Showing posts with label Phychiatric. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Phychiatric. Show all posts

April 25, 2014

Gay Men Don’t Get Fat, Why?


                                                

   


 I wish this was not true but I myself have always had a fear my body was not good enough! When I was in a relationship I let me self go but within limits. Always not too far to catch up with a few rounds of running around the house or the property and quit the cheese cake and the Ice cream and volia, back in shape! Always with the fear that if he left me or I left him, I had to be in shape and prepare for a descent new catch. Of coarse this is simplistic and there is more at the bottom of the cheese cake but this is the peak of the mountain of WHY GAY MEN TEND NOT TO GET FAT.

We can talk about how superficial this most be but it’s really more realistic for a reason than anything else.. It does goes down deep on a lot of gay men psych’s. We never had until now any support system except our selves. Take any people that have gone through decades and decades of extinction and societal combination see how differently  cope with life afterwords.  

How about the gay men that wear pants with a Waists of 36-46 in their 40-50’s? That is a different crowd altogether. A lots of these folks have been in a straight marriage or gay relationship for many years. This were people that thought or at least were use to the idea that they will have a companion  most of their older life. No need to worry about inches on your waste and it usually done together, eating the same foods. What have been a cause of hurt and shock were those that for what ever reason after a committed relationship end up alone due to illness or death. They find them selves with a good opinion inside of themselves but no one can see that. Gays look at your crotch  first and then the waste line.

This is one of the side affects of how we have been living. Gay marriage is not a cure for all but it is for many things for people that want a change of lives and want to commit themselves. But the truth this is how it stands today, the day Im typing this into a computer.
Adam Gonzalez, Publisher



There is only one thing that keep gay men in shape: fear. Yes, every gay—at least those of the stereotypical abdominal-obsessed physique that populates Fire Island and Palm Springs—is brought about because gay men are afraid that they will be alone for the rest of their lives. If a gay man is not "serving body" while competing to find a trick or boyfriend in one of the more muscle-bound climates of gay culture, he will be sorely shut out. That is why gay men don't get fat, because if they don't have pecs, guns, and glutes, they're going home alone.
Gay men, unlike their straight counterparts, don't have the luxury to stay in "fighting shape" just long enough to find a partner before letting their bodies fall to shit afterwords. No, gay men have to get buff, get married, and stay buff. Why? Because of three-ways, obviously. I'm going to let you in on a little secret: There are countless committed gay couples out there who like to either play on the side or invite guest stars into their beds. And you're not going to get any A-list guest stars if you're giving D-list torso with a four-star gut. Yes, gay men go to the gym to stay competitive, but since the man-eating marathon doesn’t end after marriage, they just keep on competing and competing until death do they part.
The funny thing about the gay competition is that, because men (especially of the gay variety) are so visually stimulated, the only piece on the chess board that matters is having that traditional lean body. If straight men are lacking in some area, they usually make up for it by becoming rich or powerful, things that some women (see: Real Housewives of Orange County) find just as attractive as a washboard stomach dusted with natural body hair. But for gay men, only body will do. If a gay guy is a little short, his solution is to go to the gym. Got a shitty job? Go to the gym. Busted in the face? No biggie! Head to the gym and no one will look above your neck. Totally shy and doesn't socialize well? Gym, baby, gym! A good body is the only currency in this game.
What also makes this unique for gay men is one of the other strange quirks of homosexuality. Gay men are attracted to, essentially, themselves. No straight man wants to look like a woman (and certainly not the reverse) but gay men find what they are physically attracted to and often remake their bodies in the image of their ideal mate. Since society tells us to want muscle-bound athletes, that's what gays want, and that's what they make themselves look like in the pursuit of their ideal. If you want to bed muscles you have to have muscles, if you want to land a twink, you better be a twink (or at least some other type that is easily cast in any gay porn movie).
Still, gay men come in all shapes and sizes (embrace the rainbow, people) but still gay culture and iconography is largely dominated by the same juiced-out body type (and awful tribal tattoos) that you'd find on Jersey Shore. While there are plenty of average-physiqued homosexuals (who barely merit mentioning) there has been a reaction to all this body fascism over the past so many years. Yes, the "bear" movement, spearheaded by gay men who are hairier and chubbier than average, is forever gaining steam. Mostly it's because these guys gave up on the regular competition and decided to host a competition of their own. Theirs, instead of relying on protein shakes and bicep curls, relies on barbecue ribs and beer guts. These men only socialize (and sexualize) with other men that are as big and burly as they are. While they might be reversing the normal aesthetic ideals of gay culture and American culture at large, they still discriminate just as much based on physicality as their circuit party-loving brethren.
Doonan is trying to capitalize on those skinny gay men of legend, but what governs them and governs the bear is really the same thing: fear. Many gay men spend their adolescence as outcasts or misfits, and when they finally get to a place where they can join the gay culture at large, they react to their years of social solitude by conforming with the sort of fervor usually reserved for packs of teenage girls. That means looking the part, which, of course, means joining the gym and becoming a regular. It has nothing to do with being healthy or looking good, it has to do with that deep-seated fear that one day you will wake up and it will be just like high school all over again, with people hating you or picking on you for being different. Never again!
That middle-of-the-night terror is not an easy thing to teach, and it's not really the kind of advice that you can slap a sassy cover photo on and get millions of people to pay $22 for. Most gay men get it for free, and now, with this book, you too can be a pariah for years, then enter a conformist culture of casual sex and glistening bodies, followed by a lifetime of hookups with your significant other and the waxed dolphins you pick up on Grindr. That's the secret of how gay men don't get fat.
For me, well, I’d much rather be French.
The funny thing about the gay competition is that, because men (especially of the gay variety) are so visually stimulated, the only piece on the chess board that matters is having that traditional lean body. If straight men are lacking in some area, they usually make up for it by becoming rich or powerful, things that some women (see: Real Housewives of Orange County) find just as attractive as a washboard stomach dusted with natural body hair. But for gay men, only body will do. If a gay guy is a little short, his solution is to go to the gym. Got a shitty job? Go to the gym. Busted in the face? No biggie! Head to the gym and no one will look above your neck. Totally shy and doesn't socialize well? Gym, baby, gym! A good body is the only currency in this game. 
  What also makes this unique for gay men is one of the other strange quirks of homosexuality. Gay men are attracted to, essentially, themselves. No straight man wants to look like a woman (and certainly not the reverse) but gay men find what they are physically attracted to and often remake their bodies in the image of their ideal mate. Since society tells us to want muscle-bound athletes, that's what gays want, and that's what they make themselves look like in the pursuit of their ideal. If you want to bed muscles you have to have muscles, if you want to land a twink, you better be a twink (or at least some other type that is easily cast in any gay porn movie).
Still, gay men come in all shapes and sizes (embrace the rainbow, people) but still gay culture and iconography is largely dominated by the same juiced-out body type (and awful tribal tattoos) that you'd find on Jersey Shore. While there are plenty of average-physiqued homosexuals (who barely merit mentioning) there has been a reaction to all this body fascism over the past so many years. Yes, the "bear" movement, spearheaded by gay men who are hairier and chubbier than average, is forever gaining steam. Mostly it's because these guys gave up on the regular competition and decided to host a competition of their own. Theirs, instead of relying on protein shakes and bicep curls, relies on barbecue ribs and beer guts. These men only socialize (and sexualize) with other men that are as big and burly as they are. While they might be reversing the normal aesthetic ideals of gay culture and American culture at large, they still discriminate just as much based on physicality as their circuit party-loving brethren.
Doonan is trying to capitalize on those skinny gay men of legend, but what governs them and governs the bear is really the same thing: fear. Many gay men spend their adolescence as outcasts or misfits, and when they finally get to a place where they can join the gay culture at large, they react to their years of social solitude by conforming with the sort of fervor usually reserved for packs of teenage girls. That means looking the part, which, of course, means joining the gym and becoming a regular. It has nothing to do with being healthy or looking good, it has to do with that deep-seated fear that one day you will wake up and it will be just like high school all over again, with people hating you or picking on you for being different. Never again!
That middle-of-the-night terror is not an easy thing to teach, and it's not really the kind of advice that you can slap a sassy cover photo on and get millions of people to pay $22 for. Most gay men get it for free, and now, with this book, you too can be a pariah for years, then enter a conformist culture of casual sex and glistening bodies, followed by a lifetime of hookups with your significant other and the waxed dolphins you pick up on Grindr. That's the secret of how gay men don't get fat.
For me, well, I’d much rather be French.

