Does HIV Plus and Minus Mix in Bed?

                                                                         

National testing day is coming on June 27 and in dedication of this event I will like to publish a posting on PositiveLite.com AUTHOR // Christian Dolan whowrites about his attempting to date HIV negative individuals (unknowns) with known HIV+ individuals like himself.

Just before I go into that subject let me just say that those people that call them selves positive without having a current HIV test while they are current having sex while not in a monogamous relationship do themselves and everyone else such a disservice. If someone thinks that their balls would drop off if they were tested, let me tell you it is not so! However is better to always go for the truth and if you find your self in a situation in which someone has the courage to tell you and unless you have done it yourself, you don’t know how much courage it takes, particularly if you are telling someone that you like and is plain he likes you that your are HIV+. So going back to my point which is you have not been tested or your not current just say so. Some guys get a kick of implying that they are current negative. It’s like they need a pad in the back for something they haven’t done nor accomplished. The best way to protect your health and the humanity of our community is go and get tested. If you want it to be all private now you can do it in the privacy of your bathroom. And only for the price of a few of those colorful cocktails that are so popular.

The next subject that blows some people’s mind if they have one is dating in honesty when both sides know how they stand on HIV but it doesn’t match. No body should start a relationship with someone they feel uncomfortable with but I can tell you if someone falls for you and you for them, the last thing any of the two are going to let stand on your way is (+) or an (-). At least in my life.

Christian Dolan has a dilemma but because the way he is conducting himself might not be they way I or many would I need to ad the following so we know where we stand.  Let me just ad that as the current information and latest meds become widely known and used ….there are people that don’t even take the meds for themselves, they take it for their contact (s)because the antiretrovirals can bring the virus to an undetectable level which will make it at least 95% less likely that the virus will be transmitted if a condom were to break or such.
{{Adam}}

Now I give you the story of Christian:

It's weird because before I used go on dates and think, ‘Ooh, I hope this guy likes my personality, looks and interests’, and now I just think, ‘Well, I hope he is okay with me being HIV-positive’.

As I'm writing this article I'm nearing the end of my ten-day blitz tour around Europe with some amazing people who just seven days ago were a bunch of strangers, and now some are my friends. I feel like we are a mini family. I'm sitting by a rapid lake overlooking the Swiss Alps and thinking how far I've come since discovering my status - and I'm proud of that. I disclosed my status to a few people on this trip who have been awesome and really understanding. They haven't judged me, but then I suppose they’re not dating me.

Now, when it comes to my personal experience with dating, I've had a variety of reactions. I remember my first date after splitting with my ex-partner. I’m normally quite confident on dates, but this time I was a nervous wreck. I was so scared, and all I could think was, ‘When do I tell him?’ You question yourself, ‘Do I do it now, or wait a couple of dates?’ Then you begin to question when on that date is it suitable to tell them?

I decided to go down the route of online dating. I hid my status on my online profile and thought I would let people get to know me as a person then I would disclose my status to them.

My first date was with a guy called Jamie. He was younger than me and I told him after a couple of dates. He was negative and said he was fine with it.

After a few more dates we were becoming close and it got to the point of intimacy but he found an excuse to put it off. I asked if it was because of my status and he said to me it wasn't, but I wasn’t convinced because he couldn't actually give me any valid excuse.

How could I blame him? I began to wonder how I would react. I had never come across someone who was positive whilst I was negative, but I began to wonder what I would have done in the same situation. I thought I would probably have done the same thing. Especially if I wasn't educated on HIV, which at that time I wasn't as much as I thought I was. 

Eventually he just stopped contacting me. So I thought, ‘Well, that was just the first person’, so feeling determined I went online again and found another date.

This guy was also negative and I decided I wasn't going to waste any time and told him immediately. He said he was fine with it and that he had dated a positive guy in the past. So I thought, ‘Okay cool’. We got close and feelings started to develop. We got intimate and things were great. He was a lot older than me so I thought maybe it was down to maturity, but after a few months we both realised it wasn’t really working out and grew apart, for reasons unrelated to my status.

Months passed and I began to wonder if I was becoming too picky, but then I began dating a guy who was positive. He was tall, dark, and handsome and everything I loved in a man. We got very close very quickly and the whole act of intimacy was relaxed as I obviously wasn't in fear I would pass on anything to him with us both being HIV-positive. 

Still not on medication, I'm not undetectable, but we had a mutual understanding and things seemed so perfect, but this changed quickly when I realised he wanted an open relationship. I have nothing against open relationships, they just aren’t for me. I'm also a very jealous person so knew this just wasn’t what I wanted. So again I was back to square one.

There's great stigma here in England, as I'm sure is in other places in the world, where you come across a lot of people who think just because both of you are positive, you may as well go crazy as it were, and sleep with a load of guys together. This worried me as I began to wonder if I would find someone who was positive who would be happy in a monogamous relationship. 

In the interim I dated other guys, both negative and positive. Alas, they didn't last, for one reason or another. I had met guys on nights out and told them straight away, some were up front said they don't think they could date someone positive and I said that I understood and I was fine with that.

Every once in a while, though, I would question myself and ask, ‘Is it REALLY okay though?’ Maybe some of you guys reading this can help me answer this question, as I really don't know.

After a string of failed dates I am still single. I am happy as I am, but ideally I would like a relationship, however it's not the be all and end all because I'm not in one yet. I just need to find my Prince Charming, be that someone positive or negative. The rule is to treat people the way you wish to be treated, so don’t make snap judgements. Don't assume that every man out there is going to run a mile the minute you disclose your status and just as importantly you shouldn’y judge them for being negative. Trust me, I've seen it happen.  It's a very sad but very true fact of life. This does happen! 

We don't judge people for their race, gender or sexuality and this should also be the case for someone's status.

As the old saying goes, 'Honesty is the best policy,' and if someone doesn't want you for who you are then they don't deserve you and you can do better. We all have our special person out there, we just need to find them!