How to Date With HIV, HIV Dating Tips For Positive Singles
By mberam, User-Submitted Article. blogged by adamfocie.blog
Life is meant to be shared with someone you love. But the first step in love is dating to find that special someone. One of the common myths surrounding HIV dating is that, once diagnosed, you must give up any chance of meeting your special someone. I hear from newly diagnosed people everyday how they intend to give up dating for good. That doesn't need to happen. With the internet today, there are plenty of HIV dating sites strictly for people living with HIV. Or with the right precautions and a lot of honesty, people living with HIV can date people without HIV. If you are HIV positive, there is no reason you cannot find that special someone to share your life with.
Difficulty: Easy
Instructions
Step
1
When it comes to HIV dating, you have 2 options:
1. Dating others with HIV
2. Dating others without HIV
Step
2
Lets first talk about dating others with HIV as this will completely remove the fear of disclosing your status. Dating with HIV is by far much easier if you only date others with HIV for obvious reasons. You do not have to worry about being rejected because of your HIV status.
There are many HIV dating websites available now, some of them are excellent. One site we found, www.hivandsingle.com is completely free. There is no cost at all to use any of the features. This is the only site we have found that is completely free and it is one of the best HIV dating sites out there. It has robust features and is easy to use. You can search by many different preferences (zip code, ethinicity, interests), it is easy to find people, you can see whos viewed you and you can instant message people. The others charge monthly fees in order to contact members and their features don't compare to www.hivandsingle.com.
Important Note! - Dating only other HIV-infected people does not mean safer sex. Even between two HIVpositive people, safer sex and condoms are a must with each and every sexual encounter because of the risk of re-infection.
Step
3
Dating Someone Who Is Not HIV Positive
When it comes to dating someone who is not HIV positive the toughest thing you will have to do is disclose your HIV status.
One of the biggest concerns of people living with HIV is confidentiality. For many, the worst thing that can happen is having others find out about their HIV infection. But when dating and beginning new relationships, disclosing your HIV status is wise, and in some states it's the law.
The prospect of telling someone you just met that you have HIV is a very daunting task. You fear that your HIV diagnosis will no longer be a secret. You fear the rejection that may come with disclosing your HIV status to a prospective partner and you fear the judgments and stereotypes that come along with an HIV diagnosis. If you have met someone special, you fear that disclosing your HIV status will ruin your only shot at a relationship. This in turn can become the false believe that dating with HIV is impossible and you will spend the rest of your life alone. This is just not the case.
HIV disclosure can be easier if you arm yourself with the right tools and know the right things to say at the right time. These guidelines will help when it's time for disclosure. Explain to your potential partner that you care enough and trust enough to disclose your status. Assure him or her that it is possible to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship despite HIV. Always discuss safer sex and the importance of having safer sex each and every time. Explain that with the proper precautions, a sexual relationship is both possible and enjoyable.
Step
4
How to Tell Someone You Have HIV--When Should You Disclose?
Is there a perfect time to disclose your status? Probably not, but there are choices to be made regarding when to tell. As was mentioned earlier, disclosure must occur prior to any sexual contact. But what if the relationship hasn't gotten to that point? There are a couple schools of thought regarding when to tell. While there is no perfect time, there is a time that best suits you.
Kiss and Tell - those who choose to "kiss and tell" will go on a few dates before disclosing their HIV status. This does have its advantages. For one it allows you to wait and see if the relationship is going to get serious before disclosing. If the relationship stalls, your status was not disclosed needlessly. In other words, people who kiss and tell feel this option is best because it limits the number of people who become aware of their HIV diagnosis.
Tell and Kiss - there are some people who choose to "tell and kiss," meaning that HIV disclosure occurs very early in the relationship, in some cases on the first date. One reason for early disclosure is there is less emotional attachment at that point. It is a fact of life that some people will not be ready to date an HIV-infected person. Some feel that it is better to be rejected early as opposed to later when an emotional connection has occurred. In addition, early disclosure implies honesty. Waiting to disclose until you have had a few dates first may be viewed as dishonest by some. Finally, people who disclose early find comfort in knowing that if the relationship does succeed and move forward, their partner accepts them for who they without conditions.