January 16, 2014

A Mind is an Awful Thing to Have ask the Cop Who Wanted his Wife for Main Coarse


 Robert Kolker writes on the New Yorker Magazine about how the mind of a person, not a criminal or a psychotic coming out of a padded cell but an average Joe can spill out some ugly thought that when heard buy a similar mind can make those ugly thoughts spill out to start a hell of a reality. 

The person in mind here is a cop who wanted to eat his wife. 

When do awful thoughts, shared with complete strangers, become criminal actions? The troubling case—in every direction—of the “cannibal cop.” 

Illustration by Zohar Lazar  

Gilberto Valle was 25 years old and still living with his father in Queens when, in 2009, he met Kathleen Mangan on OKCupid. He was a cheerful, moon-faced cop at a precinct in West Harlem; she was new in town, a young Teach for America recruit at an elementary school in East Harlem. Their romance got serious quickly. They moved to their first apartment, a one-bedroom on 88th Street and Third Avenue. They got a pet, a bulldog they trained together and took turnswalking. Mangan remembers those early years fondly. “It was fun,” she said in court last year, the only time she’s commented publicly about her husband or marriage. “We laughed together. It was nice. He opened doors, pulled out chairs.”


Things changed when she got pregnant. When he first heard the news, Valle said, “I can’t do this,” before salvaging the moment, calling her parents to assure them that he would do the right thing. But he never seemed to fully adjust. Instead, Valle drifted away. “He never seemed very interested at all,” Mangan said. “He was sighing and just seemed miserable that I was wasting his time.”


They moved to a bigger apartment, a two-bedroom in Forest Hills, and were married on June 19, 2012, nine months after the birth of their daughter, Josephine. “The wedding was nice,” Mangan said. “The marriage was not.” She said that Valle rarely helped with the baby. When he came home after midnight from the precinct, she usually wouldn’t wait up. Sex, when it was happening at all, never ended well. “He couldn’t finish,” she said. “He would run to the bathroom.” After a while, he avoided her almost completely, and instead would play video games, watch TV, and go on the Internet “until three, four, five in the morning, or just not come to sleep in our bed.”


