Mormon, Married with Kids and Gay

Josh and Laurel "Lolly" Weed seem to have it all -- three beautiful kids, a wonderful home and a deep and unflinching devotion to their Mormon faith.

But on their tenth wedding anniversary this summer, they decided it was time to unleash a secret so sensitive, so personal, they weren't sure what the church's reaction would be.

"I just thought, 'he is wanting to be more authentic about this part of his life,'" Lolly said, and remembered telling her husband, "I think you need--you want, to be more open about this."

So in a 6,000-word posting on Josh's website, a blog written mostly for friends and family, the Weeds announced to the world that Josh was gay.

"I am gay, I am Mormon, I am married to a woman. I am happy every single day. My life is filled with joy. I have wonderful sex life. All of these things are true whether your mind allows you to believe them or not," Josh wrote.

(Watch the full story on "Nightline" tonight at 11:35 p.m. ET/PT)

This is where a seemingly normal family turns into a social experiment that challenges what it means to be a faithful member of the Mormon church, what it means to be gay and live in a heterosexual marriage.

Weed's announcement has also touched off a debate among other gay Mormons, who see The Church Of Latter Day Saints slowly evolving on the issue of homosexuality. Some worry that this unorthodox couple is sending a dangerous message to other families dealing with gay loved ones that living a "straight" lifestyle is possible.

Coming Out

Josh and Laurel have known each other since they were 4 years old. Josh said he also knew something else at an early age -- that he is gay.

Josh said he first came out to his parents when he was 13 years old and that both parents were supportive and promised to love him, no matter what decision he made for himself. Three years later, he revealed his sexuality to Lolly.

As they grew up, Josh and Lolly said they realized they were the best friends who couldn't stand to be apart. They decided that Josh being gay wouldn't be an obstacle in their relationship and the couple began dating in high school. They said they then began discussing the possibility of spending the rest of their lives together.

"It was just like a progression to where I started thinking that I didn't want anybody else," Lolly said, "The thought of marrying somebody else and having it not be Josh was painful to me."

In 2002, after both had returned from two-year-long Mormon missions, Josh and Lolly were married in a private wedding inside the Church of Latter Day Saints Temple in Salt Lake City, Utah.

A wedding inside a Mormon temple is a religious ceremony considered so sacred, only close family members in good standing in the Mormon church are allowed to attend.

By now several members of both families knew Josh's secret. Lolly said some of her relatives and friends approached her, concerned over what would happen on their wedding night. Lolly said she even became physically ill during the wedding reception.

"Some of them were confused because they were like, 'did you go into this thinking you were just going to have a platonic relationship?'" she said.

But after a decade of marriage, the Weeds said their sex life is "great.”

"If anything were to happen to Josh, it would be really hard to find someone that would be able to fulfill me in the way that he does, because what we have is truly something that I cherish," Lolly said. "I feel I am truly the most beautiful woman in the world to him, and when he says 'I wouldn't want any other woman, he really means it-- that he gave up something so core to show his love for God and for me."

Josh admits he is sexually attracted to men and not to women, but he said his Mormon beliefs are more important than his physical desires.

"I feel like I am being true to myself and that I have looked at these two components of who I am and for me it was a matter of mutual exclusivity," Josh said. "I had to choose one path or another and I simply had to know myself and know what I wanted for me well enough to make the choice that would be best for my life and best for what I wanted for myself

The Weeds' once-secret life is now an open book. Josh's blog post quickly went viral -- it currently has over 3,700 comments and has been re-posted by other blogs -- and set off a firestorm of debate within both the Mormon church and the gay community.

Because Josh has a private practice as a licensed marriage and family therapist associate, many critics of his lifestyle are concern that he is trying to "change" gay men and convince them that a "straight" lifestyle is possible.

Josh maintains he does not believe in trying to change someone's sexual orientation, and said he believes trying to do so can be very damaging. The Weeds also said they did not come forward so that their story could be used as an example of how others should live their lives.

"I'm very, very wary of the idea of other family members or other influential people in individual's lives using our story as a kind of battering ram against other people's behavior or choices." Josh said.

But John Dehlin, a fellow Mormon who studies and writes about members of his religion who are facing conflicts and questions about their faith, warns that the Weeds' story is harming others struggling with homosexuality.

"The church had made a very clear statement and everyone should know this, that straight marriage is not an answer to same-sex attraction," Dehlin said. "That people should not engage in marriages like this, in the hopes that their same-sex attractions will go away."

Dehlin, who produces a popular podcast that shares stories about Mormons struggling with issues of faith, said he has received emails from mothers who have asked their gay sons why they can't live like Josh.

"Using religion or spirituality as a way to manage your sexual orientation, by being extra righteous, or extra faithful, as a way to sort of suppress those feelings, or control yourself, is the most damaging way to cope with your same-sex attraction," he said.

Russ Gorringe said he is living proof that being gay and attempting to marry and live a heterosexual lifestyle leads to heartbreak. The Utah man said he was married for 25 years to a woman, raised four children, and was even a member of Evergreen International, a group that worked to "convert" Mormons who are gay.

Gorringe said he finally stopped living a lie 14 years ago when his struggle with homosexuality became too much to bear, and he attempted suicide during a family vacation.

Gorringe eventually divorced his wife, and is now openly gay. He said he thought he could overcome his homosexuality, but after decades of struggle, decided he wasn't being fair to himself or his wife.

"I believed that someday, if I was faithful, God would bless me," Gorringe said, "but I found that I had to live a life of integrity. I deserved to be happy, and so did she.”

By NEAL KARLINSKY (@NealKarlinsky) and JAKE WHITMAN
for more click: abc news

 

 

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