Between Paladino, the Bronx tortures, and the suicides, are things really getting better?

Illustration by Dienstelle 75

Afew weeks ago, I found myself wondering whether the Logo reality show The A-List—in which a handful of vapidly handsome men make fools of themselves in the playground of Manhattan—would be “bad for the gays.” That this would even occur to me as a concern shows just how blissfully easy it can be to be a gay man in New York.

How embarrassingly silly that worry seems this week, with the news of the torture of three young gay men in the Bronx. That came on the heels of a string of gay-teen suicides nationwide, including one young man at Rutgers who felt so humiliated by his roommate that he jumped off the George Washington Bridge. And in the midst of it all, this state’s Republican nominee for governor declares that homosexuality is not a “valid or successful” option. As we were trying to process all of this, the Washington Post allowed Tony Perkins, of the Family Research Council, to write a thuggish op-ed inspired by those suicides, as though his bigoted gay-conspiracy theories are legitimate.

It has been, at the very least, confusing. We live in an America where public outcry can make a major movie studio remove a gay joke from a trailer for a Vince Vaughn comedy, but also in an America where a movie studio felt it was okay to make the joke in the first place. After Carl Paladino’s remarks, Rudy Giuliani, who leans further right with each passing year, surprised us by calling his remarks “highly offensive,” and the usually boorish New York Post strained to take Paladino to task for it.

Meanwhile, judicial momentum is on the side of gay rights. Recently, federal courts have ruled against “don’t ask, don’t tell”; California’s Proposition 8, which banned gay couples there from marrying; and the Defense of Marriage Act. And yet—disconcertingly—the Obama administration, which says it favors repeal of DADT and DOMA, is appealing both.

Of course, this confluence of events feels more significant than it is: The court rulings are parts of legal processes set in motion months or even years ago. Paladino is an unhinged man who’d already alienated his party by saying whatever was on his bitter and unsympathetic mind. The Bronx assaults, which riveted the nation—even Glenn Beck railed against them on his show—were, sadly, not unprecedented. Yes, the half-dozen suicides in the past few months among gay kids, or kids who were bullied for seeming gay, are a devastatingly high number—but I suspect if we knew the real number of kids who kill themselves as a result of these pressures, year round, devastating wouldn’t even describe it. Which is why it’s such a good thing that these tragedies have brought bullying and the preponderance of depression among gay youth into the national conversation.

As kids come out at younger and younger ages, they face resistance and even hatred. Progress always is met with resistance, and as gay people appear more and more in the mainstream, blowback is inevitable from those who don’t want to see them. These aren’t just people who don’t want to watch The A-List. These are people who don’t want to watch gays and lesbians living in their neighborhoods, or teaching in their schools.

So even though it feels like something is happening—because people are talking, because headlines are being written, because rage and sorrow are being expressed—in reality, progress is just a very long, winding path. It’s one that often seems to double back and take us through some scary places.

Which is why I’ve been fascinated with the popularity of the “It Gets Better” project on YouTube, in which grown-ups make videos to tell gay kids that things will be easier in the future, when they are out of school, or when they are simply older and more comfortable with who they are. “It Gets Better.” Not “Here, I’ll Make It Better.” The passive voice betrays the seeming helplessness of the situation. We really can’t do much to immediately ease the circumstances of bullied young people.

But still, I like the “It Gets Better” videos. I like their generosity. They make me tear up, even though I didn’t have such a rough go of it in school. I’m 29, and I know I’m fortunate; it has gotten better for my generation. But even I like to be reassured that the path is forward, if not straight.

http://nymag.com

Gays on the catwalk in Vietnam

Gays who are living in HCM City became models and showed their knowledge about safe sex at a competition held by an online forum for homosexuals in the evening of October 16.

By joining this competition, the competitors expressed their desire for their families and the society to accept their sexual orientation.

“When I was a child, I didn’t think that I was a boy. I’m healthy! I only want people to know that we are similar to them and we can contribute to society as well,” a contestant said.

According to statistics, around five percent of the population is homosexual, including both gays and lesbians. The ratio of gays is higher than that of lesbians.

Only several countries have recognized homosexuals. Generally, they are still discriminated in the society, an even in their families.

To please their parents, many gays get married but they always desire to live according to their true sexual orientation.

Vietnam Net...

Reframing The 'Gay Choice' Debate

Despite an ongoing recession, two wars and fleeting world power, our nation has recently found itself fascinated by a tired old question: "Is homosexuality a choice?"

