sex with men every once in a while [chuckles]. So, that’s why I kinda prefer those types of guys … It [also] seems that … more masculine guys wouldn’t harass me, I guess, hound me all the time, send me 1000 emails, “Hey, you want to get together today … hey, what about now.” And there’s a thought in my head that a more feminine or gay guy would want me to come around more. […] Straight guys, I think I identify with them more because that’s kinda, like [how] I feel myself. And bi guys, the same way. We can talk about women, there [have] been times where we’ve watched hetero porn, before we got started or whatever, so I kinda prefer that. [And] because I’m not attracted, it’s very off-putting when somebody acts gay, and I feel like a lot of gay guys, just kinda put off that gay vibe, I’ll call it, I guess, and that’s very off-putting to me.
This, of course, is similar to the way many straight men talk about women — it’s nice to have them around and it’s (of course) great to have sex with them, but they’re so clingy. Overall, it’s just more fun to hang out around masculine guys who share your straight-guy preferences and vocabulary, and who are less emotionally demanding.
One way to interpret this is as defensiveness, of course — these men aren’t actually straight, but identify that way for a number of reasons, including “internalized heterosexism, participation in other-sex marriage and childrearing [which could be complicated if they came out as bi or gay], and enjoyment of straight privilege and culture,” writes Silva. After Jane Ward’s book came out last year, Rich Juzwiak laid out a critique in Gawker that I also saw in many of the responses to my Q&A with her: While Ward sidestepped the question of her subjects’ “actual” sexual orientations — “I am not concerned with whether the men I describe in this book are ‘really’ straight or gay,” she wrote — it should matter. As Juzwiak put it: “Given the cultural incentives that remain for a straight-seeming gay, given the long-road to self-acceptance that makes many feel incapable or fearful of honestly answering questions about identity—which would undoubtedly alter the often vague data that provide the basis for Ward’s arguments—it seems that one should care about the wide canyon between what men claim they are and what they actually are.” In other words, Ward sidestepped an important political and rights minefield by taking her subjects’ claims about their sexuality more or less at face value.
There are certainly some good reasons for sociologists and others to notexamine individuals’ claims about their identities too critically. But still: Juzwiak’s critique is important, and it looms large in the background of one particular segment of Silva’s paper. Actually, it turned out, some of Silva’s subjects really weren’t all that opposed to a certain level of deeper engagement with their bud-sex buds, at least when it came to their “regulars,” or the men they hooked up with habitually:
While relationships with regulars were free of romance and deep emotional ties, they were not necessarily devoid of feeling; participants enjoyed regulars for multiple reasons: convenience, comfort, sexual compatibility, or even friendship. Pat described a typical meetup with his regular: “We talk for an hour or so, over coffee … then we’ll go get a blowjob and then, part our ways.” Similarly, Richard noted, “Sex is a very small part of our relationship. It’s more friends, we discuss politics … all sorts of shit.” Likewise, with several of his regulars Billy noted, “I go on road trips, drink beer, go down to the city [to] look at chicks, go out and eat, shoot pool, I got one friend I hike with. It normally leads to sex, but we go out and do activities other than we meet and suck.” While Kevin noted that his regular relationship “has no emotional connection at all,” it also has a friendship-like quality, as evidenced by occasional visits and sleepovers despite almost 100 miles of distance. Similarly, David noted, “If my wife’s gone for a weekend … I’ll go to his place and spend a night or two with him … we obviously do things other than sex, so yeah we go to dinner, go out and go shopping, stuff like that.” Jack explained that with his regular “we connected on Craigslist … [and] became good friends, in addition to havin’ sex … we just made a connection … But there was no love at all.” Thus, bud-sex is predicated on rejecting romantic attachment and deep emotional ties, but not all emotion.
Whatever else is going on here, clearly these men are getting some companionship out of these relationships. It isn’t just about sex if you make a point of getting coffee, and especially if you spend nights together, go shopping or out to dinner, and so on. But there are sturdy incentives in place for them to not take that step of identifying, or identifying fully, as gay or bi. Instead, they frame their bud-sex, even when it’s accompanied by other forms of intimacy, in a way that reinforces their rural, straight masculinity.
It’s important to note that this isn’t some rational decision where the men sit down, list the pros and cons, and say, “Well, I guess coming out just won’t maximize my happiness and well-being.” It’s more subtle than that, given the osmosis-like way we all absorb social norms and mores. In all likelihood, when Silva’s subjects say they’re straight, they mean it: That’s how they feel. But it’s hard not to get the sense that maybe some of them would be happier, or would have made different life decisions, if they had had access to a different, less constricted vocabulary to describe what they want — and who they are.
Story by  published on New York Magazine