When they were up together, she’d see her husband surfing the websites of ESPN, Major League Baseball, and the Rant, a message board for NYPD cops. One day in the summer of 2012, shortly after their wedding, she noticed that he was erasing his search history. Not long after that, she learned what he really was looking at. She opened their Mac and saw that he hadn’t logged out of his account. “I noticed that there were two little files on the bottom,” she said, “so I clicked on them.” They were image files, and while the pictures themselves didn’t load, she was able to see the URL where they’d come from.


She clicked again and saw the home page of a website called Dark Fetish Network. “It was porn,” she said, “and it was disturbing. I mean, I know S&M is kind of popular, like Fifty Shades of Grey, you know, but this seemed different ... The girl on the front page was dead.”


Until that moment, Mangan had thought that if she were prettier, or if she just cleaned and cooked more, he would want her. Now she wasn’t so sure. She told Valle they needed to talk. Was this what he wanted? Should they go shopping for some sex toys? Valle seemed frightened at first, but then relieved and enthusiastic. For the first time since before she was pregnant, she was hopeful. “I thought maybe we had had, like, a breakthrough,” she said, “that we were communicating, that he was going to be honest and talk to me.”


But they both were changed by the ­discovery. She couldn’t stop thinking about what she saw, and he seemed ­suspicious of everything she was doing. On September 9, 2012, she installed spyware on their computer. “I had no choice,” she said. “I was scared.”


The next day, she saw all the websites Valle was visiting: darkfetishnet.com, girlsinabind.com, fetlife.com. She saw her name in his instant-message chats. “And I started clicking on them and all of a sudden I was staring at pictures of me, pictures of my friends, pictures of people we knew.” She entered her name in a search of Valle’s e-mail, and what she saw overwhelmed her. “I was going to be tied up by my feet and my throat slit and they would have fun watching the blood gush out of me because I was young, and ‘If she cries, don’t listen to her, don’t give her mercy.’ And Gil just said, ‘It’s okay, we will just gag her.’ ”


She booked a flight to her parents’ in Nevada, taking the baby with her. Days later, she logged into the spyware program again. She found a trove of S&M images of women being tortured and sexually assaulted. She saw records of Google searches for phrases like “how to kidnap a woman” and “human meat recipes.” She opened files with pictures of more than 80 women he’d downloaded from Facebook and other sources. And she read e-mail conversations Valle had had with three different people in which he discussed the various ways he might kidnap, rape, kill, and cook these women. Mangan was one of them, but there were others: an old friend of hers from work; Valle’s supervisor at the 26th Precinct; a teenage girl who had just graduated from Valle’s old high school; and quite a few of Valle’s college friends—about one of whom he once wrote, “I’ll be eyeing her from head to toe and licking my lips, longing for the day I cram a ­chloroform-soaked rag in her face.”
Gilberto Valle
Illustration by Zohar Lazar   


Shortly after 2 p.m. on October 24, a group of FBI agents descended on the apartment in Forest Hills. To avoid a possible shoot-out with an NYPD officer, they used a ruse to lure Valle into the hallway—calling his house phone and saying the car he had parked outside had been hit. Valle wandered out in a sweatshirt and jeans. The second he saw them, he understood. An agent placed a hand on his shoulder. “Everything’s going to be okay,” he said.


Valle looked at him and said, “I don’t think so.”


In no time, Valle had a tabloid moniker: the Cannibal Cop. As he sat in jail for five months awaiting trial on a charge of conspiracy to kidnap, details from his bail hearings told the story of a husband secretly plotting to abduct several women at once, including his own wife. The FBI singled out e-mails in which he strategized how he’d do it and negotiated fees for kidnappings, and they scanned his work-related computer searches, claiming he shadowed his targets using resources available to him as a law-enforcement officer. “This case is all the more disturbing,” U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara said after the arrest, “when you consider Valle’s position as a New York City police officer and his sworn duty to serve and protect.”


Once the trial started, there seemed to be two different cases being argued. There was the actual charge against Valle—­conspiracy to kidnap—and then there was the subtext that he was technically not on trial for, the specter of what Valle might do in the future if he were allowed to go free. Plenty of aspects of criminal cases involve at least some discussion of how much of a danger the accused poses to society: Judges issue warrants and set bail and sentences all based on some element of prognostication. But what made the case against Valle unique, according to his lawyers, was that absolutely everything the government was using as evidence that he was dangerous was based on his thoughts.


The gory details of the case against Valle were disturbing enough, at first, even to alarm his court-appointed lawyer. “Never in my career have I ever hesitated to tell the marshals to take the handcuffs off the client when I’m interviewing them one-on-one,” says Julia Gatto, the federal public defender assigned to the case. “And this was the first time in my career I’d ever, for just a second, thought about keeping the handcuffs on.” She would think a lot about that moment later on, when considering what the jury would have to get past to decide if Valle’s thoughts alone were criminal.


The line between criminal thoughts and action is something the courts have pondered for decades. While thoughts haven’t always been protected from prosecution (as the witch hunts and red scares and political detentions of many eras demonstrate), there was a time, more than a century ago, when even attempted crimes like theft and murder and kidnapping weren’t considered criminal activity: If you tried to pick someone’s pocket and there was no money in the pocket, then you couldn’t be prosecuted. When attempted crimes first became criminalized in the early 1900s, Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes urged caution, asserting that for the defendant to be convicted, “[t]here must be dangerous proximity to success.”