Senior White House advisor Valerie Jarrett and New York gubernatorial hopeful Carl Paladino both came under fire last week for saying that homosexuality is a choice. While Jarrett apologized for her remark, Paladino attempted to rectify his mistake by saying he "wasn't sure" whether same-sex love's a choice.

Even President Obama has gotten in on the action, and told an audience at MTV and BET's town hallthat he unequivocally believes the biology behind homosexuality: "I don't think it's a choice. I think that people are born with, you know, a certain makeup."

Republican Ken Buck definitely doesn't agree with the President: the Colorado Senate candidate yesterday likened homosexuality to alcoholism. "I think that birth has an influence over it, like alcoholism and some other things,” he said on Meet the Press. “But I think that, basically, you have a choice." His campaign later tried to clarify, "[Buck] was just saying there's an element of predisposition there and an element of choice."

It's unclear why this question of gay choice has suddenly become a meme. Since it has, however, I think this is a wonderful opportunity to take this controversy and turn it on its ugly head.

As simple as it may sound, the argument over whether or not homosexuality's a choice fuels a bonfire of "heterocentric" sentiment. Those who oppose equality wrongly assume that gay people "choose" to be gay, and therefore aren't worthy of legal protections or, in many cases, dignity. We bring hate crimes on ourselves by pretending, right? Blame the victim and all that.

The entire debate becomes completely dehumanizing, and the objectification often becomes completely unbearable, as was no doubt the case in a recent series of gay suicides. This objectification, however, can easily be remedied with a little flip of the script.

Back in 2008, when much of the nation celebrated Obama's presidential victory, I asked a dear gay friend whether he was excited, to which he replied, "It's hard to be excited knowing that so much of the nation hates you." He was talking about Proposition 8, the bitter pill so many of us swallowed that Election Day.

Those remarks have echoed in my mind ever since, and sum up the collective agony so many gay people have felt or continue to feel while navigating a world that can seem so hostile.

At the same time, however, it struck me as a shortsighted idea. No one hated him, my friend; they hated the idea of gay marriage. Ah, that's it: the idea.

This collective pain LGBT people feel when told they're making the wrong choice comes from something that doesn't really exist -- it's based on an imaginary concept of gay people, one that's projected onto us and must be shaken off.

Being gay and having lived the lavender dream, I can say with certainty that being gay is a completely natural, biological thing. It's not a choice. Period. And plenty of science backs me up on that one. If one accepts this essential aspect of homosexuality, then the idea that we "choose" to be gay becomes, well, somewhat laughable, and entirely erroneous.

People who dislike or even hate gay people because they think it's a "choice" don't in fact hate you, the gay person. They hate their idea of you, their stereotype. Their "hate," then, is about them, and should be pitied, instead of internalized.

Rather than letting these projections of "choice" and "immorality" dehumanize us, LGBT people should realize that it's not about us at all. We're living our natural lives, and if people want to perpetuate false gay models, we need to be mentally and physically strong enough to stand up and say, "I'm being me, and if you want to obsess over some concept of me, or an idea of me, that's your business," because clearly our opponents need someone to set them straight.

Photo credit: Bioxid's Flickr

Andrew Belonsky is a journalist living in New York City.

It Sure Sounds Like The Pentagon Is Looking Into Separate But Equal Showers

You know things are bad when both the liberals at the New York Times and the conservatives at The Economist are calling your record on gay rights appalling, but such is The Obama Life right now. Also appalling: New evidence the Defense Department is actually considering separate but equal facilities for gay soldiers.

In January there were murmurs out of the Pentagon that military leaders were considering how to change bathing and living facilities to accommodate the post-DADT world, where gay servicemembers could leave open their laptops unafraid to show off their partners on their desktop wallpaper. In July Pentagon Press Secretary Geoff Morrell told reporters, "We think it would be irresponsible to conduct a survey that didn’t address these questions because when ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ is repealed, we will have to determine if there are any challenges in those particular areas, any adjustments that need to be made in terms of how we educate the force, or perhaps even facility adjustments that need to be made to deal with those scenarios."

But then Morell clarified "no one is considering 'separate but equal' bathing or living facilities for you know, gay and straight troops. That’s just not ever a consideration."