December 13, 2016

How To make A Bed Scene with Gay Sex Virgin Daniel Radcliffe




John Krokidas, Kill Your Darlings
In his first big post-Potter sex scene, Daniel Radcliffe plays the writer Allen Ginsberg as a young college student on a voyage of self-discovery: Obsessed with the beautiful best friend (Dane DeHaan) who strings him along, Ginsberg ultimately strikes out on his own and loses his virginity to a man he meets in a bar.
Growing up with queer films, there was always some sort of stigma attached to gay characters or gay sexuality, and I didn't want the sex scene to feel like that in any way. I wanted the arc of the scene to go from nervousness to a place of pure enjoyment to a realization that this would ultimately become a formidable part of his identity. Allen Ginsberg was one of the most renowned gay artists of the 20th century, and I felt that not including his sexuality as part of the story would be a crime. He wore it unabashedly on his sleeve and helped establish queer sexuality as something you could even talk about in art and literature, so the scene was incredibly important to capture right.
Dan had no issue with doing the scene whatsoever. His only question was, "Just so I know, how naked do you want me to be … movie-naked, or Equus-naked?" I said, "I hate when people block sex scenes in order to play hide-the-genitalia — that feels so forced. So let's just block it, and if it falls into frame, we'll shoot it." But then I remember going, "Oh shit: You're British, and Allen Ginsberg is one of the most famous Jews of the 20th century. On second thought, I don't think we're going to go Equus-naked." And Dan said, "John, my mother's Jewish and I'm circumcised. Play the scene any way you want.” God bless Daniel Radcliffe, he commits to all of his actions.
I knew we needed to nail the blocking. If we got that down and rehearsed it enough times with clothes on, there would be less time having to put two naked men in awkward positions with certain body parts pressed up against each other in a way that would make the actors feel self-conscious. I could tell people were getting a little bit nervous and antsy, so in my attempt to bring some levity to the situation, I said, "Let's do this with stand-ins, and I'll be one of the stand-ins." And I asked Reed Morano, my cinematographer — I was very close to her by that time — to do it with me.
They always say to directors that your actors will follow you if you do whatever you're asking them to do, and ultimately, it was really helpful: By doing it ourselves, we could show the actors exactly what we needed from their blocking … although I thought that when I was the top and Reed was the bottom, it could look a little wrong, gender-wise. So I let her take the dominant position, and in the middle of this blocking, with my legs in the air and Reed on top of me, that was when I really realized we were feigning intercourse in front of our entire crew. We both looked at each other like, Is this the moment we're always going to remember from this set? But it's also the moment that cemented our friendship. Once you've simulated sex with your director of photography, what else do you have to hide from each other?


Photo: A24

Drake Doremus, Equals
In a futuristic world where sex and emotions are verboten, Silas (Nicholas Hoult) feels unfamiliar stirrings that he comes to realize are feelings for his co-worker, Nia (Kristen Stewart). When the two of them finally get together, neither person has so much as kissed someone before, and their first rendezvous is a liberation.
First and foremost, I approach the scene from a voyeuristic standpoint. I'm guiding the actors by making them feel like they're completely liberated and in the moment, so that risks are okay. Rather than saying, “Stand here, touch her here, do this,” it's more of an exploration, and the intention is that they should lose themselves and let the scene sort of take over. If we've done our job right, it should feel like maybe we shouldn't even be there because it’s so intimate and personal.
For Kristen, the direction was pretty simple: You know you can't touch him, you know you can't be touched by him, but then there’s this exhilaration. So it’s a really interesting arc in that scene, and I'll guide those specific beats, but everything in between those moments is completely and utterly about the exploration of getting to those moments. A lot of it has to do with how we schedule the shoot, to be honest. This scene in particular, we'd been shooting for weeks, and they really hadn't touched at all until this moment. The anticipation and the tension boiling over between them just naturally finds its way into the scene, so sometimes you can just schedule things so that they pop at the right time, you know? You want to get something when it's at its fever pitch.
Music is a huge part of it as well. Oftentimes I'll be playing music just before a take if it's a dialogue scene, or even during a take, if sound doesn't matter. I'll just hide a speaker in a cupboard or in a wall and the actors won't even know it's there on the first take, and then all of a sudden, we start rolling, and music will come up. I'm kind of DJing from the monitor, so it's almost as if I'm directing them if they just follow the music, in a way. So there's little tricks and things like that.
I’m more interested in textures and skin and eyes and looks and moments, rather than all-out nudity. To be honest, on my other film, Like Crazy, we shot a lot more explicit stuff and once we got in the edit room, it just didn't find its way in. To me, a love scene isn’t really about the sexual nature of their experience — it’s a lot more about the emotional experience. It’s about realizing what it’s like to fall in love.

Vulture

December 12, 2016

To Some Gays is Repulsive to Others Sex with a Woman is Once Eaten Dish







I want to try sex with a woman. I guess it’s something that’s been niggling at the back of my mind for a few years now. This feeling that, somehow, I don’t want to die not knowing what straight sex is like.