That standard weakened in the sixties, when a new set of guidelines called the Model Penal Code—a successful effort by the legal community to standardize the criminal code across the nation after a century of inconsistent case law—­replaced the idea of proximity with that of a “substantial step.” For law enforcement, this was a happy coincidence: As violent crime became a more common reality, the police could use a suspect’s state of mind to justify an arrest, as long as that suspect also took at least some real action.


What’s changed in recent years are the tools used to detect intent—namely, a person’s online activity. “We’ve always said you can’t punish for thoughts alone, but now we really know what the thoughts are,” says Audrey Rogers, a law professor at Pace University who has taught the Valle case in class. Since 9/11, the government has used the monitoring of ­electronic communication to bring more than 200 prosecutions against people suspected of providing material support to terrorist organizations. “You expand the definition of a crime by extending it to this sense of what might happen in the ­future,” says Georgetown law professor David Cole.


What’s also changed, perhaps, is the scale of certain crimes—not just 9/11 but Columbine, Aurora, and Sandy Hook—and the way technology has emboldened many to think that anyone with ill intent might be stopped before snapping into action. In 2009, the FBI was reading Najibullah Zazi’s e-mails to Al Qaeda and picked him up before he ever built a fully workable bomb. Just last month, in Arizona, police traced threatening e-mails to a 15-year-old who turned out to own 100 rounds of ammunition; he didn’t own a gun, but after his arrest, police said they’d learned he had researched how to make an explosive device but was unable to procure the parts. And then there are the scores of To Catch a Predator–style stings.
Illustration by Zohar Lazar  

In all these cases, the police said they had physical evidence aside from e-mails to back up arrests. With the Cannibal Cop case, however, the evidence is more diffuse, difficult to interpret, and it might represent the fullest realization yet of our justice system’s march toward something out of Minority Report—the investigation and prosecution of pre-crime.


The Dark Fetish Network, or DFN, is a social network with nearly 50,000 purported users. Members use aliases and share photos and tell stories to one another as a sort of group fantasy exercise. The home page displays a disclaimer stating that everything discussed on DFN is not real (“This place is about fantasies only, so play safe!”). But, of course, the anonymity of the members makes it impossible to know the true intentions of any given person on the site.


Based on what they discovered on ­Valle’s computer, prosecutors said he had only started visiting DFN in late 2011 or early 2012. Valle had signed on as Girlmeat Hunter and won praise from some other members after contributing to the group chats. He started IM-ing directly with those members and exchanging e-mails for offline volleys. By the time his wife had set up spyware in September, Valle had quit DFN, but records of e-mail chats that took place outside DFN with three alleged co-­conspirators remained on his computer: a 22-year-old car mechanic from southern New Jersey named Michael Vanhise; a British man Valle knew as Moody Blues, whom the FBI identified as Dale Bolinger; and someone using the username Ali Khan who apparently was logging on from Pakistan.


In January, Valle had e-mailed Vanhise photos of Alicia Frisca, the friend of ­Kathleen’s who teaches at the school where she once worked, and offered to kidnap her for him for $5,000. Vanhise replied, “Could we do four?” To which Valle responded: “I am putting my neck on the line here. If something goes wrong somehow, I am in deep shit. $5,000 and you need to make sure that she is not found. She will definitely make the news.” In chats happening about the same time with Ali Khan, Valle suggested taking Kathleen on a trip to India, where the two of them would kill her and prepare her for dinner. “We will take turns with her,” he wrote, after sending him a photo of Kathleen in a bikini. They also discussed killing Andria Noble, one of his college friends. “It’s personal with Andria,” Valle wrote. “She will absolutely suffer.” Later, he added that he’d found a recipe for chloroform online. “I’m in the middle of constructing a pulley apparatus in my basement to string her up by her feet.”


By summer, Valle had spent more time chatting with Moody Blues, bragging that his oven was big enough to fit a victim in it if he folded her legs and mentioning that he had a place up in the mountains (“No one around for three-quarters of a mile”) where he could bring one woman of their choice. They settled on Kimberly Sauer, a college friend of Valle’s, and Valle started planning the details: “Once she is dead, I will take her out and properly butcher her body and cook the meat right away. And that could be out on a rotisserie too.” Valle later e-mailed Moody Blues a short Word document titled “Abducting and Cooking Kimberly, a Blueprint.” He listed materials he’d need to do the job: a car, chloroform (“refer to website for directions”), rope, a gag (“duct tape?”), a tarp or plastic bags to protect the trunk from any DNA remains, more bags for Sauer’s clothes, and “cheap sneakers.”


On various occasions in the past year, Valle had used the NYPD database to search for information about Maureen Hartigan (a high-school friend of Valle’s), Andria Noble, and Kimberly Sauer. The searches typically offer basic pedigree information, such as home address, date of birth, height, weight, eye color, and criminal records. Prosecutors saw this as further evidence that Valle’s plans were serious. On July 22, Valle reported having seen Sauer in person at a brunch during a weekend trip to visit old friends from the University of Maryland. “She looked absolutely mouthwatering. I could hardly contain myself.” On August 24, they discussed ways that Valle might kidnap another woman, Kristen Ponticelli, a recent graduate of Valle’s old high school whom he never met personally (Valle’s lawyers assume he just noticed her photo on Facebook). The next day, they moved on to Andria Noble. “If Andria lived near me, she would be gone by now,” Valle wrote. “Even if I get caught, she would be worth it.”


