Music Composer Rufus Wainwright Speaks About His Coming Out

Wainwright and his husband, German 

Wainwright and his husband, German arts administrator Jörn Weisbrodt, in 2010

Wainwright in 2010 at the Metropolitan Operaopening night of Das Rheingold

Writing music is my greatest joy – and a complete disease. It never stops aggravating me and there are times when, if I can't get a song out, I have physical aches and pains.

I can highly recommend growing up surrounded by lots of women. My sisters, mother [the late folk musician Kate McGarrigle], aunts and grandmother were all fascinating to me. I basked in the attention as the only male and I was pretty gay from a young age – into cut-out dolls, Judy Garland, dressing up. They fussed over me a lot.

I was breast-struck by Jamie Lee Curtis. I idolised her as a 10-year-old, and when she was starring in A Fish Called Wanda my dad went to introduce us. I knocked on her door, she opened it, and my first thought was: "Oh my God, she has amazing breasts!" It was the first and last time I've liked a pair of tits as much.

Coming out to my parents was a nightmare. They reacted horrifically. There was fear, worry, shouting. I can't blame them. I was 18 and if you were a gay male in the late 80s you were basically presumed dead because of the Aids epidemic.

My daughter finishing her broccoli is, these days, on a par with having a worldwide number one record for me. Viva [his child with friend Lorca Cohen, daughter of Leonard] has changed my life – I'm in awe of her. Children seem so much more advanced than us boring adults, as if they're hooked up to another plane.

Miley Cyrus makes being dumb look so easy. You have to admire calculated stupidity to a certain degree.

Going to the opera is a spiritual experience. There's a sense of communion when I'm there. Don't get me wrong – I love the Virgin Mary, her outfits are fabulous. But I definitely feel there's some force for good that's been with me through life, and I think that comes from all the dead great composers.

Boarding school was like being in Brideshead Revisited, and I was lord of the manor. I was 14 and I had to get away from my mother. Our relationship was getting a little weird – we were so close. We were drinking and partying together and had a fantastic time, but I needed to find my own orbit in order to grow.

I'm indebted to Elton John. I think of him with a certain reverence. He helped me out when I was at my lowest [John got Wainwright into rehab in 2003]. He's a friend, but I don't feel as if I can just ring him up to shoot the breeze – he's the king.

My relationship with my husband has defined me. In the past 10 years, Jörn [Weisbrodt] has taught me to chill out and not take myself so seriously. He's eternally patient. He's also very tall, and everything is in proportion.

I'm doing battle with middle-age spread. It's the first thing I notice on other men these days. Do they have a belly? Are they working out? I'm right on the edge of getting fat and I don't want to be the only one.

Vibrate: The Best of Rufus Wainwright was released yesterday on Universal.Rufus Wainwright plays Usher Hall, Edinburgh on 5 March and Theatre Royal, London on 6 April

• pic: Wiki theguardian.com

Wainwright acknowledged that he was gay while a teenager. In 1999, he told Rolling Stone that his father recognized his homosexuality early on. "We'd drive around in the car, he'd play 'Heart of Glass' and I'd sort of mouth the words, pretend to be Blondie. Just a sign of many other things to come as well." Wainwright later said in another interview that his "mother and father could not even handle me being gay. We never talked about it really."