It doesn’t help that almost all of the gay guys I know have had heterosexual encounters and they just love to explain in great detail how they managed to pleasure a woman in spite of their deep-seated feelings of queasy repulsion. Lucky ladies.

Why do so many gay men say sex with a woman is repulsive to them? I just published an interview on my Youtube Channel AndyVision with Jaymi Hensley from Union J who spoke passionately about coming out and supporting the gay community. He also described himself as a ‘gold-star gay’ explaining that he’d never had any sexual encounters with a woman: “I maybe like sit there and throw up in my mouth at the thought of it.”

He wasn’t being offensive, just honest. He’s one of the most secure, confident, happy gay guys I’ve met. But personally, I’m not at all repulsed by any part of a woman’s body, nor have I ever been. True, I’m not particularly drawn to a woman’s body either but I can certainly see why it could be pretty hot to have a tumble with one. Wouldn’t it feel good to sleep with someone whose body nature designed for mine? The truth is, I have no idea. The closest I came to it was the watermelon challenge at the sports club.

I decided to ask my best mate about it. He’d dated a girl for a year at college before coming out. He paused when I put my question to him. “Andy, please tell me you’re not going to have sex with a woman.” I was a bit taken aback. He explained that I’d been going on about it for years and it was a pointless and self-destructive thing to do. “You’re gay and you’re totally happy with men. Isn’t that enough?” Firstly, I don’t get the concept of ‘enough’ and secondly, his argument was verging on biphobia and I told him so. He sighed as he tends to do when I talk to him. “Andy, you’re not bisexual. I watched you on the tube last week and I saw who you were staring at.” Who? “Pretty much all of the guys and literally none of the girls. Listen, sex with a girl can be lovely and it’s not horrible it’s just not that fulfilling.” He paused, anticipating my next question, before volunteering: “It’s kind of… looser and wet.”

Not a great sales pitch, nor can it be an accurate one. He made heterosexual sex sound like wearing a rain mac in Bangor. How many times have I heard gay guys describe sex with a woman as though it’s like putting your bits into a bowl of jelly?

I just don’t buy it. I cannot believe that inserting my penis into a vagina would be less sensory (though perhaps less sensual considering I’m gay) than putting it into a male alternative.

Besides, the descriptions my straight mates give bare little relation to the bowl of jelly scenario. Even thinking about it makes me feel a bit jiggy. I’ve been single for about five months now and, though I’ve not been a nun, I ain’t had none for a while. Surely this is the perfect time to experiment with the other half of the population before I meet the man of my dreams.

But here’s the rub. What if I had sex with a woman and loved it so much it woke something in me? I’d still be attracted to guys more than girls of course. I am not saying for one moment that gay guys can be ‘turned’. But there’s a whole side to my sexuality I’m yet to explore. Perhaps it’s a barren dustbowl with nothing but pubic tumbleweed and flaccid cacti. Then again, it might be Rio De Janeiro.

You might be wondering why, if I have this curiosity, I haven’t probed the issue before. The answer, if I’m to be absolutely honest, is that I grew up very scared of sex. Any sex, with anyone. I’d tried to sleep with girls before I came out and let’s just say my pants were not forthcoming. Then again, I was pretty hopeless with my first guy too.

Now I’m older and so much more comfortable and confident with my body and in bed. Even if I got with a woman and left her disappointed (or relieved) it wouldn’t be the end of the world. That is, as long as she knew I was gay beforehand so expectations were realistic.

I wouldn’t ever want to use a prostitute for a tonne of reasons so I’m not sure how or if it will ever happen. Could I ask a girl friend? Too risky, surely? Maybe I’ll just meet someone somehow at a party and she’ll be up for it! No, she’d have to be sober and I’d have to be very drunk…which would be unhelpful, I’m sure.

Maybe some of you can advise me? Would sex with a woman be too hard or not hard at all? And is it even worth it?

GT
Andy on Twitter – @AndyWestTV  YouTube – youtube.com/c/AndyVisionTV Instagram – @realandywest and Facebook – facebook.com/RealAndyWest

December 1, 2016

In Russia Healthy Living and Family Values is giving them an Increase of Straight HIV Transmission

 Do You Know What Dec.1st is?(Even if You don’t use condoms, now there is no reason to get HIV in many countries, ask me!


or



- For a few weeks in 2012, Yury had a family: His wife, Katya, had given birth to a girl.

But when Yury took his ailing baby daughter to the hospital two months after she was born, he learned that she was HIV positive, and his world began to collapse. After he was tested and came up positive, he said, Katya told him that she had given him the virus -- and had known she had it while pregnant but kept it secret from him out of fear.

A month later, their daughter was dead. Katya, who refused to take antiretroviral therapy to prop up her ailing immune system, died last year.