But there was no physical evidence from Valle’s home suggesting he was getting ready to kidnap or cook anyone—no oven large enough for a human, no cleaver, no homemade chloroform. Prosecutors had no proof he had a place in the mountains. They had no proof that Valle knew the identities of the three people he was chatting with. Valle never divulged the last names of any of the people whose photos he passed along (not even his wife’s) and never gave out any of their addresses, even after Moody Blues ­specifically requested one, and he haphazardly switched up details about their life stories and college educations.
Illustration by Zohar Lazar  

And perhaps most important, Valle’s DFN user profile announces that he is just fantasizing—that he doesn’t mean what he says. The kidnapping plans in the chats and web searches of women who interested him all come and go without follow-through, like fantasies one resumes with different names and details. “Three different women were going to be kidnapped on Presidents’ Day,” says Edward Zas, another of Valle’s defense lawyers. “That day comes and goes, nothing happens. Then it was going to be Labor Day. Nothing.”


Even so, the defense understood the task ahead of them—how to make a jury get past the image of the Cannibal Cop. “The only way you can defend this case practically was to take on the burden of convincing this jury somehow, really to a certainty, that he could never do this,” says Zas. “And how do you do that in a case where the guy is admittedly interested in this stuff?”


On the afternoon of ­December 31, 2012, a forensic psychiatrist named Park Dietz traveled downtown to the Manhattan Detention Center to conduct a psychiatric examination of the Cannibal Cop.


No one on either side of this case had ever claimed that Valle was insane. But since the case against him revolved almost entirely around his chats, Valle’s lawyers felt they needed a forensic ­psychiatrist to weigh in on the central question of how real his web persona was—and how real it might become. And very few marquee-name criminals of the last three decades have made it through the justice system without being ­examined by Dietz. In his 30-year career, he’s interviewed John Hinckley Jr., Betty Broderick, Arthur Shawcross, Andrea Yates, and Joel Rifkin.


Pre-crime and psychiatry often go hand in hand. Legal instruments like institutionalization and sex-offender registration all share the goal of preventing crime from taking place, and for better or worse, they’re based on a psychiatric rationale. Those opinions, however, have a fairly poor track record when it comes to forecasting future behavior. For pedophiles and other potential sex offenders, every diagnostic tool has a spotty success rate in predicting when a person might go operational with his fantasies. (With ­Valle, Dietz employed elements of the Static-99, one straightforward assessment geared toward predicting recidivism for rapists and child molesters, and saw no red flags.)


Still, being able to anticipate behavior remains the holy grail to some in law enforcement. “We need to understand more about the signs that show somebody is either becoming deranged or becoming a terrorist,” former Homeland Security boss Michael Chertoff said after the 2012 shootings in Aurora, Colorado. The military is at work on a way of predicting suicidal behavior, tracking soldiers through stressful situations like divorces and beefing up screening in basic training and before and after deployments. Last October, Attorney General Eric Holder recommended “new strategies” to prevent mass shootings, citing how the FBI helped to disrupt or prevent nearly 150 shootings and violent attacks in 2013, in part by steering potential attackers toward ­mental-health professionals.


What Dietz potentially had to offer the Valle defense was something similar to all these systematic attempts at pre-crime analysis. The doctor already knew from Valle’s NYPD psychology file that the officer had been administered the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory, a standard test meant to identify personality structure and detect signs of ­psychopathology. “The MMPI showed no clinical psychopathology,” ­Dietz says. “And that’s not something I run into very much.”


But then there were those e-mails. When he’d first read them, Dietz honestly didn’t know what to think. “From the chats and e-mails, there was no way to tell. Chats and e-mails allow for multiple inferences. Taken at their worst, they would be very alarming.”


In eighteen hours of interviews with Dietz spanning three days, Valle discussed openly, for the first time with another human being, everything about his sex life, starting with a traditional ­Catholic-school childhood. He was not inhibited or ashamed about masturbation, but he was repressed and inhibited around others. “He was quite shy about approaching girls,” Dietz says, “in a way I haven’t seen since the fifties.” His fantasy life took a turn when in high school he saw the filmThe Mask and locked in on an image of Cameron Diaz, abducted and tied up. By the end of high school, he discovered bondage websites, and in college he found fetish websites, including Muki’s Kitchen, a campy site that specializes in staged cannibalism pornography—women tied up on spits, with apples in their mouths. Valle was turned on while, in real life, he treated women respectfully, never threatened anyone, and did not have sex at all, until he met Kathleen Mangan. And then he discovered DFN.

The very thing that might have offered Valle some release—speaking openly about his fetish—was too explosive for him to contemplate. So he kept it all a secret for as long as he could. Once he was sharing his secret with strangers on the Internet (the basis of the government’s conspiracy argument), is it possible that that danger, that risk, only made it more exciting to Valle, harder for him to stop, and easier for him to escalate into action?


“I understand how the evidence could be construed in that way,” says Dietz. “I see him as many, many steps removed from the kind of person that might start to take action.” Dietz is convinced that “to become a sex criminal acting on your paraphilia, you need more than your paraphilia.” He searched for evidence of something in Valle’s personality—“all the past actions and aggressive actions and character flaws that show us that he’s that one-in-1,000 monster. And I couldn’t find them.” By Dietz’s reckoning, the circumstances surrounding the chats speak volumes about how ludicrous they were. If Valle ever had a fleeting thought of actually harming a woman, Dietz says, “he certainly did everything in his power to ensure that he would be immediately identified as the offender if he did so,” using a traceable IP address and a shared computer. Even Valle’s repeated web searches for chloroform recipes or the addresses of the women he fantasized about failed to concern Dietz. “This is just like a man who has a fetish who will repeatedly go back and look at the same picture of a woman wearing a particular kind of undergarment.”