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Recently diagnosed with HIV? Find out some things you should know.
www.HIVTreatmentIsPower.com
Hiv Positive Life Insur
Find Low Cost Life Insurance. One Quick Form. Multiple Offers.
www.InsuranceDesk.com
HIV Treatment Questions
Get answers to common questions about starting a 2-in-1 HIV med.
www.JustOnceADay.com
Meet Singles with HIV
Meet Local Singles with HIV. Membership is Free. Join Now!
www.True.com
Tips & Warnings
It goes without saying, that the first attempt at dating after you are diagnosed with HIV can be a very stressful, frightening experience. There are some simple tips that will help make the experience much less difficult.
Be prepared for a reaction after you disclose. It is hard to predict what that reaction will be, ranging from supportive understanding to rejection and abandonment. Rest assured there will be a reaction, so be prepared for it. Before disclosing, assess the relationship and the person you are about to disclose to. What will you gain from disclosing? Is the relationship worth risking your confidentiality? HIV does not define who you are or what type of person you are. HIV does not rob you of your desires, your goals, or your personality. Healthy, rewarding relationships are possible for people living with HIV. Don't compromise your standards or settle for anyone less than you desire for fear of that person being your only choice. Having HIV does not mean you are desperate. Never lose your self esteem. If you choose to use online services, use the same precautions anyone using such services would use. Your first meeting should be in a public place. Do not divulge too much personal information too soon. Do not let your guard down until you are sure the person you have met online can be trusted and is who he or she says she is.
Some HIV positive women find it hard to contemplate dating because they feel less desirable or less appealing than HIV negative women. Remember that there is much more to you than just HIV. Don't let your status rob you of your self-esteem or your standards. You don't have to settle for being alone because no one will want you, and you don't have to settle for the wrong person.
Don't be afraid to have love in your life. Look for a loving relationship with a person who wants to be with you for you. Sex can also be an important and exciting part of your relationship. If you feel worried or guilty about the possibility of infecting your partner, make sure you know how to protect him or her by practicing safer sex.
It can be normal to feel ashamed of or embarrassed by your HIV status when dating. But if these feelings persist and prevent you from dating, or lead to depression or isolation, seek help. Find a support group or therapist; you'll probably begin to feel more enthusiastic about dating and romance before too long.
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rickter saidFlag This Comment
on 9/21/2009 Lots of scammers out there on HIV sites. Be careful especially on the free sites, they don't seem to be policed very well. I checked out www.pozmatch.com and www.hivnet.com - both look like good sites and had good luck on both. Got scammed big time on www.poz.com - not recommmended, they seem to let anybody and everybody on. Don't go there.
firangichick saidFlag This Comment
on 4/27/2009 I have the opposite experience. I've been for over 17 years and no men want to date after I tell them. The only men who've been interested in me since my diagnosis have had ulterior motives; i.e., needing a green card, etc.The positive guys I've dated and known are just as bad. They're either numbing their pain with drugs or alcohol, or they're only interested in unprotected sex because they justify that I've already got it.Sometimes you really are better off alone. I'm in the SF Bay Area and if I can't find a date with someone that doesn't mind I have HIV, how much worse must it be in a place where the stigma and ignorance are much greater?
firangichick saidFlag This Comment
on 4/27/2009 I have the opposite experience. I've been for over 17 years and no men want to date after I tell them. The only men who've been interested in me since my diagnosis have had ulterior motives; i.e., needing a green card, etc.The positive guys I've dated and known are just as bad. They're either numbing their pain with drugs or alcohol, or they're only interested in unprotected sex because they justify that I've already got it.Sometimes you really are better off alone. I'm in the SF Bay Area and if I can't find a date with someone that doesn't mind I have HIV, how much worse must it be in a place where the stigma and ignorance are much greater?
seymourbeaches saidFlag This Comment
on 4/2/2009 Great Little article you have here, I especially liked paragraph 1, about newly diagnosed people going to give up dating for good. HAH! Let me know how that works out. I've been poz for 22 years this month, my fiance and I have a 6month old daughter who is happy, healthy and HIV Negative. :) I also have a blog about these types of things here:http://www.hivdate.netEnjoy...Seymour
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Life is meant to be shared with someone you love. But the first step in love is dating to find that special someone. One of the common myths surrounding HIV dating is that, once diagnosed, you must give up any chance of meeting your special someone. I hear from newly diagnosed people everyday how they intend to give up dating for good. That doesn't need to happen. With the internet today, there are plenty of HIV dating sites strictly for people living with HIV. Or with the right precautions and a lot of honesty, people living with HIV can date people without HIV. If you are HIV positive, there is no reason you cannot find that special someone to share your life with.