"We didn't separate or run away from each other. We went to the end," said Yury, a 40-year-old auto mechanic from a gritty Moscow suburb who preferred not to be identified by his surname. "I've come to terms with it all. How can I blame the person who gave me a daughter?"

Russia's HIV epidemic passed a grim milestone in January as the country registered its millionth HIV-positive citizen -- double the number in 2010. About 200,000 of that million have died since HIV was first registered in Russia in 1987.

With less than one percent of the population of Russia's 142 million infected, the situation is less dire than epidemics that have ravaged Sub-Saharan Africa. And yet while the rate of new HIV infections across the world is ebbing, in Russia it is on the rise.

Russia accounts for the lion's share of infections in a Eurasian region, which UNAIDS -- the United Nations' program on HIV/AIDS -- says is the "only region in the world" where the HIV epidemic has "continued to rise rapidly." More than 93,000 new cases were registered in 2015 -- compared, for example, to 44,000 new diagnoses in 2014 in the United States, whose population is more than twice as large.

Yury does not know how Katya contracted HIV, but his own story fits into a trend that some leading experts say President Vladimir Putin's government must face up to fast: The number of Russians infected through straight sex is rising.

Vadim Pokrovsky, the longtime head of the Federal AIDS Center and an expert who has been tracking the disease's progress in Russia for almost three decades says the epidemic is advancing beyond traditional high-risk groups and spilling into general circulation.

Pokrovsky said that infections through heterosexual contact accounted for 45 percent of overall infections in 2015, compared with 10 percent 10 years ago.

He believes Russia stands at a critical juncture: The government should forsake what he casts as conservative policies that deviate from established global practice in the fight against HIV.

"I think it is now spreading into the heterosexual population," Pokrovsky told RFE/RL. "We can no longer keep on saying 'nyet-nyet' [Russian for "No-No"]. We have to urgently take measures."

'HIV Belt'

For years, the chief mode of transmission in Russia has been intravenous drug use, which boomed after the Soviet collapse as the social fabric frayed and factories shut down or slashed workers' jobs, particularly in industrial towns in the Urals and Siberia. Rampant drug abuse tore through cities on the heroin trail from Afghanistan westward in the 1990s and 2000s, forming something of an "HIV belt" across central Russia where the virus remains most prevalent today.

Pokrovsky believes the situation is moving from a "concentrated epidemic" among at-risk subgroups such as injecting drug users to a "generalized epidemic" -- defined by the World Health Organization as a situation with "HIV prevalence consistently exceeding 1 percent among pregnant women."

Pokrovsky said that in over 15 of Russia's 82 regions, more than one out of every 100 women who becomes pregnant has HIV.

"The trouble at the moment is that the number of people contracting HIV through heterosexual sex is rising," Pokrovsky said. "We cannot say that these transmissions are connected to the traditional vulnerable groups."

Other experts say there has been no major shift in the way HIV is spreading in Russia.

In e-mailed comments to RFE/RL, UNAIDS said that "the majority of the new HIV cases in Russia remain concentrated among key populations -- particularly injecting drug users and their sexual partners."

But almost all agree on the need for urgent action in Russia, where several factors -- including the persistent stigma attached to homosexuality, a strained health-care system, a lack of education about risks, government pressure on NGOs, and logistical problems that critics say have been created or aggravated by the state -- are making the HIV/AIDS problem worse.

Rising Concern?

There are some signs of new attention from the government, and the media that serve it, to an issue that was long considered peripheral.

Recently, newspapers such as Komsomolskaya Pravda, a popular pro-Kremlin tabloid, have carried stories with headlines like: "HIV can happen to anyone: go out and get tested!"

Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev declared the situation a matter of "national security" in March, and on October 20 signed off on a five-year strategy to combat the crisis through 2020. 

But despite the indications of increased concern, activists, doctors, and NGO workers fear that the new government plan remains hamstrung by the same conservative, go-it-alone approach that has stymied efforts to rein in the epidemic so far.

Among other things, the strategy prioritizes raising awareness, with the help of NGOs, among "key groups of the population." But in a common point of criticism, Pokrovsky said the strategy fails to clarify how the government plans to work with key HIV risk groups such as injecting drug users, sex workers, and gay or bisexual men.

"No one has answered the question of how we are going to warn people about the circulation of HIV among drug users -- although about 20 percent of intravenous injecting drug users already are infected," said Pokrovsky. "Nothing is said about how to prevent the infection of the remaining 80 percent."

"The same goes for sex workers," he told RFE/RL. "There is not a word about prevention among them. Everyone knows there are many of them. But there are no special programs planned for this group. The same goes for men who have sex with men."

The state "just does not pay enough attention to prevention -- prevention is very weak in Russia," Pokrovsky said, adding that this is reflected in government funding to fight HIV. "If 18 billion rubles ($278 million) are spent on treatment, only 400 million rubles ($6 million) go to prevention."