Oh really? Because in the Department of Justice's Thursday appeal of the DADT-is-unconstitutional ruling, it certainly sounds like that's exactly what the Pentagon is considering. As the Times notes in an editorial:

Clifford Stanley, the under secretary of defense for personnel and readiness, said in a court filing that ending the antigay policy would require training, and reworking regulations on issues like housing, benefits and standards of conduct. He said the Army had to consider the “rights and obligations of the chaplain corps.” Secretary of Defense Robert Gates said the military had to consider whether barracks should be segregated and whether partners of gay soldiers should have benefits. This sounds disturbingly like the creation of a “separate but equal” system. The armed forces do not need to be protected from their gay and lesbian personnel. The military has always had its own culture and rules of behavior, but it has not been living in a cave.

And that's probably the only outcome folks like Sen. John McCain could every reasonably tolerate

http://www.queerty.com

David Paterson Says He Hit A Bully In The Face With A Lunchbox

 
PUBLISHED: OCTOBER 18, 2010

New York Governor David Paterson says he hit a bully in the face with

 a lunchbox in a new public service announcement for the It Gets 

Better anti-bullying campaign, which reaches out to troubled gay teens.

Paterson, who is legally blind, says he knows “a lot about bullying.”

“I got bullied from the time I went to school, in kindergarten, pretty 

much into junior high school and even in high school.”

“On one occasion, I got so frustrated with the teachers and the people 

running the playgrounds, or whoever they were, not doing anything about

 it, that I hit a kid in the face with a lunchbox,” Paterson says.

“And you know something? Even 40 years later I'm not sorry,” he adds. 

(The video is embedded in the right panel of this page.)

Sex advice columnist, novelist and activist Dan Savage's It Gets Bette

r campaign benefits The Trevor Project, a national group centered on 

crisis and suicide prevention efforts for gay, lesbian, bisexual and 

transgender (LGBT) youth.

Paterson earlier this year signed into law a gay- and trans-inclusive

 anti-bullying law.

Openly gay celebrities who have also joined the campaign include 

Project Runwaycelebrity judge Tim Gunn, talk show host Ellen 

DeGeneres, How I Met Your Motherstar Neil Patrick Harris and

 former 'NSYNCer Lance Bass.

BY ON TOP MAGAZINE STAFF

John McCain Vows To Filibuster Effort To Repeal DADT

BY ON TOP MAGAZINE STAFF 
PUBLISHED: OCTOBER 18, 2010

Arizona Senator John McCain promised over the weekend he'd filibuster 

an effort to repeal “Don't Ask Don't Tell” during a lame-duck session

 following the November midterm elections.

McCain led the Republican filibuster in September that killed the Senate's

 first attempt to legislatively repeal the law which has ended the military 

careers of over 13,000 gay or bisexual service members.

Supporters of repeal have been lobbying lawmakers to consider a second 

attempt before the end of the year.

McCain would displace Michigan Senator Carl Levin as chairman of the 

Senate Armed Services Committee – and acquire a commanding position 

on repeal – should the GOP gain 10 senate seats this November.

In an interview with Phoenix-based NBC affiliate Channel 12's Sunday 

Square Off, McCain said the reason Democrats attempted to “ramrod” 

repeal in September is “because they know the Senate will look different

 next January.”

And he promised he would work against a second attempt at repeal.

“I will filibuster or stop it from being brought up until we have a thorough

 and complete study on the effect of morale and battle effectiveness,” 

McCain said. “That is the position of the four service chiefs and, 

according to polls, a majority of the men and women who are serving 

in the military.”

When the moderator noted that society is becoming more accepting of 

gay rights, McCain answered: “And I do not oppose that … but we're in 

two wars, this president has no military experience.”

Judge Virginia Phillips Expected To Rule On DADT Stay On Monday

PUBLISHED: OCTOBER 18, 2010

U.S. District Judge Virginia Phillips is expected on Monday to rule on a government request to stay her injunction ordering the military to stop 

enforcing “Don't Ask, Don't Tell,” the 1993 law that bans gay and bisexual

 service members from serving openly.

The Associated Press is reporting that Phillips has said she's inclined to

 deny the request and will issue her ruling by the end of the day Monday.

 The Obama administration requested the stay while it prepares an appeal

 to the order.

Phillips declared the law unconstitutional last month and ordered a halt

 to its enforcement last week.

The Pentagon has agreed to abide by the ruling, but warned gay troops

 that altering their personal conduct could have “adverse consequences”

 for themselves and others should the order be reversed.

The Clinton-era law prescribes discharge for gay and bisexual service

 members who do not remain celibate or closeted. The law is responsible

 for ending the military careers of over 13,000 gay service members.

President Barrack Obama supports ending the policy, but said last week

 that he wants Congress to repeal the law.