This opinion, of course, might be as suspect as any other in a pre-crime case, so Valle’s lawyers would have to employ it carefully. But even if psychiatry still offers no crystal ball for human behavior, Dietz was telling them that Valle’s thoughts, while unpleasant, were less than ominous.


“He’s the nicest guy you’d ever meet,” Dietz says.


The image of Valle as a nice guy never really emerged during last year’s trial. His wife’s tearful testimony set a darker tone early on. When she was asked in cross-examination why she refused to be interviewed by Valle’s lawyers before the trial, Mangan snapped: “You ­represent the man who wanted to kill me. No. I do not want to talk to you.”


So much of the prosecution’s case ended up being about the e-mails that Valle’s lawyers decided not to put Dietz or Valle on the stand, believing more detailed questions about Valle’s fetish would only distract from the conspiracy charges, which they saw as flimsy. During summations on March 7, Valle wept as he listened to his lawyer describe how his wife had left him because of the way he broadcast his fetish. “His foolishness on the Internet, his insensitive, ugly thoughts, have cost him everything,” Gatto said. She allowed that we all should be disturbed by Valle’s thoughts but drove home the notion that those thoughts simply weren’t the subject of the trial. “The conversations are ­preposterous. They are disturbing. They are disgusting. We should be upset that people are thinking these thoughts, but they are not criminal.”


The prosecutor, meanwhile, depicted Valle as reckless and out of control. In his summation, Randall Jackson referred back to Valle’s web searches for Kristen Ponticelli’s address. “There is something incredibly wrong just on that fact with a New York City police officer talking about killing a high-school student and then Googling to try to get information about her address,” Jackson said. “That is a man who is trying to move a plan into action.”


Then he argued the pre-crime case head-on. “Think about your favorite restaurant … If you were to find out that the chef at that restaurant had a deep-seated fantasy of poisoning all of the people in the restaurant, and that night after night he was engaging in conversations with other people about how he could poison the restaurant-goers at his restaurant, that he was researching online the different poisons, that he was communicating with people the names of certain other people who come to his restaurant all the time and saying, ‘I can’t wait to see this person drop dead when they taste this cyanide filling up their throat.’ If you found out about that and he said, ‘Oh, this is just my fantasy,’ would you continue to eat at that restaurant? Of course you wouldn’t.”


On March 12, the jury announced that they’d found Valle guilty. Valle shook his head and was taken away. His mother, who’d been there every day, asked, “What trial were they watching?” And Gatto told reporters, “This was a thought prosecution … The jury couldn’t get past the thoughts.”


At least one member of the jury disagreed. “We did what we did in good conscience,” Victor Pineiro told reporters. “Clearly, we believed his fantasy was going to step into reality … I think like an addict needs a larger and larger dose, he was needing things that were more and more real and he was progressing … He was bringing it into real life.”


Gatto, looking back, has come to think the defense’s big mistake may have been assuming the jury would recognize just how over-the-top implausible these messages were—and not be terrified by them. “It’s the most heartbreaking verdict I can ever imagine,” she says. “You have to buy into the idea that it’s all make-believe. Then it becomes almost comical.” She and her colleagues have petitioned the judge to throw out the verdict, arguing, in part, that the prosecution had turned it into a pre-crime case, scaring the jury with thoughts of what might happen. The judge is expected to decide on the motion imminently. If he upholds the conviction, Valle faces up to life in prison.

The FBI didn’t walk away from the Dark Fetish Network after Valle’s arrest. On January 4, 2013, they arrested Vanhise at his home in Hamilton, New Jersey. The 22-year-old admitted to the police that he had violent sexual fantasies, some even involving children. But his wife, Bolice, defended him as a “big teddy bear” and noted that she’d known about his fetish before they got married. “I was cool with it,” she told reporters. “It’s disturbing, yeah. But you have to accept your partner’s flaws in a marriage … I’m not perfect. He’s not perfect.”


In April, working from information provided by Vanhise, the FBI arrested two more men who had been chatting with one another on DFN: Richard Meltz, a 65-year-old police chief in Bedford, Massachusetts, and Robert Asch, a 61-year-old former librarian at ­Stuyvesant High School who in 2009 had been arrested and accused of inappropriately touching four male students (the charges were later dropped). Unlike Valle, these men’s actions in the physical world were unambiguous: Asch and Meltz had both met with an undercover agent; at a ­meeting, Asch brought with him a bag containing a Taser, meat hammer, skewers, and a dental retractor. Along with Vanhise, they are scheduled to go to trial later this month. “You might say they learned from Gil, and that they needed this person to commit a substantive act,” says Zas. “The only substantive act they had from Gil was a brunch.”


Last spring, Dale Bolinger (a.k.a. Moody Blues) told the Post that all his conversations with Valle were fantasy. “None of this is real,” he said. “I’m an asshole. I’m an idiot … It was my stupidity, because I went and put stupid things online, thinking that it was funny.” He was arrested last November by British authorities working with the FBI. His next court date is in February.


Dietz, for his part, has no problem with monitoring chat rooms on the DFN or elsewhere for possible offenders. “I’m not someone who looks around for wrongful convictions. I don’t want to be an advocate. And I guarantee you that on this same website they can find people you can go after.” The Valle case, in his view, demonstrates what happens when a prosecution takes place without any sense of what does and doesn’t constitute a dangerous mind.