Zero Tolerance

There are no well-known state outreach organizations or programs working with high-risk groups. This is the exclusive preserve of largely foreign-funded NGOs such as the Andrey Rylkov Foundation For Health and Social Justice -- the only group in Moscow that distributes clean needles, contraceptives, and medication to drug users, the main group incubating and spreading the virus.

The Rylkov foundation receives no financing from the Kremlin and relies on grants from abroad. In July, the group was labeled a "foreign agent" under legislation signed by Putin early in his third term in 2012 that pressures and marginalizes many NGOs with foreign funding.

Foundation activists also encounter street harassment. In October 2013, police threatened to arrest activists who had traveled to a pharmacy in a rundown district in southeast Moscow where they handed out clean needles, bandages, condoms, and ointments. The police ordered them to disperse, prompting them to move to a new location where they continued their work. 

Although 1 million Russians have been registered with HIV in the last 30 years, Pokrovsky estimates there could be another 500,000 living with the virus who have not been identified -- many of them injecting drug users.

"Over half of our cases are contracted through drug use," said Elena Orlova-Morozova, a doctor at the Moscow Region AIDS Center. "It is very hard to identify HIV in this group and make progress with this group. Drug use is criminalized here and there is no talk of decriminalizing it."

“Drug users therefore are scared, of course, and cannot go to state buildings [such as hospitals] to be monitored,” she added. 

Activists also criticize Russia's refusal to legalize heroin substitution therapy which has been used widely across the world -- including in authoritarian countries such as Iran -- to wean drug users off heroin by giving them orally imbibed methadone.

Anya Sarang, head of the Andrei Rylkov Foundation, dismissed Medvedev's strategy as more of the same policy that has brought the epidemic this far. She suggested that one big obstacle to improvement is the growing prominence during Putin's third term of conservative ideas, anti-Western sentiment, and views espoused by the Russian Orthodox Church leadership.

"I guess the Health Ministry is still trying to figure out the 'Russian' and more godly way to deal with the problem since they are not in favor of internationally accepted, evidence-based prevention programs such as needle and syringe distribution and opioid substitution therapy," Sarang said.

'My Son Died Today'

LaSky, an HIV NGO that works with homosexual and bisexual men in Moscow, has not been labeled a foreign agent despite receiving money from abroad. But it has had to adapt to other restrictive legislation passed during Putin's third term.

On a November afternoon, Aleksandr, 29, a shop director who moonlights at LaSky, pasted "18+" stickers onto fliers and pamphlets about HIV and homosexuals so as to avoid being accused of violating a 2013 law that criminalizes the spread of gay "propaganda" to minors.

Rights groups and Western governments say the law marked a major setback for gay rights in Russia, encouraging prejudice and adding to the stigma attached to the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community in Russia, where homosexual relations were a crime in the Soviet era.

Ilya, a 20-year-old gay man who has attended counseling sessions at LaSky, has felt the stigma firsthand since he contracted HIV in December 2015 and was disowned by his family, which is prominent in his Siberian hometown. 

When he called his mother with the news of the test result, she said "my son died today" and hung up the phone.

Ilya, who did not want his last name published, said he became depressed and fell behind on his studies at a Moscow university. When exam time came in May he asked for an extension, citing his HIV status and a doctor's note, but was swiftly expelled, he said.

"In Russia, HIV-infected people are not seen as people who need help and are sick, but as people deliberately spreading the plague," said Ilya.

Activists at LaSky say the lack of information about HIV is a major problem. Aleksandr, a gay man from a Volga River town who preferred not to be identified by his surname, said he had no idea when he contracted HIV in 2013 that sexually active gay and bisexual men are at a high risk of infection.

"This information is nowhere, no one talks about it, no one knows anything about it," he said.

Activists say sex education in schools is grossly insufficient. At his high school, Aleksandr said, there was just one lecture that talked about condoms -- and it focused on using them to prevent unwanted pregnancy.

"There was nothing specifically about HIV," he said. "No one in the regions gets that. As a rule, they say superficially that there are sexually transmitted infections and you need to use a condom."

LaSky offers support in getting around a major logistical hurdle for many HIV sufferers in Moscow: The state guarantees free medical treatment for citizens, but only in the locale whether they officially reside -- and many Russians who live in the capital formally remain residents of their hometowns.

After Aleksandr tested positive for HIV, he had to travel back home -- 400 kilometers east of the capital -- for time-consuming treatment. He tried to hold onto his job by asking in advance for time off, but eventually was forced to resign. He has now managed to get registered for treatment by registering at the Moscow Region AIDS Center with LaSky's help.

Champagne, Not Condoms

Activists criticize some of the awareness campaigns that do exist, such as state-sponsored signs at Moscow train stations that make no mention of the use of condoms as a preventive measure.

One public-service poster sponsored by the Moscow government says simply, "Ignorance puts you in the risk group," without further explanation. Another suggests that adhering to traditional family values is key, warning: "Infidelity puts you in the risk group."
  
