Compulsory Heterosexuality

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 LGBTQ Nation

Compulsory heterosexuality, or “comphet,” impacts lesbian, queer, trans, and non-binary individuals by enforcing the societal expectation that everyone should be heterosexual. 

Have you dated the opposite gender and realized you weren’t that into them? Do you wish your boyfriend was more like your female friends? Why do you have a list of impossible standards for guys to meet before you’ll even consider dating them – but the idea of being with them makes you uncomfortable, anyway? Are you just picky? Or were you conditioned to interpret any kind of feeling towards men as attraction? If it’s the latter, it’s time to learn about compulsory heterosexuality.

What is compulsory heterosexuality?

 Compulsory heterosexuality, or comphet, is the societal expectation that everyone should be heterosexual. This idea is pushed by patriarchal norms, making people feel they need to be straight, even if they’re not. Adrienne Rich, a feminist lesbian author, brought this concept into the spotlight in her 1980 essay “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence.” Rich argued that heterosexuality is not natural but socially constructed to benefit men by ensuring women’s dependence on them.

Rich also introduced the “lesbian continuum,” a concept suggesting that women’s relationships with other women—whether friendships or romantic connections—are often more fulfilling than those with men. This continuum challenges the idea that women’s primary emotional and sexual bonds should be with men.

She wrote: “Women have married because it was necessary, in order to survive […] We may faithfully or ambivalently have obeyed the institution, but our feelings – and our sensuality – have not been tamed or contained within it.” 

Why is it important to understand comphet?

Understanding comphet helps us recognize the pressures queer, trans, and non-binary individuals face in conforming to heteronormative expectations. It sheds light on how societal norms can suppress true sexual and romantic desires, forcing individuals to adopt the safety of “straight privilege” to avoid discrimination.

Comphet affects how women or other FLINTA* individuals connect to their femininity and to others like them, both platonically and romantically. By framing women’s existence through a patriarchal lens, comphet prevents queer individuals from embracing their true identities, leading to internalized homophobia and a sense of being “othered.”

 

The evolution of compulsory heterosexuality

Rich’s introduction of compulsory heterosexuality in 1980 marked a significant shift in feminist and queer theory. She argued that the patriarchal system enforces heterosexuality as the norm, erasing lesbian identities and experiences. Rich’s concept of the “lesbian continuum” suggests that women’s relationships with other women are more fulfilling and empowering than those with men.

In recent years, the understanding of comphet has evolved. Angeli Luiz’s viral “Am I A Lesbian? Masterdoc” (published on Tumblr in 2018) brought contemporary relevance to Rich’s ideas. Luiz’s work serves as a guide for divorcing learned, performative straightness from one’s true identity, making comphet more inclusive of various gender identities and sexual orientations.

Signs of compulsory heterosexuality

Experiencing comphet can look different for everyone, depending on their gender identity and sexual orientation. Some common signs include:

• Feeling pressured to find an opposite-gender partner to prove your heterosexuality.
• Seeking opposite-gender relationships to meet societal norms rather than genuine desire.
• Avoiding experiences or interests due to fear of judgment.
• Suppressing sexual questioning due to feelings of shame.
• Struggling to envision same-gender relationships due to internalized homophobia.

Comphet can significantly impact LGBTQ+ individuals, leading to poor self-esteem and a sense of abnormality. Media and societal standards that uphold heterosexual models often leave LGBTQ+ individuals feeling isolated and fearful for their safety. This fear can prevent them from coming out and force them to conform to heterosexual norms.

 

How to overcome compulsory heterosexuality

Overcoming comphet is a challenging but essential process for self-acceptance and identity discovery. Here are some ways to work through it:

1. Self-reflection: Engage in practices like meditation, yoga, journaling, and daily reflection to evaluate whether your actions align with comphet standards or your true desires.
2. Education: Read books, articles, and journals about comphet to gain a deeper understanding of the concept and how it affects you.
3. Support systems: Seek support from family, friends, and romantic partners. Connecting with loved ones can provide a powerful support system.
4. Therapy: Speaking with a therapist or counselor can offer an objective perspective and help identify underlying concerns contributing to distress.
5. Support groups: Joining a support group or online community can help you connect with others who have similar experiences.
6. New environments: Exploring LGBTQ+ spaces can normalize queer interactions and help you feel more comfortable with your identity.

If compulsory heterosexuality significantly impacts your mental health and daily life, it may be time to seek professional support. Symptoms like anxiety, depression, poor eating or sleeping habits, moodiness, and social difficulties can indicate the need for professional help. 

Don’t Deny Your Truth

Understanding heterosexuality as a political institution meant to disempower queer individuals can feel overwhelming. However, continually questioning and checking in with yourself can help you navigate these societal pressures and make authentic choices.

Lesbian author and advice columnist Anna Pulley said it best: “If you keep (gently) questioning, keep checking in with yourself and your feelings, and keep assessing whether the company you keep or throw out of bed deserves your time and energy and respect, then you’re not being compulsory about your choices, regardless of how heteronormative our society is and remains.”

By recognizing and addressing comphet, you can pave the way for a more genuine and fulfilling understanding of your sexuality and relationships. Embrace your truth and seek the support you need to live authentically.