Intro: Adam Gonzalez

December 5, 2012

Are You at Risk of Sex Addiction? Who is?



JOANNA MOORHEAD  on a secret that's ruining more and more lives: Both men and women

A few months before their wedding, David Prior (not his real name) told his fiancée Sue his biggest secret. Although the couple had a good sex life, and were committed to a future together, he was addicted to visiting prostitutes.
  
Perhaps surprisingly, the wedding went ahead. "I was horribly shocked, but I thought that with some therapy he'd get over it," says Sue, 42. Fifteen years and two children on, the couple are still together – but David's sex addiction, too, is with him still. "I don't think we could possibly have imagined that it would be as long-term, or as difficult, as it has been," says Sue.

David and Sue are clients of a sexual psychotherapist, Paula Hall, who last month published the UK's first comprehensive guide to what sex addiction is – she defines it as "a pattern of out-of-control sexual behaviour that causes problems in someone's life" – and how its sufferers can be helped. No one knows how many sex addicts there are in Britain but, says Ms Hall, in her professional judgement it's hugely on the increase.
"I run training sessions on understanding sex addiction, and four years ago I might have been training six therapists a year," she says. "Now I'm doing 20 sessions annually, with an average of 30 therapists at each. And when you ask them why they're here they all give the same answer: more and more clients are presenting with sex addiction, and they want to know more about how to help them."
No one understands what the rise in sex addiction is entirely about but internet porn, Ms Hall says, has got to be part of it. "Porn is like the gateway drug. Just as with cannabis and cocaine, many people will use the gateway drug and never become addicted; but others most definitely will. And unlike drugs or alcohol, users don't even realise they're dealing with something that might prove to be addictive."
The easy availability of porn gives people in high-stress jobs a way of dealing with their pressurised lifestyle. "We're seeing more soldiers who've done tours in Afghanistan and have used internet porn as a means of escape," Ms Hall says. "And as with alcohol, using porn to soothe the pressures of life isn't bad in itself – unless and until it becomes addictive, and is the only way you can escape from your problems."
In researching her book, Ms Hall surveyed 350 people who described themselves as addicted to sex, 25 per cent of whom were women. "The proportion of women addicts surprised me," she says. "And what surprised me even more was the number who are using porn: 90 per cent of the men I surveyed, and 74 per cent of the women, said they were heavy porn-users. We have this idea that women are into relationship sex while men are more visually stimulated, so this seemed to fly in the face of that."
The biggest problem for sex addicts, Ms Hall says, is that it's seen as a moral deficiency rather than a mental illness. Also, despite the increase in people seeking therapy, most of those affected still try to deal with it alone – and the fallout can be devastating. "In my survey I asked people what the worst consequence of their addiction was, and the answers were truly terrible," she says. "People had lost their families, they'd lost their homes and gone bankrupt, they were depressed, even suicidal, and they felt unable to embark on a proper relationship."
One respondent said he was a 30-year-old virgin who has never had a girlfriend or dated. "Porn has distorted my view of real women and I now think my natural libido is not what it should be," he explained. "Porn has been a comfort blanket for my anxieties but at the same time helped to increase them while stopping me from facing up to my problems and living my life to the full."
What's also interesting about her research, Ms Hall says, is how young sex addiction starts: of the people she surveyed, 40 per cent were under 16 and nearly 10 per cent were under 10 years old when their problems started.
For David Prior, though, the problem started later: he was in his mid-twenties when he started to visit prostitutes and realised his problems were deeper than just getting a sexual kick. "I was in a very unhappy relationship, and I now realise that was echoing the difficult relationship I'd had with my mother," he says. "Seeing a prostitute became a way of escape; and even when I met Sue and started what became a good relationship with her, I still needed the fix of seeing sex workers.
"The strange thing was, and is, that it's never been about fun or enjoyment: the thing I craved, and still do crave, is the feeling of shame. One of the biggest ironies about sex addiction is that it's only marginally about sex; like all addicts, what it's really about is being unable to process or deal with something difficult in your life, whether it's unhappiness, boredom or frustration."
For sex addicts, the nature of their addiction gives them additional problems. "If I was an alcoholic or a drug addict, people would be sympathetic and would want to help," David says. "But with sex addiction it's completely different; people moralise it, they can't possibly deal with it. I couldn't possibly tell anyone I know about my addiction, so it's a very lonely thing to deal with – and of course as for all addicts, the first step to overcoming it is admitting it's going on.
"Another problem is that, unlike other addictions, you can't decide to give it up: I can't say I'll be celibate, because I'm a married man and I want a healthy sex life with my wife."
For now, David says, his addiction is under control. It's at least two years since he visited a sex worker, and these days he limits his "fix" to seeking out sexual thrills, and then walking away from them. "I act it out by going to some dodgy place – but when I'm offered a hand job or whatever, I leave without going through with it," he says. "I get the sense of shame, but I don't actually participate in the sex act." But still there are dangers. "I'm a senior manager, and I have a responsible job," he says. "If anyone who knew me at work saw me coming out of one of those places, that could be the end of everything, the end of being able to provide for my family, the end of my career. The stakes are very high."
So how can sex addicts be helped? A big breakthrough for many, says Ms Hall – who chairs the Association for the Treatment of Sex Addiction and Compulsivity – is realising they're not alone. "Many people with this problem believe they're the only one with it – so finding out that there are good people out there struggling in exactly the same way really boosts their self-esteem," she says.
Therapy focuses on understanding what addicts are anaesthetising themselves against, and finding healthy, alternative ways to meet their needs. Beyond this, Ms Hall says, the key lies in finding practical ways of preventing them from relapsing. "I advise clients to block adult content on the internet, and to avoid people or places that trigger their need for sex. But the big problem is that it's a lot harder to avoid these triggers in our age than in the past, because porn is accessible in so many ways, and in so many situations."
'Understanding and Treating Sex Addiction' by Paula Hall is published by Routledge (£19.99)

Are you at risk of sex addiction?