Pavel Lobkov -- a TV presenter who broke a taboo last year when he disclosed his HIV-positive status on the air on World AIDS Day, December 1 -- said condoms should be far more accessible.

"They should be handing them out free of charge in clubs where there is a heightened sexual atmosphere, or at rave parties, and so on," Lobkov told RFE/RL in an interview.

"When in a normal shop a pack of 12 condoms costs as much as a bottle of Soviet champagne, a couple of 18-year-olds will buy the champagne and not those boring condoms."

Lobkov said that "there were outreach programs for many years" -- but that times have changed.

"In the 1990s, I remember in all gay clubs or rave clubs there were free condoms at the bar," he said. They've disappeared now. They should be in your face" he said.

But social conservatives who have gained influence during Putin's public push for adherence to what he and the Russian Orthodox Church cast as traditional values tend to oppose such measures.

Lyudmila Stebenkova, a long-time Moscow legislator who heads the city Duma's public health committee, called on November 15 for a ban on the distribution of free condoms.

Stebenkova, who has won awards from the church, said condoms only offer 80 percent protection from infection and that their free distribution inculcates "irresponsible sexual behavior."

In a follow-up Facebook post, Stebenkova attacked foreign NGOs whose methods she called "strange and even irresponsible: giving out one-use needles to drug addicts and propagandizing condoms, which they give out even to schoolchildren." 

“In Moscow we decided to go down a different route: the propaganda of healthy living and family values," she wrote


May 10, 2016

Gay Men Having Straight Sex-Bi or Still gay?


naked-couple-having-sex
Yes, there were scratch marks on my back like if I slept with a Leopard and visible to my partner. She marked what she thought was now her territory. A gay man turned straight. I told her I was as gay now as I was the day before.
                                                                       
  

 With more people identifying as sexually fluid in the U.S., more young people are opening up about their own sexually fluid experiences.

A 2015 report by YouGov revealed that one in two people don't consider themselves 100 percent heterosexual, and a more recent report by trend forecasting agency, the J. Walter Thompson Innovation Group revealed that less than half of Americans between the ages of 13 and 20 identify as totally heterosexual.

People may often engage in sexual activity outside the lines of one specific sexual orientation. That's sexual fluidity.
Dr. Jane Ward, a professor of gender and sexuality studies at University of California, Riverside, spoke to ATTN: in the fall about her book "Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men," which explains why heterosexual men might have sex with each other even though they identify as straight. Ward said at the time that straight men do this because "touching other people's bodies is fun" and "people are curious," and she provided similar insight in a recent interview with ATTN: about why gay men have sex with straight women, an interaction that has sparked a curious debate on social media and in society at large.

A notable example of this is in "Girls" during the first episode of season two. Viewers watched Elijah, a gay man, briefly have sex with female character Marnie, the best friend of his ex-girlfriend Hannah, after an emotionally taxing party. They are unable to have sex for very long, however, and the episode generated a lot of discussion on various blogs and entertainment outlets. In 2015, Salon writer Jenny Kutner called the scene one of the most cringe-worthy sex scenes on the show. Rolling Stone called it a particularly bizarre scene as well.
Some gay men may have sex with women because, like straight men who sleep together, they are curious, Ward told ATTN:.
"The answer is that gay men, like all of us, are sometimes curious about having sexual experiences that fall outside of their usual repertoire," Ward told ATTN: via email.

"I know gay men who have had sex with very feminine women they thought were especially beautiful, and I have known gay men who have had sex with butch lesbians whose masculinity and dominance they found exciting," Ward said. "I know many gay men who identify as gay, but also identify as queer, and who would tell you that under the right circumstances they are generally open to sex with queer women."

There is also something to be said about variety. Last year, when journalist Shawn Binder interviewed several gay men who sleep with women for a Broadly piece, one interviewee named Lucas said that gay sex can feel boring after a while.

"You can only take so many dicks before guys get boring," Lucas told Broadly. "Females are a nice departure from the norm."

How homophobia impacts heterosexual sex for gay men.
Ward added that the larger impact of homophobia in our society might hinder gay men from having sex with women so as not to encourage supporters of gay conversion therapy, which research has shown to be ineffective and harmful, according to 12 studies compiled by Columbia University.

"Because of homophobia, gay men have spent decades struggling to have their queerness decriminalized and positively acknowledged, so it makes sense to me that many gay men have taken a hard line about their homosexuality by depicting it as completely rigid and exclusive. This has been an important strategy for resisting homophobic efforts to convert gay men to heterosexuality. If homophobes can be convinced that desire for women is an absolute impossibility for gay men, then violent efforts to 'repair' gay men start to appear futile. But I think the reality of human sexuality is more complicated than this."


