Being Sick and Tired of being the Children of a Lesser god

 

Actually Ellen Page on her coming out words didn’t said she was ‘sick and tired’  just “tired” but sick follows tired. You get sick when you are tired ‘all' the time. Most people want to be accepted even if they do things that at first look it would seem like they want people to stay away. Those clothes, those hair styles, those tattoos are just for the opposite. It is to say I am here, notice me even if you don’t like me. 

Today as I checked what people where saying at a social network I saw this picture of a guy who posted a tropical tattoo running from his chest up to his lower lip. An enormous tattoo with a lot of turquoise and white. Who would want to approach this guy to give him a kiss? or have a serious or even a casual conversation when you a re going to have the crab inside the flower (a white lilac I think) looking right back at you. I would be laughing and probably peeing inside my pants! It hit me hard and I was only looking at a picture not at the actual person in front of me. I was thinking who would talk seriously to him? The answer is obvious to me now, someone who likes the way he is. He otherwise had a perfect body and who knows may be he is better than anybody at a conversation due that he is competing with the flower and marine kingdoms.  May be he is honest and clean inside his heart. 

Actually I posted a joke (which latter corrected) and felt bad because I would rather be with him as weird and out of this world that he looked because he had some priorities right. He liked his body, took care of his body and made so perfect and in sync, not by putting on muscles but by making it look manly and normal and then he most’ve liked it so much he decorated it with art work. There are many guys I would not get caught with, but if he had reverence for this planet as his artwork tried to say and he had so much respect for others as his well kept body showed, then I would not mind being seen with him or being his friend or even falling in love with him if he was as different inside as he was outside.The art work on this man was not to separate him from others in a way of isolation but just the opposite.  It was a cry for acceptance and recognition. If you want to call it attention grabber, well yes and it means the same thing. When you look for attention you look for acceptance.

Being closeted for whom we are, is so sick and unhealthy that the people, manly guys at this point that make the decision to stay in the closet are so disconnected right from the people that they would like to connect that is unnatural and inhumane. I know what some people say, it’s my life, ti’s my sexuality and is private. Those things are so true but people that like us to be locked away wont let it be private wont let it belong to us. They talked about us like if they knew us. They tell us who we have said with and how like if they were watching when we do. No, not private at all.

People lately are saying is not a phobia, but it is. Phobia is an unnatural fear and that is what these people feel. The fear translates into what seems to be hatred and that hatred sometimes manifests in violence but many that take the human decision to know some of us and they have change their mind. That’s when they get to know us. 

We can wait for those people to get to know us and wait our lives or we can come out and end the whole show. For some is not not easy to march or carry a rainbow but they can carry the truth. The person doesn’t have to volunteer it or yell it. Thanks goodness for those who do because they open the roads for all to walk on, but by just not lying about who we are, that alone sets us free. May be is not needed to go as far as marking your body, but one should mark where we are and where we stand. We need to do it for us first and then for others. 

I can understand Ellen so much because for so long I was so sick and tired and being that way my decisions where not based on good information.  What career to take, what to study, all these things that take years of our life’s should be based on what we can do best and like according to who we are not who we wish we were. Not on other peoples’ fantasy for us. From the time I realized  who I might be until the time I was sure, to the age of 24 that I came out I was living in hell. Lying about who I was or brought me to loose confidence on myself. Not that a closeted man can not do what an open man can do, but is harder it takes more energy more self respect to be ashamed of something we had nothing to do with.  I know that there are guys very proud of their gay sexuality and can not see themselves as anything else. But that is not true for everyone, including myself. I am proud of whom I am because is me and I have respect for that. At the same time, particularly as I get older everything is harder to do and accomplish in life because I am gay. It is not a life I would have chosen not because is a bad life just because the way I was raised. Being part of a family with kids, etc. I knew from early on that I could not have kids because it was going to be too hard. Never met a guy that wanted kids either but strange enough the opportunity did come up and I am fairly convinced that I would have been a father, but that was taken away from me. You see people make decisions for you when they think or know you are gay. But particularly when they re not sure of how you feel about things. That makes it tougher to be gay.

Child of a Lesser god? Are You?

How is this come to be? Are we the children of a lesser god? I don’t know if we are but I can honestly tell you that as we hide in the closet we become the children of a lesser god, wether we believe in gods or not it doesn’t matter, because when you a re gay and closeted people make the decisions for you. Hope most of us see the light because this is how this injustice came to be. It happened by the minority letting the majority dictate who we should be in love with or something as intimate as having sex with. We are told what sex our mates should be, wether there is sex or not.

We came into this situation ourselves by letting the majority dictate who we should be with. Same sex partnering is not something that came to be with ‘Stonewall.’ This is something g that is been happening since there have been babies being born. It’s amazing how crazy we human can be. Just about now there man woman and children being killed because of their religion or politics.  We destroy ourselves and are in  the position to be wiped out on any minute yet is a big deal if two men kiss each or make love to each other. Those are our priorities. Those that like to quote about a couple of cities being destroy by their god do not quote how many cities men has destroyed for less. Yes the fire is come from heavens but it’s been in the way of arrows burning with fire and in our days with missiles  full of gas and explosives coming in from outer space. No one in Russia is making a law against that or in Uganda or those ex-British satellite countries in the Caribbean, No laws are not made about man not liking man, not in those places not in the US or anywhere in the world are there laws that prohibit nations from killing other nations.  But who we bed, that is a big deal and needs laws to take it into hiding.