Difficulty: Easy
Instructions
Step
1
When it comes to HIV dating, you have 2 options:
1. Dating others with HIV
2. Dating others without HIV
Step
2
Lets first talk about dating others with HIV as this will completely remove the fear of disclosing your status. Dating with HIV is by far much easier if you only date others with HIV for obvious reasons. You do not have to worry about being rejected because of your HIV status.
There are many HIV dating websites available now, some of them are excellent. One site we found, www.hivandsingle.com is completely free. There is no cost at all to use any of the features. This is the only site we have found that is completely free and it is one of the best HIV dating sites out there. It has robust features and is easy to use. You can search by many different preferences (zip code, ethinicity, interests), it is easy to find people, you can see whos viewed you and you can instant message people. The others charge monthly fees in order to contact members and their features don't compare to www.hivandsingle.com.
Important Note! - Dating only other HIV-infected people does not mean safer sex. Even between two HIVpositive people, safer sex and condoms are a must with each and every sexual encounter because of the risk of re-infection.
Step
3
Dating Someone Who Is Not HIV Positive
When it comes to dating someone who is not HIV positive the toughest thing you will have to do is disclose your HIV status.
One of the biggest concerns of people living with HIV is confidentiality. For many, the worst thing that can happen is having others find out about their HIV infection. But when dating and beginning new relationships, disclosing your HIV status is wise, and in some states it's the law.
The prospect of telling someone you just met that you have HIV is a very daunting task. You fear that your HIV diagnosis will no longer be a secret. You fear the rejection that may come with disclosing your HIV status to a prospective partner and you fear the judgments and stereotypes that come along with an HIV diagnosis. If you have met someone special, you fear that disclosing your HIV status will ruin your only shot at a relationship. This in turn can become the false believe that dating with HIV is impossible and you will spend the rest of your life alone. This is just not the case.
HIV disclosure can be easier if you arm yourself with the right tools and know the right things to say at the right time. These guidelines will help when it's time for disclosure. Explain to your potential partner that you care enough and trust enough to disclose your status. Assure him or her that it is possible to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship despite HIV. Always discuss safer sex and the importance of having safer sex each and every time. Explain that with the proper precautions, a sexual relationship is both possible and enjoyable.
Step
4
How to Tell Someone You Have HIV--When Should You Disclose?
Is there a perfect time to disclose your status? Probably not, but there are choices to be made regarding when to tell. As was mentioned earlier, disclosure must occur prior to any sexual contact. But what if the relationship hasn't gotten to that point? There are a couple schools of thought regarding when to tell. While there is no perfect time, there is a time that best suits you.
Kiss and Tell - those who choose to "kiss and tell" will go on a few dates before disclosing their HIV status. This does have its advantages. For one it allows you to wait and see if the relationship is going to get serious before disclosing. If the relationship stalls, your status was not disclosed needlessly. In other words, people who kiss and tell feel this option is best because it limits the number of people who become aware of their HIV diagnosis.
Tell and Kiss - there are some people who choose to "tell and kiss," meaning that HIV disclosure occurs very early in the relationship, in some cases on the first date. One reason for early disclosure is there is less emotional attachment at that point. It is a fact of life that some people will not be ready to date an HIV-infected person. Some feel that it is better to be rejected early as opposed to later when an emotional connection has occurred. In addition, early disclosure implies honesty. Waiting to disclose until you have had a few dates first may be viewed as dishonest by some. Finally, people who disclose early find comfort in knowing that if the relationship does succeed and move forward, their partner accepts them for who they without conditions.
