Remember earlier this year when Amber Rose suggested that Kanye West enjoys anal penetration?
Awww @kanyewest are u mad I'm not around to play in ur asshole anymore? #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch
It was a silly exposure of bedroom antics that highlighted a taboo subject related to male sexuality: saying a man enjoys anal sex is basically a gay slur.
While Amber may not have been insinuating that Kanye’s #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch-ness made him same sex oriented, the subtext of her Tweet was one of emasculation, that his enjoying a little butt play makes him inferior.
Ironically, the act is one of the safer sex practices and, according to a popular 2010 study, anal sex had a huge rise with women. Why? Because anal sex heightens pleasure—for everyone.
“It feels good,” sex therapist Dr. Christine Milrod told ATTN: by email. “That’s why most people have recreational (not procreational) sex. Feeling good from intense orgasms when the prostate is stimulated makes men relaxed and ready to face the rest of their daily lives.”
As Dr. Milrod pointed out by email, a National Survey Of Family Growth survey revealed “44 percent of straight men reported having anal sex at least once in their lives." Though this data doesn't indicate what percentage of men have been on the receiving end of anal sex, Dr. Milrod said stigmas surrounding the act are dying.
“The stigma will most likely fade away as all varieties [of] sexual behavior become more accepted and Millennials disclose more of their behaviors openly in a variety of media," she said.
Dr. Carol Queen — sexologist at Good Vibrations and author of The Sex & Pleasure Book — concurred via email with ATTN:. "It’s believed that anal is THE way gay men have sex, and that one man must take on the 'female role.' ... It’s not just homophobia but also butt-phobia, because of the way that anal is associated with feces and dirt; though oddly, this stigma dissolves a bit when women are on the receiving end.”
If men are nervous to bring up the subject, there are ways to work around the stigma that Amber Rose highlighted. “If men are ‘scared,’ the best way to deal with it is on an individual level,” Dr. Milrod said by email. “People have been having anal sex for as long as homo sapiens have existed, but that still doesn’t encourage a lot of men. If the partner questions their sexuality, the best way to deal with this is to inform the partner of statistics.”
Dr. Queen had a good follow up to this in an email. "It can also take a guy out of the masculine 'I am a sex machine, always on' role, and [help him] learn about receptivity and allowing someone else to wear the cock. Plus: [it provides] insight about these things, which is very valuable, and about what it may be like for women to have penetrative sex. It could certainly make a guy into a more aware and conscious lover."
Knowledge is power, clearly — as is talking with your partner about sex and respecting each other. Dr. Milrod continued: “Be open with your partner and tell him/her that you want to explore your entire body — that includes the anus. You can start with a feather and get your anus tickled on the outside. If this is pleasurable, you can go on with getting rimmed with your partner’s tongue. You can proceed to a prostate massager so that your prostate is stimulated while you either masturbate or have your partner give you a hand job. Your partner can also insert a butt plug or tiny dildo.”
Here are a few words of warning.
Anal sex, no matter your gender or sexual identity, requires some finesse and hygienic maintenance. “Be clean; this means giving yourself an enema or defecating and then washing carefully with mild soap and warm water before embarking on anal penetration,” Dr. Milrod said. “If your partner wants to stick a finger inside your anus, be sure that s/he has no ragged fingernails as this can hurt. And clean hands are a must, too. If you are squeamish, use gloves. If there are no gloves, a condom over a finger can work, as long as it doesn’t slip.”
“Use plenty of water-based lube and instruct your partner to go slow. If you are using a prostate massager on yourself, you will feel when you clamp up: relax by deep breathing. If you are anally rimmed, tell your partner to brush his/her teeth and rinse with mouthwash. And wash the sex toys afterwards.”
As expected, lube is your friend with this: Dr. Milrod recommended silicone lube for person-to-person interaction and water based when using condoms.
If this conversation hasn’t excited a desire to try something new in bed, know this: no sexual activity is tied to a sexuality. That is just an antiquated stereotype, a bad rumor spread to scare people from exploring. “ANY activity that one gender or orientation likes might be enjoyed by another!" Dr. Queen said. "Getting out of boxes like this frees us up in our sex lives."
"There are only human sexual behaviors,” Dr. Milrod said. “Whatever you might consider ‘gay’ is also practiced by non-gay individuals.”
Originally posted on attn.com
UPDATE: The Amount of Straight Men Having Sex with Other Men has Double in the U.S.
The number of Americans who say they have had sexual experience with the same sex has doubled since the early 1990s, according to a new study published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior.
The percentage of women who had sex with at least one other woman more than doubled between the early 1990s and the 2010s, from 3.6 percent to 8.7 percent, and the percentage of men who had sex with at least one other man nearly doubled, from 4.5 percent to 8.2 percent, according to the study, called, "Changes in American Adults' Reported Same-Sex Sexual Experiences and Attitudes, 1973–2014."
The increase in same-sex sexual experience appeared consistently across all age groups up to those in their 50s and inconsistently for those in their 60s, 70s, and up, says the study, conducted by researchers at Florida Atlantic University, San Diego State University and Widener University.
The research, which analyzed nearly 34,000 responses to the the General Social Survey, adds that the percentage of people who have had sex with both men and women also increased from 3.1 percent in 1990 to 7.7 percent.
The largest increases in same-sex experiences were reported from the Midwest and South, the study says.
Among men, the youngest and oldest generations had the smallest proportion, 7.5 percent, reporting gay sex from 2010 to 2014. Among baby boomers, it was 8.2 percent, and 9 percent among Generation X.
"What we're seeing is this movement toward more sexual freedom," the Time magazine quotes study author Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at SDSU, as saying. "There's more freedom for people to do what they want without following the traditional, often now seen as outdated, social rules about who you're supposed to have sex with and when."
Attitudes toward same-sex sexual behavior also became substantially more accepting between the early 1970s and early 2010s. By 2014, 49 percent of American adults believed that same-sex sexual activity was "not wrong at all," up from 11 percent in 1973 and 13 percent in 1990, says the study.
"The cultural change of the last few decades extends beyond simple tolerance of gay, lesbian, and bisexual individuals and their civil rights to include acceptance of same sex sexuality and the freedom to engage in same-sex sexuality — or at least the freedom to report one has done so on a survey," the researchers concluded. "Either way, Americans have experienced a fundamental shift toward acceptance of same-sex sexual behavior and a greater willingness to engage in it."