While Ward noted that no one should ever be subjected to conversion, she said that this "doesn’t mean that it’s impossible for queer people to sometimes desire opposite sex encounters."

"Human sexuality is more fluid than that—for everyone," Ward said. "What matters is that regardless of how observers might understand queer people’s sexual practices, that we respect how they themselves understand the meaning of those practices."

There is indeed a stigma against gay men who sleep with women, as there is a greater taboo against people who have sexual experiences outside of their sexual orientation.


As noted before, bisexuals in particular are highly stigmatized for being able to “choose" a side.

"Unfortunately the culture’s investment in fixed sexual identity categories means that anyone who has a sexual encounter that doesn’t 'match' their sexual orientation is treated with suspicion, and the authenticity of their self-identification is called into question," she said.

Ward added that such policing is common in gay communities, and that having sex with a woman is especially stigmatized because of sexism against women in the gay community:

"This kind of policing of sex is especially strong in gay male communities, in part as a matter of self protection as I already described but also because of gay male misogyny. There is a tremendous amount of sexism in gay male subculture, so to have sex with a woman can be stigmatized not just as a heterosexual act, but can also elicit gay men’s misogynistic disgust at the very thought of the female body."

January 29, 2016

Amazing Orgasms Achieved Through your G-spot via the Prostate [5 steps]



                                                                           


These 5 steps are for any man as long as they have a butt and prostate. Straight? Let your girlfriend read this. Gay? You know most of it but want to make sure you got all the 5 steps for the so called ‘top’ to experience what that the guys that want to get it all the time know. Find the secret which is here revealed to you Thanks to Carrie Weisman at Alternet.org and Adamfoxie blog.
When most of us were taught about sex, we understood one basic principle: sexual satisfaction for men is delivered through their exterior genitalia, while women achieve it internally. But it looks like men were sold short with that explanation, because another powerful pleasure center exists inside the male body. Prostate-assisted orgasms aren’t as widely publicized as the penile version. But there is an enthusiastic community of people who have experienced the wildly intense and lengthy orgasms they can deliver. There is a reason, after all, why the sex toy industry seems to be overflowing with prostate stimulators (“progasms” as they’re sometimes called), massagers and plugs.

For some, this realm remains a largely unexplored, uncomfortable territory. It’s for this group that we bring the five steps to achieving an amazing prostate-assisted orgasm.

1. Prep For It

Anytime butt play is involved, it’s important to take the right precautions. Things have a tendency of getting messy when this region of the body is involved, but an easy routine can help sexual participants avoid embarrassing incidents. For the man looking to achieve a prostate-assisted orgasm, douching is probably a good idea. The process flushes your body of all junk so you don’t have to worry about it coming out during sex. It wouldn’t hurt to follow up with a shower.

The penetrator should also take some polite measures to maximize his or her partner’s experience. The skin around the anus is sensitive, and can tear easily, so trim nails, and clean hands are a must. Couples may want to arm themselves with paper towels, and rubber gloves (for those who aren’t fluid-bonded with their partners).

2. Lube Up, Warm Up

Unlike a vagina, the anus isn’t designed for penetration. So lots of lube is welcome, and should be continuously applied throughout your rendezvous. For those who aren’t accustomed to being penetrated, a little warmup can go a long way. Prepare your partner for penetration by grazing the butt cheeks, stroking the shaft and massaging the anus (which is loaded with as many nerve endings as your erogenous zones). Other notoriously sensual areas are the nipples and the ears, but everyone is different. The best way to figure out where your partner wants to be caressed is by asking. 

3. Diamonds are a Guy’s Best Friend: Finding Your Target

Finding the prostate may be a bit of a puzzle for those who haven’t done it before. But it’s not so hard. Because the prostate swells when aroused, it’s best to start the process when already aroused. The prostate can be located externally via the perineum (the diamond-shaped area between the scrotum and the anus). It’s possible for your partner to reach orgasm simply by applying pressure to the area and administering a generous massage. But for those who prefer a more direct approach, penetration is the way to go. The prostate is located about two inches below the rectum toward the scrotum. After inserting a finger (or two if you’re feeling comfortable) you should feel a chestnut-sized ball. Moving the finger(s) in a “come hither” motion toward his navel can stimulate the prostate to the point of orgasm.

4. Use Your Muscles

We’ve all heard of Kegels, but what most people don’t realize is that both sexes can benefit from this kind of exercise. The Pubococcygeus (PC) muscles not only help men maintain control over urination and blood flow to the penis, but can help them during orgasm as well. Much like the female G-spot orgasm, prostate-assisted orgasms are achieved and maintained through a series of muscle contractions, so strengthening this area is key. There are a bunch of different ways you can help do this, but one of the most effective seems to be clenching your butt cheeks and anus (we all know how to hold in a fart, right?). The more control you have over these muscles the longer your orgasm can last.