Ads by Google
Recent HIV Diagnosis
Recently diagnosed with HIV? Find out some things you should know.
www.HIVTreatmentIsPower.com
Hiv Positive Life Insur
Find Low Cost Life Insurance. One Quick Form. Multiple Offers.
www.InsuranceDesk.com
HIV Treatment Questions
Get answers to common questions about starting a 2-in-1 HIV med.
www.JustOnceADay.com
Meet Singles with HIV
Meet Local Singles with HIV. Membership is Free. Join Now!
www.True.com
Tips & Warnings
It goes without saying, that the first attempt at dating after you are diagnosed with HIV can be a very stressful, frightening experience. There are some simple tips that will help make the experience much less difficult.
Be prepared for a reaction after you disclose. It is hard to predict what that reaction will be, ranging from supportive understanding to rejection and abandonment. Rest assured there will be a reaction, so be prepared for it. Before disclosing, assess the relationship and the person you are about to disclose to. What will you gain from disclosing? Is the relationship worth risking your confidentiality? HIV does not define who you are or what type of person you are. HIV does not rob you of your desires, your goals, or your personality. Healthy, rewarding relationships are possible for people living with HIV. Don't compromise your standards or settle for anyone less than you desire for fear of that person being your only choice. Having HIV does not mean you are desperate. Never lose your self esteem. If you choose to use online services, use the same precautions anyone using such services would use. Your first meeting should be in a public place. Do not divulge too much personal information too soon. Do not let your guard down until you are sure the person you have met online can be trusted and is who he or she says she is.
Some HIV positive women find it hard to contemplate dating because they feel less desirable or less appealing than HIV negative women. Remember that there is much more to you than just HIV. Don't let your status rob you of your self-esteem or your standards. You don't have to settle for being alone because no one will want you, and you don't have to settle for the wrong person.
Don't be afraid to have love in your life. Look for a loving relationship with a person who wants to be with you for you. Sex can also be an important and exciting part of your relationship. If you feel worried or guilty about the possibility of infecting your partner, make sure you know how to protect him or her by practicing safer sex.
It can be normal to feel ashamed of or embarrassed by your HIV status when dating. But if these feelings persist and prevent you from dating, or lead to depression or isolation, seek help. Find a support group or therapist; you'll probably begin to feel more enthusiastic about dating and romance before too long.
Add to Favorites
Print Article
Flag Article
Comments Post a Comment
rickter saidFlag This Comment
on 9/21/2009 Lots of scammers out there on HIV sites. Be careful especially on the free sites, they don't seem to be policed very well. I checked out www.pozmatch.com and www.hivnet.com - both look like good sites and had good luck on both. Got scammed big time on www.poz.com - not recommmended, they seem to let anybody and everybody on. Don't go there.
firangichick saidFlag This Comment
on 4/27/2009 I have the opposite experience. I've been for over 17 years and no men want to date after I tell them. The only men who've been interested in me since my diagnosis have had ulterior motives; i.e., needing a green card, etc.The positive guys I've dated and known are just as bad. They're either numbing their pain with drugs or alcohol, or they're only interested in unprotected sex because they justify that I've already got it.Sometimes you really are better off alone. I'm in the SF Bay Area and if I can't find a date with someone that doesn't mind I have HIV, how much worse must it be in a place where the stigma and ignorance are much greater?
firangichick saidFlag This Comment
on 4/27/2009 I have the opposite experience. I've been for over 17 years and no men want to date after I tell them. The only men who've been interested in me since my diagnosis have had ulterior motives; i.e., needing a green card, etc.The positive guys I've dated and known are just as bad. They're either numbing their pain with drugs or alcohol, or they're only interested in unprotected sex because they justify that I've already got it.Sometimes you really are better off alone. I'm in the SF Bay Area and if I can't find a date with someone that doesn't mind I have HIV, how much worse must it be in a place where the stigma and ignorance are much greater?
seymourbeaches saidFlag This Comment
on 4/2/2009 Great Little article you have here, I especially liked paragraph 1, about newly diagnosed people going to give up dating for good. HAH! Let me know how that works out. I've been poz for 22 years this month, my fiance and I have a 6month old daughter who is happy, healthy and HIV Negative. :) I also have a blog about these types of things here:http://www.hivdate.netEnjoy...Seymour
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