BY CARLOS SANTOSCOY 

Another Gay Attack in NYC This Time At Julius Bar In The West Village

We just learned of an attack which occurred at Julius Bar, New York’s oldest gay bar, on West 10^th Street in New York City’s West Village neighborhood.  On Saturday night, a man who, according to the NYPD, has a known history of luring gay men with the intent to rob and injure them attacked two people at Julius.  The suspect is currently in custody. 

“This most recent attack underscores our need to stop the hate speech and anti-LGBTQ vitriol that results in this kind of attack.  It is unacceptable that perpetrators of anti-LGBTQ violence feel emboldened to come into any neighborhood, including gay-friendly neighborhoods, and attack LGBTQ people because of who we are,” said Sharon Stapel, Executive Director of the New York City Anti-Violence Project.  “We must as a city, and as a country, recognize the real harm and damage that discrimination and anti-LGBTQ hate does to all of us.  AVP will not tolerate this kind of violence and we call on all of our friends and allies to speak out against anti-LGBTQ speech of any kind and help us create a world in which LGBTQ people are safe and respected and no longer face this kind of harm.”

Adam Lambert Talks Pretty Boys, Straight Guys, and Having Oral Sex With Girl

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© Albert L. Ortega/PR Photos

In a revealing interview with OutMagazine about his sexuality, Adam Lambert reveals what kind of guys that he easily falls for. "I don't even know anymore. I think when I was younger, I could box in what my sexuality was about, what's my type and all that. But as I've gotten older, and just learned more about myself and the world, it's not really about type anymore," he says. "I mean, if someone's hot, they're hot. If someone's interesting, they're interesting. If you have an energy and a chemistry with someone, then you have chemistry. Done. You can't really define that or explain it. It just is. You just meet people and you click, or you don't. You know? Although -- I like pretty boys."

When asked to define the word "pretty", the singer claims "Pretty is pretty. And I'm generally drawn to [guys who are] younger than me. Generally ... but there are exceptions." Furthermore admitting that he never falls for straight guys, Adam however says that he has a crush on fellow "American Idol" singer Kris Allen, gushing "He's pretty. He's a pretty boy. You know? And he's nice. He's a really nice guy. One of the things that I think is so refreshing and cool about him is that he's from Arkansas -- and this is me being small-minded -- I just kinda figured that the acceptance of people like me in Arkansas is probably a lot lower than here. And he's very open-minded to people's lifestyles and he doesn't judge. He's a good guy."

And when Out Magazine presents him with question if he is ever attracted to females, he has this to say, "I will make out with a girl at a bar. I mean, after a couple of drinks." But, when pressed with if has had sex with girls, he simply answers "oral", before then elaborating "It was a little gross because I don't think she was as clean as she could've been. It wasn't the act of it that really turned me off. I don't really remember. I was 18 and I was drunk. Or maybe I was 17... The point of the matter is that I would not rule it out. The idea is intriguing."

Adam Lambert's full interview is featured on Out Magazine's "Out 100" special issue. The particular edition has the openly gay singer featured on its cover alongside some other famous gay and lesbian celebs.

aceshowbiz.com

Adam Lambert To Gay Teens: Ignore The Hate, Focus On The Love

 
PUBLISHED: OCTOBER 17, 2010

Rocker Adam Lambert says he wants gay teens to ignore the hate and

 focus on the love.

Lambert addressed the recent spate of gay teens bullied to death in the

 U.S. at a press conference before performing in Malaysia, which was

 protested by members of the Pan Malaysian Islamic Party (PAS), Malaysia's

 Islamic opposition party because the theatrical performer “promotes 

gay culture.” Holding signs that read “Not Our Culture” protesters held a reportedly peaceful demonstration outside the venue.

Earlier, the PAS had demanded the cancellation of the concert, but Lambert

 agreed to edit out a controversial kiss between himself and his male

 keyboardist, Tommy Joe Ratliff.

The openly gay Lambert talked about the protest and the role celebrities 

play in advancing gay rights at a press conference held before the concert.

“My message to the youth of the U.S. and to the world is that you should

 be proud of who you are,” he answered a reporter asking about the 

recent gay teen suicides. “And I know that it's hard.” (The video is 

embedded in the right panel of this page.)

“I'm still bullied, in a sense, by certain groups, by certain journalists in 

a way. And the general public. If you go on the Internet, for example, 

and you go down into the comments section. There's a lot of hate. But 

you know what? If I focused on the hate and let it affect me, I'd be letting

 the hate win. I refuse to do that. I'm going to focus on the positive and

 focus on the love, and ignore all the hate.”

BY ON TOP MAGAZINE STAFF