5. Don’t Forget About The Toys!

Sure, it’s great to have a partner who can lend a hand (literally). But there’s a whole market for people who go at it solo. The Aneros Progasm Prostate Massager seems to be leading the way when it comes to prostate-assisted orgasms. The Aneros is a relatively small (3.5 inches), wavy-shaped device that users can easily insert into the anus. It comes equipped with a finger loop for easy removal and a “p-tab” that nestles up against the perineum for extra pleasure. By clenching their butt cheeks, users pivot the device forward, allowing for contact with the prostate. When the muscles relax, the device reverts back to its stationary position. This stroking motion is what stimulates the “p-spot” and allows for hands-free, toe-curling orgasms. And you don’t have to stop there. A lot of guys also enjoy wearing a cock ring during prostate play.

Other Benefits

Prostate-assisted pleasure comes with lots of other benefits aside from experiencing an amazing and undiscovered orgasm. The process helps flush out the prostate and increases blood flow to the pelvic area. This can help decrease impotence and provide some cancer prevention.

Apart from the intensity, the most appreciated aspect of prostate-assisted orgasms has to be that they allow for multiple orgasms (no more female envy!). With prostate-assisted orgasms, many men will experience “dry orgasm” meaning they don’t ejaculate. Ejaculation needs a refractory period; orgasm does not. 

Penetrative orgasm is something that appeals to both gay and straight men. Unfortunately, homophobia and outdated sexual values seem to have put a damper on general public dialogue on the matter. The process of prostate-assisted orgasm allows men to step outside cemented gender roles, hand the sexual reins over to a different driver and experience a new dimension of satisfaction. As professional dominatrix Margaret Corvid writes, “It’s an opportunity for men to enjoy the receptivity and vulnerability of being penetrated, which is a fulfilling part of sexuality that is largely off-limits to men in mainstream sexual culture.”

Carrie Weisman is an AlterNet staff writer who focuses on sex, relationships and culture   

January 8, 2016

More Straight Men Admitting to Having Gay Sex



                                                            


According to the latest national survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more Americans are identifying as bisexual than ever before.
Not only that, but more heterosexual men are admitting to having had gay sex.
Researchers interviewed more than 9,000 men and women ages 18 to 44 years between 2011 and 2013. Respondents were asked about the types of sexual experiences they’ve had, whether they’re attracted to the same or opposite sex, and how they label their sexual orientations.
Here’s what they learned: 1.9 percent of men said they were homosexual, which is on par with the CDC’s last survey conducted between 2006-2010. Meanwhile, 2 percent of men said they identified as bisexual, up from 1.2 percent in the last survey.
And this is where it gets interesting. Because 6.2 percent of men said they had engaged in either oral or anal sex with another man.
A bit of basic math: If 1.9 percent of men said they were gay and 2 percent said they were bisexual — but 6.2 percent said they had engaged in same-sex sexual activity — that means 2.3 percent of men engaging in same-sex sexual activity are straight. Or at least straight-identifying.

                                                                
 
US Government Survey:

Objective—This report provides national estimates of sexual behavior, sexual attraction, and sexual orientation among women and men aged 18–44 in the United States, based on the 2011–2013 National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG).
Methods—Data for the 2011–2013 NSFG were collected through in-person interviews with 10,416 women and men aged 15–44 in the household population in the United States. In this report, data are shown only for 9,175 adults aged 18–44. The data presented in this report were primarily collected using audio computer-assisted self-interviewing, in which the respondent enters his or her answers into the computer without telling them to an interviewer. The overall response rate for the 2011–2013 NSFG was 72.8%.
Results—Regarding opposite-sex sexual behavior, 94.2% of women and 92.0% of men aged 18–44 had ever had vaginal intercourse; 86.2% of women and 87.4%
of men had ever had oral sex; and 35.9% of women and 42.3% of men had ever had anal sex. Almost three times as many women (17.4%) reported any same-sex contact in their lifetime compared with men (6.2%) aged 18–44. Feelings of attraction “only to the opposite sex” were more common for men (92.1%) compared with women (81.0%) aged 18–44. Among those aged 18–44, 92.3% of women and 95.1% of men said they were “heterosexual or straight”; 1.3% of women and 1.9% of men said
they were “homosexual, gay, or lesbian”; 5.5% of women and 2.0% of men said they were bisexual; and 0.9% of women and 1.0% of men said “don’t know” or “refused” (i.e., “did not report”) on sexual orientation. Sexual attraction and sexual orientation correlate closely but not completely with reports of sexual behavior. Sexual behavior, sexual attraction, and sexual orientation vary by age, marital or cohabiting status, education, and race and Hispanic origin.


                                                                     


*This report is based on the 2011–2013 NSFG. NSFG is a nationally representative survey of the U.S. household population, with face-to-face interviews conducted with women
and men aged 15–44. NSFG is jointly planned and funded by CDC’s National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS)
and several other programs of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

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