Paula Hall identifies six factors that make people more vulnerable to sex addiction:
* Early sexualisation: it's known that early alcohol use changes the chemistry of the brain in ways that make alcoholism more likely, and it's possible that something similar could happen to a brain that is exposed to sexual images and behaviour before it is ready to react to them.
* Adolescent isolation: experiencing trauma between the ages of nine and 13, or feeling isolated as a teenager for any reason, can increase the chances of becoming addicted to sex.
* Over-controlling parenting: people who have been too controlled as children are less able to handle risk-taking, and this could predispose them to sex addiction.
* Limited modelling of emotional regulation: growing up without good role-models for emotional regulation can leave people dependent on external factors to manage their emotions, because they can't handle them for themselves.
* Childhood shame: thinking of sex as shameful leads people to think of sex as secretive, and makes it harder to normalise it as a healthy part of ordinary life.
* Family secrets: a hidden issue in a family can set a person up for a situation where having two separate parts to life is normal, even attractive.

June 7, 2012

Is your Son or Nephew a Psychopath? 10 signs to Look For


We’re not saying you’r kid is like the deranged boy in Tilda Swinton’s ‘We Need To Talk About Kevin’, but we compiled a list of the 10 red flag behaviors to watch for!

HollyMoms, do you have a trouble maker child who just won’t stop, like the one inWe Need To Talk About Kevin? Does your child show no remorse for their bad behavior? Signs of psychosis are more common than you think, according to a new study.
In a Daily Mail report, Professor Paul Frick, who has studied child psychopathy, said not to worry about sibling conflict at home. Frick said the red flags are when”they are constantly hurting people in a cold and calculated manner, in many different situations.”
He lists the the 10 signs to look out for:
1.  They persistently hurt, bully or fight others, or violate their rights by stealing or vandalising.
2.  They break major rules, such as running away from home or staying out late.
3.  They show no guilt when told off for doing wrong, e.g., pushing another child into the road.
4.  They show a persistent callous disregard for other people’s feelings — not just siblings (e.g., pushing another child off a swing and being unmoved by their distress).
5.  They persistently don’t care about how well they do in, say, school, even when the expectations are clear and they are capable.
6.  They seem cold and unfeeling, only showing emotions to intimidate or manipulate.
7.  They blame others for their mistakes, rather than accept responsibility themselves.
8.  They are fearless and like doing novel and dangerous activities.
9.  They are unmoved by the threat of punishment (e.g., ‘if you do that, I am going to take away your bike’).
10.  They are highly motivated by reward or what they’ll get out of something, even if it hurts others (e.g., stealing).

February 1, 2012

What Does The Psychiatric Community Says About The Gay "Life Style”?

Dr. Jack Drescher, is a psychiatrist based in New York City. He is also a member of the APA’s DSM-5 Workgroup on Sexual and Gender Identity Disorders. He says:

 “The American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from its list of mental disorders in 1973 and the World Health Organization removed homosexuality from its international classification of diseases in 1990.”

But what about “the homosexual lifestyle?” Has medical science concluded that it is “dangerous?”

That is not really stating a medical issue,” Drescher said about Daniels’ comments. “She’s really stating something about the perception that everyone who is gay is leading a promiscuous sexual life and the promiscuous sexual life may lead to increased health risks. 

“Religious social conservatives call that ‘the gay lifestyle,’ even though that’s as absurd a phrase as ‘the heterosexual lifestyle.’ There are sexually promiscuous heterosexuals and there are risk-taking heterosexuals. It’s not really a medical issue. It’s a culture wars issue.”

Drescher adds that the cause of one’s sexual orientation (be it biological or environmental, or some combination of the two) remains an unknown. He also says sexual orientation is considered a "fixed" trait that, with very few exceptions, is unlikely to change.

What’s more, he says, the medical and scientific consensus on these matters is solid.

“We have two parallel culture tracks going on,” Drescher said. “We have a strongly anti-scientific, religiously-based cultural belief that is based on ancient texts that believes homosexuality is immoral. Certain people are entitled to their religious beliefs, but they aren’t scientific beliefs at all. It’s unfortunate when people try to masquerade their religious beliefs in guise of science.”


(logo by wikipedia)


Amazon SearchBox Use it for All Meerchandise

The Forest Needs help

Summer Athlete

Adamfoxie Blog Int.

Adamfoxie Blog Int.
Amazon

ONE

ONE
Relief World Hunger

Taylor Made 2016 Family Clubs

Click Here To Get Anything by Amazon- That will keep US Going

Amazon EcHo

Blog Archive/White No# Stories per Month/year

Popular Posts

Everyday at the Movies

Orangutans ARE Part of the Forest

The Gay Man in You♥ or Him